Continued Confession

One thing I find difficult about blogging is being transparent. I would much rather try to be uplifting or trivial than being confessional. I think part of the reason is I don't want anyone's pity or readers thinking they have to say something to cheer me up. But in an effort to keep this blog honest about the journey I am on, I will continue to have days like today where I need to post honest feelings. Today I went to the doctor for a check up because I was having some sharp pains in my right knee. The good news is nothing is majorily wrong, evidently I have pulled my HCL (most likely a couple of weeks ago when I stepped up into the church van). It should heal in a few weeks. But on the way home I heard a song that just made me start crying. I think it is because the lyrics were speaking my heart right now. I came home and looked it up so I could post it. It is by Nicole Sponberg and is called "Ressurection"

I'’m at a loss for words,

there’’s nothing to say

I sit in silence wondering

what led me to this place

How did my heart become

so lifeless and cold

Where did the passion go?

When all my efforts seem like chasing wind

I'’ve used up all my strength

and there’’s nothing left to give

I'’ve lost the feeling

and I'’m down to the core

Can'’t fake it anymore

Here I am at the end

I'’m in need of resurrection

Only you can take this empty shell

and raise it from the dead

What I'’ve lost to the world

what seems far beyond redemption

You can take the pieces in your hand

and make me whole again

However, while I was looking for that song, I found this one by Avalon that I don't remember hearing before and I felt like it was a prayer given to me by God to continue on this journey of healing. Thank you God.

Band: Avalon Album: Avalon Track: Renew Me ::

Why am I such a dusty window

For your light to shine through?

Why am I just a tiny star

In a sky already blue?

Why do I offer everything

With my heart closed like a fist?

I want to love You better than this

Why do I live like I'm in chains

When You have set me free?

And why do I have to break Your heart

Before I fall to my knees?

I know it's time to pray for change

Give all I have to give

I want to love You better than this

So renew me, Remake me

Undo me, Unbreak me

Come into the empty spaces

Of my broken places

And consume me, Complete me

Pursue me, Redeem me

Let Your Holy Spirit living through me

Renew me I need Your power to renew me,

Lord, yeahI need to know You're moving through me,

LordI need You as my refuge

My first and last resort

Be the river always running

Through my deepest thoughts

Keep me in Your arms'

Cause even when I drift

I want to love You better than this

So renew me, Remake me

Undo me, Unbreak me

Come into the empty spaces

Of my broken places

And consume me, Complete me

Pursue me, Redeem me

Let Your Holy Spirit living through me

Renew me

My life bending to Your will

Seeking You until I'm more and more like You

Wednesdays In The Park

Something I hate to admit about myself is that I can tend to be a pessimist. I really try to work on this but I don't have high expectations so as not to be disappointed. That being said I was not real optimistic that there would be a good turn out for Wednesdays in the Park. I am so glad that I was wrong. That is because God will always exceed my expectations if I just get myself out of the way. There was a great turnout tonight at Crowley Park. It looked to me like everyone was having a great time. There were lots and lots of visitors. I am anxious to see what God is going to do with this adventure this summer. I pray that our seeds will generate great fruit in His Kingdom in Richardson. If you missed it...at least you have 7 more weeks to come and join in the blessing of fellowship and outreach.

Poor Bunny

My brother Brad is a supervisor for Olympia Power and Light. He and his crew came across an owl the other day that had been electrocuted as it was flying with a rabbit in his claws. It fried both of them at 12,000 volts. I had no idea owls could be so large! Poor bunny.

Home

Seems like no matter how nice of a trip you have it is just always good to be home! We get so used to our own bed, own pillows that no matter what motel we stay in seems like it is never comfortable. Both beds on this trip were okay, but the pillows were aweful! We left Friday and stopped at the IHOP in Mesquite to eat breakfast. They have such good omeletes, unfortnately this particular IHOP is just dirty. I would have loved to eat at Cracker Barrell, but it is not Steve's favorite place. We had fun trying out the new GPS that STeve had bought me for a retirement present. We arrived at Copperas Cove about 4:00 and had a chance to take a short nap before meeting Chuck and Kelly for dinner. We went to Casa Ole and had a really good mexican dinner. They had a green sauce salsa that was very different but really good.

Steve and Chuck look alot alike. Steve is 8 years older. We weren't facing the sun so don't know why they are both squinting. I do know Chuck doesn't smile, because of all those years in army pictures.

Unfortunately, Kelly's glasses must turn dark in the sunlight.

Saturday morning Steve got up very early and went to a prayer breakfast with his brother. He said he really enjoyed it. Then we went to lunch and left about 2:00 for Austin. We checked into the Double Tree about 4:00 and they gave us a delicious warm chocolate chip cookie. The motel ended up being only about a block from the church. The wedding was beautiful and the ceremony was really sweet. It was fun watching Jordan radiate at his new bride. It was also fun watching Carolyn McBryde live one of her life long dreams of serving communion :)

The reception was lovely, the food delicious. They had a buffet and had some delicious coconut shrimp and some of the best salmon I have ever eaten. I really enjoyed getting to sit by Jennifer Kilgore because I had never really visited with her. We had a nice conversation. The band playing made it difficult to talk to anyone other than the person sitting right next to you. By the end of the evening I was exhausted and was almost not able to walk back to the car, but thanks to using the walker (instead of the cane) I made it. We decided to sleep in Sunday morning since two nights in a row we had not slept very well. We ate at Denny's on our way out of town. What a mistake. We decided to splurge and get t-bone steak and eggs and the steak was probably the worst I have ever eaten. I ordered it medium and there was not one bit of pink in it and it was so tough! Really dissappointing. We then headed home and I put the book on tape in for us to listen to and about 30 minutes later I was asleep!! I felt so bad. I was determined on this trip I would stay awake. Just couldn't do it.
After arriving home we went over to my parents to give my dad his father's day gift and to spend some time with him and then came home. I did manage to stay up till 11:00 p.m. but did not wake up until 11:30 a.m.!! Then my mom, dad and I went to Red Lobster as that is where he wanted to eat for Father's Day. I was so excited that he felt like eating out at all!! He had never had lobster in his life and wanted to have it, so he really enjoyed his meal and he ate every bit of it!


All in all it was really a good few days.

Weekend Away

I am really excited because Steve and I are getting away for the weekend. It will be the first time we have traveled since my accident. We are going to Austin for Jordan Swim's wedding. We will stop in Copperas Cove tomorrow to visit Steve's brother Chuck and his girlfriend Kelly. I was really excited because I went on Priceline and got us a $169.00 a night room at the Doubletree downtown for $75.00. The reception is at the Four Seasons downtown so I thought maybe we should stay there and save ourselves some steps. Right? The rooms began at $375.00!! I could not believe it! Needless to say, we are not staying there.

I bought us Francine Rivers audio book "Prophet" to listen to. Steve isn't a big talker when he is driving as he feels the need to concentrate. He will listen to me babel so I am hoping he will enjoy the book too. Although I probably won't put it in till we are coming home on Sunday to keep us both awake.

So anyway...just thought I would let Kristi and Stormy know that I won't be blogging till Monday (so they won't think I am a slacker :) ). Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Happy Weblogger's Day

Scrolled everyone elses blogs to see if anyone missed me to the punch. Today is Weblogger's Day. So here is to all my blog friends! This article came from Tech Republic's site.

"Blogito, ergo sum
Here's another entry for the "I Had No Idea There Was a Holiday For That" file: June 14 is International Weblogger's Day, set aside to commemorate and celebrate the democratization of Web publishing to allow any and every average schmoe to disseminate his most banal interests and accomplishments to the entire online world.
For the sake of first principle, let's take a look at Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary definition of the term blog: "A Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer."
So, contrary to what Blogger, LiveJournal, Xanga, WordPress, and a dozen or so other software programs would have you believe, the definition of a blog comes from its content, not its platform. And people have been posting personal journals, reflections, and comments to their Web sites since there have been Web sites -- and maybe even before then.
This is where we admit that almost nobody knows -- or at least can agree on -- when and where the first blog appeared. One candidate is Brian E Redman's personal Usenet newsgroup, mod.ber, which operated for a few months in 1983 and 1984. While its content and format were remarkably similar to a blog, it predated the World Wide Web. Call it an ancestor, if not an originator, of blogging.
When the Web finally showed up in all its hyperlinked glory, manually updated Web pages sporting personalized content started to appear as well. If you were willing to put forth the effort, you could publish an online diary to a Web page, though you'd be coding the page by hand. (And, for those of us who remember those days of the Web, often it showed.)
The birth of the term blog, however, came much later. Most folks were content to call online diaries just that, though some described themselves as escribitionists. Even Web sites that weren't exclusively journals often contained a What's New section that offered at least marginally blog-like content.
The beginnings of the term blog, however, come from the slightly older term weblog, which itself was a contraction of the phrase Web log. The word weblog, at least, has a generally accepted etymology, birth date, and credited originator."

By the way Blogito Ergo Sum means "I Blog Therefore I Am". So there you go.
I am thankful for all my blog friends. Hope you have had a great day!

Steve sent me this article on the presidential candidate Fred Thompson the other day and asked me what I thought. http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=56112 So now I am asking all of you what do you think? Personally, it grieves my heart that the churches of Christ are not known to the world. Seems like everytime something happens (i.e. Mary Winkler) we get painted in such a bad light. Since Jesus said that people will know us by our love, how come that is not what we are known by? The other thing that bothers me is that someone representing the churches of Christ is making negative comments about Mr. Thompson without any concrete information. Seems like the scriptures also tell us if we have something against our brother we are to talk with him. So if Mr. Elrod actually has concerns about Mr. Thompson's attendance at a church I wonder if he tried contacting him before talking to the press. I just found the entire article misrepresenting the church that I know, and yet I know that it probably does acurately represent some churches. What the world doesn't realize is unlike denominations each church of christ is autonomous. But perhaps because so many of us try to label each other (i.e. conservative, liberal, acapella, instrumental, etc.) they just assume we are all the same. Nevertheless, the bigger issue to me is that I have not been able to find anything where Fred Thompson's life speaks volumes about his life in Christ. Once again, I say what should he be known by; where he goes to church or how he represents Christ in the world? Don't get me wrong, this is more a comment about me than anyone, after all do people know Lynn Leaming by where she goes to church and what she did in ministry or do they know her by the life she lives in the world? I confess I am guilty of not being active enough in the Lord's work outside the church walls. I hope that I can change that. And I hope that the world will begin to know Christ church by their love.

Good Tuesday

Well, today we cleaned another area of my house. The sun room had become my walk in the door and drop things room (since it is the door I come in off the garage) But I wanted to get it where I can begin my days in the sunroom for my quiet time as it has a fountain that I love to listen to. So here is a picture of it afterwards.

Then it was on out to the pool. We put the new pool cushions on the chairs. Then we worked very hard to replace the umbrella. The old one had one bugar bear rusted bolt that we could not get to budge. We finally were able to get the pole out without taking out the bolt and the new one fit in okay, we just had to anchor it with wood around it instead of the bolt, but it is standing. Here you can see.

Thought I would also post a picture of the clock the Children's Ministry Team Gave Me and the Figurine "Here's the church, Here's the Steeple" that the staff gave me. The only thing that could of made this day go better is if I had won something at Bunco tonight. But...it is always a good time anyway.

This was a frustrating blog! After spending 45 minutes or so posting the pictures. I lost internet connection all together?? The cable on the TV went out too, so maybe Comcast was just having a problem. So fortunately it saved the draft and I could post it this morning. Not sure it was worth all that trouble, but nevertheless here it is.

Continuing Awe

Yeah! I actually got in the pool today for the first time this season. I was amazed at how warm the water was. It was good. Spent some time cleaning house and then transferred all my old addresses into a new address book someone gave me for Christmas. It was sad at how many people I have lost touch with from my past. Figured if I had not heard from them in three years or more that I would not enter their address in my new book. My mom came over and helped clean house and hung my new clock up today. It is lovely! It plays 12 different tunes (and 3 Christmas tunes). It has a light sensor where it will not play when it is dark. It is very nice and will be a great memory for many years to come.

I got this email from Mona today "I just thought the two of you would like to know, all the food for our celebration yesterday was furnished by the women at RE. I sent out a Sister to Sister (Lynn you were temporarily removed but are back on already) and all the places, 24 dozen of each of the 5 catagories plus 17 gallons of OJ, were taken well in advance of a week before the event. Approximately 69 women participated in the food alone..." So I say another "Wow"!!! It was a lovely spread, I only wish I had been able to taste some of the "goodies", but was just too busy consuming love instead of food. Hey! Maybe if I did that more everyday I would lose all that weight I am needing to lose? If you were one of the 69 women and are reading this...thank you from the bottom of my heart.

WOW!

I am so overwhelmed! Today the Richardson East church threw me a retirement reception. Tresia Eason and crew did such a nice job with the brunch. They had it decorated so nice.In a jungle theme with tiger and leopard balloons. Lots of delicious food. People were so gracious and complimentary. Then the celebration continued into the worship service where they showed a video filled with pictures from our time at RE. Then the children's ministry team presented me with a beautiful wall clock that plays 15 different tunes. It was engraved with "Our Timeless Treasure, Children's Ministry Team, 6/10/07". The church then gave us a certificate for a trip of our choice and instituted a scholarship in my name for kids going to camp. Then to top it all off numerous families put together pages for a memory book. So many were so creative. I have to admit I have not really gotten into the scrapbooking scene, but these pages were all very special. I had even recieved a call from the worship leader and he had asked for me to tell him some of my favorite hymns and they sang them today. There are no words to describe how very touched I was by this outpouring of love. It was amazing and so undeserving. It has been such a blessing to be in ministry with this amazing church, that has been reward enough. The children are so precious. I stand amazed at how so many of them have grown up and yet how many are still young. I am so thankful that I do not have to be concerned for them, that Richardson East will continue to be a church who values the spiritual transformation of children and will ensure that they get the best of the best in teaching and support for their parents in their teaching. As Bob Hope would say "Thanks for the Memories". Sorry, I am still learning how to post pictures.

Mike, Kate & Grant Schiller.................Courtney, Kyle and Ella

Brianna, Paige and Logan...........Hannah, Tatum and Jackie

Donna, Brenda and Andrea. For eight years of my ministry they were the hands that held mine. I am so thankful for the ministry God gave us together and their friendship.

Today's Revelation

Today I was listening to a Twila Paris CD that has been in my car for several months. I am not sure why I had not heard this before but there is a point where she just talks and she is talking about going through hard times. She says there comes a point where you have to decide whether you are going to lean upon your own understanding or that you will lean into Jesus. I thought about the truth of this statement. I thought it interesting that she did not say lean on Jesus, but lean into. It reminded me of one of my favorite pictures by Thomas Blackshear.

To me there is a difference in leaning on Jesus and leaning into Jesus. Leaning into implies there is nothing of my own power and He is holding me up. There is so much hope in Jesus statement "Come unto me all you who are weary laden and I will give you rest". I am so very thankful that I can count on that promise! I hope you find comfort in it too.

Eagle Lessons

My friend Andrea sent me an email with this link today. You may remember that my favorite Bible verse is Isaiah 40:30. This article has some very interesting facts about eagles and spiritual applications. Here is just a small quote, if you want the entire article you can go to: http://plantinghisseeds.com/articles/eagles.htm

May we all learn to soar!!

Eagles do not fly like other birds, they don't flap their wings but rather soar. Flapping their wings would use incredible amounts of their own strength and endurance and they would require so much more food as fuel if they didn't soar. Instead they sit on a high ledge and wait for the right wind currents to come. When the time is right, they take off and soar upward. Effortlessly, because they have waited for the right time. There is a special 'up going' wind, that they ride as it circles higher and higher toward the sky.
What a lesson for God's children to learn. How often do we waste strength by jumping out too soon and 'flapping our wings', instead of waiting for God's timing. Waiting is not a popular concept in these days of instant everything! But when we wait on the Lord - wait for His timing - wait for His answers - wait for His direction, then we can soar to new heights and fly to new places."Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles: they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint."

No Tears Here

Is anyone depressed or shedding tears today knowing that Paris Hilton is in prison? I am sorry, but other than feeling compassion for her soul, I am not the least bit interested in hearing how difficult she is going to have it in prison. That she will not get a good night's sleep or that she will have to eat terrible food? Yet...she does get special treatment in that she doesn't have to sleep with the general population. Why is it that some think they are above the same law everyone else has to follow? Then when they do get caught, they think they deserve special treatment. In the first place what is she famous for? Have I missed something or is it simply because she has money? And where has that got her? The best thing that could happen to Paris while she is in prison is perhaps there is a good prison ministry there and she will come to know the Lord and let Him redeem her life. Then my other soapbox is why the media beats these stories to death (Lindsay Lohan, Brittany Spears, David Hasselhoff, etc) What would it take for the media to start covering positive stories? They say they do it for ratings and money, are we really that hungry for that kind of news? I know I'm not. That is why I try to keep it off as much as possible, but unfortunately ran across it today and now you got to hear about it on my blog. Lucky you?

My First Retired Sunday

Well today was our first Sunday away from ministry at RE. Steve and I attended 2 worship services in Mesquite. The first was with our old congregation (where we went before RE). It was good to see alot of familiar faces, kids that had grown up, and old friends. The sad part was the church is obviously flailing. Why is it when a church has a front section and back section everyone wants to sit in the back section? From a visitor standpoint it is hard to find a seat, and it makes it even more obvious how few people there are. Anyway, this church finally hired a children's minister 2 weeks ago in hopes of once again reaching out to young families. I did notice while there were not very many elementary kids, there were lots of preschoolers. We met some friends there and had lunch but not before going to another worship service. This was a church plant that is being very missional about reaching out to a specific neighborhood in Mesquite. I found their passion refreshing and I really enjoyed being in a group of about 50. It was intimate and spontaneous. Several men spoke from their hearts (one specifically to children) and I thought to myself "there needs to be more of this, where people just share what is on their hearts and what the Lord means to them". The preacher actually is intentional about reaching out and moved into an apartment complex to evangelize that complex. He was able to find a restuarant owner that has a banquet hall and is willing to let him use it on Sunday afternoons free. Anyway...I pray that their efforts will be blessed and make a difference in the kingdom of God. Steve and I drove by our old house in Mesquite and it is for sale (the owners put in a pool). We stopped and picked up an information sheet and were surprised to find they house was selling for 50% more than we sold it for (of course that was 9 years ago). Overall it was a good day and I am confident that God will continue to show us how life will go on and hopefully will even have some surprises for us along the way. Hope you had a good day of worship as well.

Another Song Story

Today I was sitting in my shower chair doing my hair and had digital music on the TV with Contemporary Christian music. Guess what song came on 2nd? You got it Casting Crowns, "Praising God In The Storm", I had just told Steve this morning at breakfast about my post the other day and yelled "Steve, come here this is the song I was telling you about". I then said "Do you think this is just a coincidence that this same song is even on the T.V." Steve said "I will tell you something else, when you called me I was online with Amazon.com trying to order that CD for you for our June anniversary (remember Steve gives me something the 12th of every month-our anniversary is August 12th). Amazing?
Then the next song that came on was Pam Thum's "Life is Hard (God is Good)". Once again I felt like God was speaking to me through these lyrics. Hope you all don't get tired of me posting lyrics. Right now they are what is ministering to me.

But there's darkness deep inside
And you can't take it anymore'
Cause sometimes living takes the life out of you
And sometimes living is all you can do
Life is hard, the world is cold
We're barely young and then we're old
But every falling tear is always understood
Yes, life is hard, but God is good
You start to cry'
Cause you've been strong for so long
And that's not how you feel
You try to pray
But there's nothing left to say
So you just quietly kneel
In the silence of all that you face
God will give you His mercy and grace
Jesus never said
It was an easy road to travel
He only said that you would never be alone
So when your last thread of hope
Begins to come unraveled
Don't give up, He walks beside you
On this journey home and He knows
Life is hard, the world is cold
We're barely young and then we're old
But every falling tear is always understood
Yes, life is hard, but God is good

I am humbled

Well, today I finished cleaning out my office. At lunch the staff threw me a surprise luncheon. I thought that I was just going to lunch with Marcie and Stephanie, but the entire office took me to McAlister's Deli. I chose there because I have never been before. I ordered one of their baked potatoes (the chicken fajita) and it was delicious. Several of the staff had written a card sith such sweet words. They gave me a really sweet figurine of a little boy and girl doing the rhyme "here is the church, here is the steeple, open the door and see all the people" and a clock that says "to everthing there is a season,and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Perfect gifts for perfect memories. Needless to say I shed some tears. I have been so blessed to work with this staff. I can honestly say that in 9 years we have never had any times of dissension or strife. We support, encourage and pray for one another. We have a common goal and that is to glorify God and help lead His church in a way that reaches our community with the love of Jesus. I have all confidences that they will keep on keeping on and continue to be a blessing to the rest of us at RE. I feel so unworthy of such attention, but I have to admit it is good to know that everyone isn't glad to see me going.

Today's God Message

So all three times I started my car today this song from Casting Crowns was on. Do you think that was a coincidence? I know God was sending me a message. I did hear it.

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands
and praise the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands for You are who You are
no matter where I am and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand You never left my side
and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can I carry on if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls I barely hear
You whisper through the rain "I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands
and praise the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

Thanks for the Advice

Thanks for the advice on cleaning out my office! I made a huge dent in it today! The biggest dilemma remains with what to do with hundreds of pictures! Looking at some of them brought back such sweet memories. As I looked at Janet Strother holding Logan at their baby blessing, I said to myself "I forgot he was once a baby". It is hard for me to realize that I have actually watched so many kids grow up. One of my favorite memories was when Brady McMillan was a two year old (he is now a 6th grader) and I got notice 30 minutes before class that the teacher was not going to be able to teach. I was new and not familiar with the curriculum, so I just threw numerous puppets I had in my office in a big bag. I would then pull one out and sing a song, and so on and so on. That was on a Wednesday night and when Brady saw me on Sunday he said "Ms. Lynn where is all your stuff?" and then for several weeks after that he would ask me that same question. It was too cute. One of my favorite current memories that I will take with me is sneaky Kyle Thomas who likes to play with my electric chair. He thinks it is funny to turn it on and make it go. A few times it has been a little surprising and not real safe. I will tell him "Kyle, please don't play with Ms. Lynn's chair, someone might get hurt". He says "okay, sorry", but has this glint in his eye that lets me know he will quit for now, but I will be surprised again in the near future. He is so precious. Tonight we took the God's Girls to Braums for our last class. I got to sit with India Jones. She told me she and her mom had a "girls" weekend at a motel to have "the talk". She told me they talked about the "p" word. I thought she was talking about puberty. She later whispered in my ear it was about her "period". I could go on and on about the memories I have of these sweet children. No wonder Jesus wanted to entertain them and told His disciples to "let the children come".

Advice Needed

Okay, so today I am needing some advice. I have two days to clean out my office. This is the question... how do I decide what to save and what not to save? Nine years of pictures, notes, etc. I feel like I need one of those professional organizers who come in and organize your house, except I need it for the office. This afternoon as I tried to get started I just got paralyzed because there is so much to do and I didn't know how to start. So please give me your best adviced and rescue me from this dilemma. The amazing thing (for those of you that have seen my office) is that nine years ago when I walked into the office there were 3 books on the shelves and a very scarce teacher's workroom upstairs. I thought to myself what have they been spending their money on? Now...no one can ask that question...instead they will say "why did she spend so much money on stuff?" Honestly, I am asking myself that question. :)

Memorial Day

So it will seem that I have two posts on Monday but actually yesterday's post was done after midnight so it just got dated today. And here I am actually posting early in the afternoon instead of late at night. :)
Steve did not want to go anywhere today because he thinks if we do we are supporting that businesses not be closed for holidays. He thinks if we have the day off then everyone should. So I have been watching old war movies. I am thankful that the movies help me to realize the sacrifices that have been made by so many to secure the freedoms that I enjoy. I get so comfortable in my world that I tend to forget. The one thing I don't like about war though is the inhumanity that prevails. By it's very nature I know what war is, but I don't know why enemies are treated so inhumanely? How do hearts get that calloused? Killing someone that could kill you if you didn't strike first is one thing, but once a person is defenseless and then they are tortured, I don't understand that. Unfortunately, we have done it to others the same as they have done it to us. I am so idealistic. If everyone would just love their neighbor the way they love themselves what kind of world would we be living in? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. I just wonder why more people don't want that kind of world to live in? Nevertheless, hope you all had time to stop and thank the Lord for our blessings and freedom today. Pray for the families of those who have died to ensure it for us.

Ramblings

Just a couple of ramblings before I turn in for bed. I don't know where Friday, Saturday or today went? They just sped by. Friday night Steve and I ate Chinese out and were going to the hospital to visit someone but it started raining pretty hard and Steve is very concerned I will slip on wet pavement, so we came home. Saturday I made waffles for breakfast and then we spent 7 hours getting new toys unwrapped for the church nursery, buying toy carts to put them in, a chair, and setting up new tables. We were so tired when we got home, but then I had to write 50 thank you notes to all the people who have helped me in the preschool ministry this past year. My mom suggested I just type something, but it is just not as personal, so 5 hours later, I had finished them. Today we got to eat at Red, Hot and Blue and then visited Sharon Chrisman at the hospital. I thought Sunday would be a good day to visit her because I did not have very many visits on Sundays when I was in the hospital. Well, forget that theory for Sharon because when we got there there were 4 adults and 2 children already there and before they left another 6 people arrived!! So she definitely had enough visitors. Hopefully we did not tire her out too bad. It was good to see her sitting up in a chair and to see how God had answered our prayers. Then when I got home I worked a couple of Suduko puzzles and then logged on to the computer and accessed my office files where I have spent the last five hours deleting files and folders since Wednesday will be my last day. Boy did I save a bunch of junk!
Then I compacted picture files and made them manageable. I will have to copy them on discs.
So spent alot of time reminiscing. I am glad I have so many pictures. It is amazing how much the kids have grown up. Sweet, sweet memories.

10 Things You Don't Know About Me

Becky Campbell threw down the gauntlet and asked us to post 10 Things That You Don't Know About Me, so here are mine.

1. I love to tole paint (but haven't had time in a long time!)
2. I used to be a gymnist and before my accident could still do the splits.
3. I have played the clarinet and piano (but can't do much on either now)
4. Steve and I were pen pals for 10 years before we got married.
5. Before studying to be a Social Worker, I was working on my Masters in Criminology to
be a probation officer.
6. My favorite author is Frank Peretti.
7. In 1985 I actually broke my left femur on a water park ride and was on crutches 18 months
(now you know why I was so efficient on them this time)
8. I love to river or stream fish and will even bait my own hook!
9. I have had 6 foster daughters (4 at one time!)
10. If I could live anywhere in the world (as I know it right now) it would be Big Sur, California.

So there you go. All this exercise did for me is make me realize that I have not had a very exciting life and now you all know it!!

A Child Will Lead Them

First let me start out today's post saying that in the past week for some reason I cannot log into blogger with my old user name. After getting technical advice I found I have to now use my email address as my user name? I had a couple of people tell me they were not able to post comments to my blog anymore and when I told them about this change, they also were able to log back in using their email addresses as their user name. So just in case this is happening to anyone else that is reading, I thought I would just mention it.
Tonight I had a young girl in my class who comes with Shelby Hastings. Her name is Morgan. She is the sweetest thing. We were talking about the 2nd coming of Christ and who would be a part of the calling and who wouldn't when she asked me if you had to be good all of the time to go to heaven or just most of the time? I told her goodness had nothing to do with it as none of us could ever be good enough, but it is whether we had been baptized into Christ and He was our Lord and Savior. She began to get tears in her eyes and said she would probably never be able to be baptized because her parentswould not want her to because they do not go to church. I went on to explain to her that even though it is very hard that this is the most important decision of her life and God is the most important person she must please. However, He also knows her heart and He knows whether she is ready to make that comittment yet or not. I encouraged her to read the book of Acts and see how many people in that book decided to be baptized. Anyway...my heart just hurt for her as you could visibly see the Word pricking her heart, but knowing she would not be getting any teaching or support from home. Then after class Morgan came up and told me that she and Shelby had made a pact with each other that they would stay pure until they got married and if one of them died before the other, they would wait for each other at Heaven's gate. So why Morgan may not be getting the teaching at home, obviously her relationship with Shelby is making a difference. May we all make a difference in the lives of the children of this world but not just children but all those that need to know the saving grace of our loving God.

Lessons Learned

Most of you R.E. people have probably already heard, some of my other friends have not. Last night our sweet sister Sharon Chrisman and her 11 year old son Jared were in a terrible car crash right in front of our church building. They just happened to be coming home from a boy scout meeting and as they were passing the building a car came flying over the median at an estimated 70 mph (in a 40 mph zone). Two teenage boys, one is now dead. Jared, the 11 year old was released from the hospital with a sprained ankle. Sharon is still in ICU at Parkland with a broken ankle, occiptal break (around her eye) and a severe head gash. Fortunately she does not seem to have any brain damage and she is breathing on her own. When Steve and I heard about the accident we headed to the hospital in hopes that we could somehow be a blessing. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 became so real that we are able to comfort others because of the way we have recieved God's comfort. I have to admit as I was driving down there I told Steve I was going to take the Tollway instead of I75. I am still haunted that I did not try that route the night of my accident as my life would be so different. Nevertheless, as we were there Steve and I could not help but relive some of our own journey. I thought I would just share a few random thoughts of the lessons we have learned.
1. The importance of our faith community. Within 30 minutes of hearing the news we were at the hospital and yet when we arrived there were already 10 more people from our church there. It was a blessing to be part of a prayer coverage for the Chrismans.
2. Our presence at the hospital touches more than "our" own. Last night Larry Rehn brought a large vat of Starbuck's coffee and some banana bread. He ended up having an opportunity to share it with a homeless lady that was in the waiting room. We had lots of opportunities to pray for others while we were there as well.
3. We are a compassionate people. Our thoughts and prayers are also on the other families or individuals involved in the accident.
4. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue as you hear people talk, because in a sincere effort to try to console, people sometimes just say the wrong things. It is not a good time to tell "war" stories of others who you know who have recovered, or offer your advice on how the person should handle things. It is really best to just listen.
5. Everyone's experiences are their own. Even if you have been in their shoes the way you experienced something may not be the same, so instead of offering comparisons wait for the injured party to ask you questions if they want to know your experiences.
6. Life can change in a blink of an eye, so make sure you don't have any regrets.
I asked Larry tonight if he needed anything, he said "just your prayers", I can assure him that we will all honor that request. I am a blessed and grateful reciever of the power of those prayers.

Blessing of Prayer

Today I went to Ava Campbell's lemonade stand to buy a cup of lemonade and while there another couple showed up to buy a cup as well. As it turned out I had met Suzanne before as she was doing children's ministry at Preston Road as a volunteer and had been to some network meetings. She introduced me to her husband and he said "oh you were the one that was in that terrible accident". As it turns out about a week after my accident Suzanne flew over to Italy to join her husband who was there on business. They went to St. Peter's Cathedral. She told me while she was there she lit a candle for me. Said she had never done that before, but thought if ever one needed to be lit it was there. I was so very touched! It is amazing all the people that have been praying for me that I have had no idea. To find out she was thinking of me across the world on vacation was just so humbling. I hope I can be that blessing of prayer for others in the future as well. Speaking of prayer...
As I was driving today, two different times I heard this song by Martina McBryde on KLTY. I loved the lyrics. Here they are:
You can spend your whole life buildin'
Something from nothin
One storm could come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You could chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great but sometimes life aint good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like i think it should
But I do it anywayI do it anyway

This worlds gone crazy
And it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all you heart
For all the right reasons
And in a moment they can choose to walk away
love em anyway

God is great but sometimes life aint good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like i think it should
But I do it anyway
Yeah I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singin'
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway, Yeah sing it anyway

Why Am I Surprised?

Sometimes the Lord puts a continuous theme on my heart. Guess I don't get it the first time.
Karla Gerdes gave me a book quite a while ago called "Come Away My Beloved". She explained to me that she does not read the book cover to cover but flips through it till it falls on a page and then reads to see what the Lord has to say to her. So that is the way I have used the book as well. I looked tonight and the last time I picked up the book was 11-07-05, but I picked it up tonight and here are a few of the quotes from today's reading.

"My children, there is no good thing that I would withhold from you. I have not left you to fend for yourselves...I am the Lord your God. I am your provider and defender....Anticipate my help. I will not fail you...It is a joy to my heart when my children rely on me. I delight in working things out for you, but I delight even more in you yourself than anything I do to help you. Even so, I want you to delight in me just for myself, rather than in anything you do for me...Service is the salvage of love. It is like the twelve baskets of bread that were left over...I do not expect you to give to others until you have first eaten. I will provide you with plentiful supply to give if you first come to recieve for your own needs...Service will be futile and burdensome unless it springs from an overflowing heart...the love of God. This you do not have of yourself, nor can you give, however much you might desire to do so. You will possess this love only as you wait upon me and take time to absorb it from Me...There will never be any left overs for others unless you first eat from your own personal love feast with the Savior."

I took this as an amazing confirmation of my decision to resign and need to spend time renewing my relationship with the Lord. I am thankful I listened to the voice telling me to pick that book up today!

Wait Upon The Lord

I don't know when I first chose Isaiah 40:30 as my favorite verse? But it has been a long time. I have several eagles and different things with that verse on it around my house. Just so happens it is a favorite of my parents as well, and they too have eagle things around their house. Last week I heard a song I had not heard before and immediately it lifted my spirits. I heard it again today as I drove to Baylor for a check up and again it touched my spirit. So I looked up the lyrics tonight and they were written by Lincoln Brewster, but I think the song is actually sung by Chris Tomlin. I hope the lyrics will bless you as well.
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
Wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
Wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God You reign forever
Our Hope our strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
The everlasting God
The everlasting

My Favorite Color

Today they announced to the church that I will be resigning June 1st. I was in children's worship and did not hear the announcement. Afterwards Rick Bingham came and found me and told me this story. Rick is a therapist and one day was walking down the hallway of his office and noticed a woman crying. He described her as weeping unconsoleably. He considered asking her if she needed help but continued on. A while later he returned and she was still crying, this time he asked her if she was okay? She tried to say yes, but then admitted she was not and needed someone to talk to. Rick listened to her story, during which time she cried so hard he offered her a bandana that he had in his pocket to blow her nose on. It was a purple bandana. He said it was one of those God moments when he told her that purple was the color of royalty and that she was the daughter of a king. Purple was also the color of bruises. While we do get bruised in this life, as the king's daughter we know that he will always love us and care for us. A few months later Rick ran into this woman again and asked if she remembered him. She told him yes, but that he could not have his bandana back. He told her he didnt' want it back. She told him that she has it displayed by her door and she sees it everyday when she leaves and she remembers that she is the daughter of a king and even if she is bruised that day she will be the reciever of His love. Rick went on to say since that time he ordered a gross of purple bandanas to hand out to people in need and he only has two or three left. Then he pulled it out from his pocket and I am now the grateful recipient of a purple bandana. Rick used to be a youth minister and he told me that he realizes now that you don't have to recieve a paycheck to still be a minister and that he knew that God was going to still use me. Of course I was crying at these sweet words. But what was really cool about this encounter? My favorite color has always been.....PURPLE! I am the grateful daugther of the King. Thanks Rick for the sweet reminder.

Our Ultimate Refuge

For 17 3/4 years on the 12th of every month (because we married 8/12) Steve has given me a card or small gift. Today he gave me a book entitled "Our Ultimate Refuge" by Oswald Chambers it is on the book of Job. I have only read 3 chapters, but already it has given me something to think about.
I thought I would share this quote with you:
Job 2:11-13
"Job's friends were hit deperately by the calamaties that had overtaken Job because their creed was the same as his had been; and now if Job was a good man, as their own hearts told them he was, where was their creed? They were dumbfounded with agony and Job was left without a consoling friend. The friends came slowly to the conclusion that their view of God was right, therefore Job must be wrong. They had the ban of finality about their views, which is always the result of theology being put before God. The friends suffered as well as Job, and the suffering which comes from having outgrown one's theological suit is of an acute order. Job's attitude is "I cannot understand why God has allowed these things to happen; what He is doing hurts desperately, but I believe that He is honorable, a God of integrity, and I will stick to it that in the end it will be absolutely clear that He is a God of love and justice and truth.'"
I think this paragraph hit me because it is so much where I am at right now. My own personal theology of who God is has crumbled but I am left with the simple but significant truth that He is God and I am not and nowhere does He say that I have to understand His working in my life. Just trust that "He will cause all things to work together for my good" (Romans 8:28)

When Your Hut's On Fire

Steve sent me this email today. The email did not give the original source. Anyway, it spoke to where I am right now and I thought I would share it with all of you.
"The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Everyday he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, "God! How could you do this to me?"Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives....even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground, it just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God." May we all see with clear eyes how God is working in our lives today and everyday.

Give It Up

I am sorry but there are some artists that just need to Give It Up! Barry Gibb is one of them! Did anyone else see him on American Idol tonight? Oh my! I loved the Bee Gees, but tonight by himself I thought was pretty sad. There have been some other artist that I thought the same thing about, Kris Kristofferson would be one of them! I am sure it is really hard to be famous for so many years and then to know that your aging diminishes your talent. Tonight one of my God's Girls asked how old I was. When I said "53", she exclaimed "really? I didn't think you were that old!" I didn't know I was that old either :) Oh yes I do, everytime I see that new cell phone commercial where the mother is chastising the daughter for her text messaging and they are using letters for words (i.e. mbf=my best friend), I think boy am I out of touch! Anyway...who have you seen lately that you think should give it up?

Decision Made

Last week I asked how God confirms decisions. I'm not sure I have a definitive answer, but for me it was a sense of peace. Yesterday, I gave my resignation from my position as children's minister as of June 1st. The past two years have been a journey that is very hard to describe and is probably not understandable to anyone besides me. Steve and my mom have some understanding, but still not to same degree as me. At first my ministry gave me the motivation to fight and to get better physically. The leadership at church as been very supportive of the time it has taken, and workman's comp has been wonderful at providing the tools I needed to accomplish returning (i.e. power chair). But unfortunately, my healing is more than physical, it is also emotional and spiritual. Unfortunately, I have not attended to my emotional and spiritual health to the same degree I have my physical health. The reality of ministry for me is that it takes alot of my focus away from the Lord. This is really hard to understand since the whole point of ministry is to serve the Lord. But I often find myself doing for the Lord and not being with the Lord. So I decided with another summer coming where I still cannot physically participate in the activities I loved in children's ministry (i.e. camp) that I would take the time to focus on renewing my relationship with the Lord and spending time in my pool continuing to exercise my leg. There is alot to get done this month, so please pray that I just take one day at a time and not cause myself alot of further stress.
I am sure I will be blogging about this more in the days to come.

REYG

I got to spend the sweetest spiritual time tonight that I have had in a very long time. Claire and Clint Gerdes were baptized this morning at Highland Oaks and we were invited to their birthday party tonight. There a dozen or more teenagers there and it was a blessing being with them. It was great singing with them and hearing them sing. It was sweet hearing their blessings over Clint and Claire. I was really touched by something Josh Troutt said, it was something like "we have alot of baptisms and we all have seen alot of people get baptized by the neat thing is it never gets old. It is always a time of rejoicing and happiness" I thought that was so great coming from one of our teens. Cameron Thomas told Claire and Clint that he wished he could tell them that things get easier now, but that they actually get harder and that Satan will attack them. Kayla Chrisman told them she also shares the day she was baptized with her brother and at first she thought that she would rather have her own celebration instead of having to share, but as she has matured she has realized that is always something that will bond her and James together and she hope Claire and Clint would be grateful for that shared experience as well. So I just wanted to share with all of you. I need to spend more time with these teens, tonight they really blessed my life!

Praising God Continued

So to continue my post from yesterday. Here are my M-Z praises. I would love to hear yours!

M-I praise you for My Salvation
N-I praise you for Never leaving or forsaking me
O-I praise you for your Omniscient
P-I give you Praise
Q-I praise you that your love does not lessen when I Question
R-I praise you for your Righteousness
S-I praise you for the forgiveness of my many Sins
T-I praise you for being Trustworthy
U-I praise you that you are not Unapproachable
V-I praise you that I have Victory over Satan
W-I praise you that you do not Waffle, but stay the same
X-I praise you for knowing eXactly what I need at all times
Y-I Yearn to know you more and more
Z-I praise you that we will live and praise you for a Zillion years!

Praising God

So I read an article yesterday where the author came up with A-Z praises to God. While mine will not be as good, I thought I would give it a try. Today I will do A-L then tune in tomorrow for M-Z.

A-I praise you for being the Alpha-the beginning
B-I praise you for being my Blessed father
C-I praise you for being the Creator
D-I praise you for the Dance we do together
E-I praise you that your love is Everlasting
F-I praise you for never Failing me
G-I praise you for your Goodness and mercy
H-I praise you for your Healing power
I-I praise you for my favorite verse Isaiah 40:28-31
J-I praise you for the times you fill my heart with Joy
K-I praise you that you do not just require Knowledge of you
L-Of course I praise you most for your amazing Love

I would love to hear your alphabet praise too!

Discipleship Journal

Tonight I was reading the May/June issue of Discipleship Journal and there was an article that resonated with me. The article was by a woman named Sue Warburton and was entitled "Where Is My Miracle". She talks about losing her job and being jobless for 6 months. She talks about the day she cried out to God "are you listening, or if you are listening why aren't you acting?" Then she read Matthew 11:2-6 where John the Baptist is in prison and tells his disciples to go ask Jesus "Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?" Jesus answers "Go back and report to John what you hear and see: the blind recieve sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are also raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man that does not fall away because of me." Jesus seems to be saying I am who I say I am, look at all the miracles, yet John is not going to get one. She goes on to say that what Jesus was saying is "Don't fall away because of me, because of what I do or don't do". John did not just want to know if Jesus was God, he wanted Jesus to be God for him. He wanted Jesus to do something about his situation. The author goes on to say this "God does not cease to be God because He doesn't act the way we would like for Him to. He is still a God of miracles, even when a miracle doesn't happen for us. He still hears us, even when He remains silent. He's still there, even when we don't feel His presence. And although His ways may be mysterious, we can trust that they are right and good". Romans 8:28 She goes on to say "God is it for me. Where else do I have to go? Although He may not be the God I want Him to be, I have no choice but to follow the God I'm presented with, the one whose ways...Scripture assures me...are higher than mine" (Is.55:8-9)

This article reminded of the Twila Paris Song "Do I Trust You Lord?"
Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord?Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,You can read my mind,
And You got to know That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord? Do I trust You?

I know the answers, I've given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don't mean much to me.
This time there's only one thing I've got to know.
Do I trust You, Lord? Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord? Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart, You can read my mind,
And You got to know That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?Do I trust You?

I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You. I will trust You. I will trust You, Lord. I will trust You.

To which I say...it is the bottom line is it not? Trust or not trust? The God who gave His only Son to die so that I can be in relationship with Him is not a God who does not care. Once again I cannot be led by what I feel, but most be led by what I know and that is God loves me and will someday make it all plain to me...until then? I will trust you Lord.

Making Decisions

So if you have a decision to make how do you determine what God's will is? I know we all pray, but how does God make it clear what He wants you to do when you have a choice to make? If you have a time that He showed you the right decision to make, I would love to hear how He confirmed that decision for you.

God's Shadow

I read today in Joni Erickson Tada's book "Intimacy with God", this Psalm 121 verse:
"He who watches over you will not slumber, indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you-the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life." To be honest I read verses like this one and can't help but ask if they apply to us today? I realize this was David's thoughts about God but does that mean it is a promise for us? I have claimed several of the Psalms as promises, but when I look at them, they aren't God saying these things about Himself, it is David saying these things about God. Yet, I know the Bible was inspired by God. I guess my struggle is that I don't know that God does protect us from harm. I know we can say well he protects us from spiritual harm. But this verse seems to be referring to physical harm. God does not always protect us from physical harm, all we have to do is look at Job to know that. So what do you think that Psalms 121 is referring to? Or how do you interpret Psalm 91:11-12 "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways they will lift you up in their hands, so that you not strike your foot against a stone." I feel like the father who came to Jesus and said "Lord I believe, but help my unbelief".

Focus Group

So tonight I made the most money I have ever made! $50.00 an hour. I was asked to come and be a part of a focus group to gather information on our experiences on wearing the external fixator. There were eight of us, all of us patients of my doctor. It was interesting hearing their stories. I was by far not the worst one there. One man has worn four fixators and has had 34 surgies in 4 years. Another man had 39 surgies. One thing we all agreed is that wearing the frame was definitely worth it to save our legs. We were all thankful that Dr. Freudigman fought to save our legs when others talked about amputations. There is something comforting about being with others that know exactly how you feel. I guess that is why support groups work so well. I hope the feedback that we gave will help the company that manufacturers the frame to make some improvements that would make it better and more user friendly. At the end of our two hour time we felt we had a common bond and we all walked out with $100 bill. Now I have to figure out what to splurge on!!

So for about a week now I have been really struggling with a downcast spirit. I am not sure why and really can't put my finger on it. Usually when I get this way it is only a couple of days. My sweet husband emailed me two verses today Hebrews 13:5 " "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you"and 2 Chronicles 16:9 “For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose Heart is completely His. … " with some comments hoping to cheer me up. This was my question to him. My head knows the verses and I do try to tell myself such verses, but for some reason right now what I know and what I feel are not the same. I asked God this morning why I can't feel His presence and comfort? The things that usually work to restore my joy just aren't yet, and today's weather did not help. Anyway...not needing anyone to feel sorry for me, just trying to be honest on this post. I didn't post yesterday because I did not have anything I thought was uplifting to say. Today I decided that I can't always be upbeat on here, just asking you to walk the journey with me. If you do have something that works for you when you get down, I would appreciate hearing about it.

The Sunflower

Wednesday night at Supper Club Piper brought a book called The Sunflower by Richard Paul Evans. I tried to tell her that I had a stack of books to read that I have not been able to get to, but she and Deb assured me that this was a sweet and easy read. Well two afternoons and I finished it and indeed it was a sweet read. It was a sweet love story as well as an inspiring story of one's mission (calling) in life. How God can bring beauty out of ashes. One of the quotes in the book really struck me "There are times, it seems, that God throws a cosmic switch that moves the tracks beneath us, burling our lives headlong in a new and uncertain direction. Of these times just two things are certain. It's best we don't know what's ahead. We can never go back." I totally agree that we can never go back, but this controlling nature that I have says what do you mean it's best we don't know what's ahead? Oh...you mean we have to have faith? As I continue on this journey may I just trust that even though I don't know what is ahead, I do have a faithful God that will see me through one step at a time.

God's Creation

Today I spent a couple of hours watching Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel. It is amazing how they captured on film so many species of animals in their natural habitat. But even more amazing is seeing God's creativity in making them all! It really brought home Romans 1:20 "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." I ask myself if God did all of this in 7 days, and 2000 years ago Jesus said "I go to prepare a place for you", how much more beautiful is heaven going to be than this earth?
As the song says "I Can Only Imagine".

My Brother

My brother Brent is two years younger than me. He lives in Denver. I would appreciate you all sending up some prayers for him as he had double knee replacement surgery today. He has a rough recovery road ahead of him. He could have chosen to have one knee done at a time but he wanted a shorter recovery period. He has had really severe arthritis for several years so hopefully this surgery will significantly improve his quality of life. The surgery today was more complicated than expected and he was in the recovery room longer than expected, so not off to a great start. So I ask you to pray for his healing and I ask you to pray that he will encounter the Lord's presence in amazing ways. It is times like these that I hate my family is spread so far apart, I would love to be able to just drop in and see him and pray with him. Thanks so much for your prayers on his behalf! Hope you all have a great Friday!

Prayer

Today I came across this prayer from Augustine:
"God of our life, there are days when the burdens we carry chafe our shoulders and weigh us down; when the road seems dreary and endless, the skies grey and threatening; when our lives have no music in them, and our hearts are lonely, and our souls have lost their courage. Flood the path with light, run our eyes to where the skies are full of promise; tune our hearts to brave music; give us the sense of comradeship with heroes and saints of every age; and so quicken our spirits that we may be able to encourage the souls of all who journey with us on the road of life, to Your honour and glory."
After reading this prayer it made my prayers seem so small. Where does someone get this kind of prayer lanuage? And how did it get recorded so that I could be blessed by it so many years later? Hope you were blessed by it as well.

Using My Gifts

Today I saw this quote "God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called". It made me give thanks again that God has called me into His ministry. I do have to remind myself from time to time that it is His ministry and not mine. If there are any successes then He is the one that should get the glory. All the volunteers that partner with me in His ministry are called by Him as well. I am so thankful for each one of them and thankful that He equips us all. So now I am looking at retiring in December and am looking to see what He will call me to do next? I am assuming He will call me to do something else, or do the same thing somewhere else. I don't know what it is yet, but hopefully He will make it clear for Steve and I both.

Forgive My Enemies

I know we are all grieving about the shootings at Virginia Tech today. While I know that our hearts and prayers go out to the families of all those who died. What about the family of the shooter. How do you live life knowing your son, brother, nephew, grandson, etc. is responsible for the worst school massacre in history? Then my heart has been aching for the 13 year old Richardson girl whose father tried killing her, killed her 6 year old sister and himself. If she lives how do you recover from those horrible memories? No one should have to endure that kind of pain, yet everyday people do. I know my accident does not even begin to compare to either of these, but someone did take my life as I knew it. The way I have been able to deal with that is I refuse to give him anymore of it than he took. If I am filled with hate or obsess over the fact he has not been caught then he gets more of my life. But more importantly the Word tells me I will only be forgiven to the degree that I forgive others and I know how much forgivness I need! May the Lord give us all the ability to forgive and pray for our enemies.

We Are Blessed

Do you think we truly understand how very blessed we are to live in the United States? I know that I take the freedoms that I have too much for granted. Tonight I watched a movie called Sometimes In April about the Rwandan genocide. A few years ago I saw Hotel Rowanda which was very similar to this movie tonight. At the time I remember asking myself how this could have happened in 1994 and me be oblivious to it? 1,000,000 people slaughtered in 100 days! For no other reason than they were different. I am not sure how they could visually tell a Hutu from a Tutsi? What happens to a person's heart that they can become so inhumane? The Hutu's didn't care if they were children, young or old. They called the Tutsi's "cockroaches" and yet they would rape the women before killing them? The deeper question for me is how did the rest of the world sit by and just watch this happen? One of the quotes in the movie has a government official saying "but it is Rwandans killing Rwandans". Guess it would coorelate to the Civil War when Americans were killing Americans? I ask myself what difference could I have made? I don't know. I would like to think I would have at the least prayed. So many of those being murdered seemed to have so much courage. Just like so many of the Jews in Germany. Would I have that kind of courage? Yet, which takes more courage dying or standing up against wrong for what is right? There were Hutu's that hid Tutsi's in an effort to save them, just as there were those that hid Jews. I would like to think that I would be brave enough to risk my life in the effort to save someone else. I know this is a heavy post, but I pray that all of us will be God's presence and light in a world filled with darkness. As you read this take a moment and say a prayer for those all over the world who tonight are being persecuted for no other reason than they are not being loved with the love that God wants us to have for all people. May we be on the watch for how we can make a difference.

Foot Massage

They say "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach", well the way to my heart is through a foot massage! For the months my mom and dad lived with us when I needed constant care, my mom would massage by feet everynight as I went to bed and it was so relaxing. The last few months Steve has picked up the habit and has been massaging my left foot. It is still numb in spots and tends to have a tingling sensation. When he just rubs it, it just feels so much better and then when he also puts lotion on it, it is just the best! I have never had a complete body massage, but I am thinking somewhere down the road I am going to have to try one, because if one foot feels so good, the whole body must be remarkable!

Another Milestone

Well tonight was another recovery milestone! I cleaned the kitchen after dinner! Who would have thought that I would take joy in that? Steve has been so great at doing the dishes for the past two years. I have been able to cook some as I try to do things that I can just put in a crockpot, grill or microwave and that doesn't take a lot of standing time. But my sinks are too high to sit and wash dishes. What was funny is that we had our dishwasher replaced sometime over the past year and I had to ask Steve to show me how to use it tonight! Guess I will have to see what I will be able to do next...perhaps dust! I am looking forward to the weather getting pretty again so that I can get the backyard spruced up and my new pool cushions put out and begin enjoying sitting out in the sun and getting this white body a little bit more color. Everyone have a great weekend. Don't forget to drop by R.E. from 10-1 for the Day of the Young Child.

Backyard Friends

So this morning I pass by my sunroom window and notice our pool cleaning gizmo is stuck on the railing of the stairs. I go out to unhook it and look up and notice I had some friends. Here

they are:

I was amazed that they did not fly away! Then I came in and got my camera and they still stayed. This same mama and papa duck have been visiting for awhile now. You would think the chlorine in the pool would bother them, but evidently not. On another subject I went to the doctor today for a 2 week check up since surgery. I really was anticipating some bad news, but I am very thankful to report that he said my leg looked "excellent". I love that word!! There is still some major strengthening that needs to happen and he said things will still be fragile for about six months. But at the moment, everything was lined up straight. He was also pleased to see how well I was walking. So if the swelling would just go down where I could get my foot back into a regular shoe. So after my visit I had some things to get at Hobby Lobby for "The Day of the Young Child" at church on Saturday, so I actually walked the store from front to back! So praises go up today for God's sweet creation of ducks and His faithfulness in healing.

Supper Club Friends

Whoever said "laughter is the best medicine" was so right! When I first came to RE there was a group of women who invited me to join them on Wednesdays nights after church for food and fellowship. They called themselves the Supper Club. Over the years I have grown to love each one of the ladies. Each and everyone is so different, but put us all together and we just have fun together. I look forward to Wednesday nights and was really bummed when our elders moved their meetings to every other Wednesday night because it meant I would miss Supper club every other week. Tonight I was suppose to go to an elder's meeting, but I skipped it to be with my friends because it was going to be a special night. Randy and Linda had been part of the extra crowds for the grand finale filming of Friday Night Lights. Tonight that episode aired and we all gathered to watch a DVR version so we could stop and scan the crowds. Sure enough we were all excited when Randy spotted herself. Unfortunately, we could not see Linda. But tonight was no exception in that it was riddled with laughs. Next time you see Linda Matthews ask her what is the difference between a pettifore and a pedophile.

Wreck Anniversary

2 years ago today was my accident. It some ways it seems like yesterday and others it seems like such a long time ago. My mom put together a little memory book of pictures of my journey.

This picture began the book. When I look at the car, all I can do is give thanks to God that the major impact was on the passenger side and not the driver side. The injuries would have been so much worse. When I think back on that night there are mixed thoughts. The first is "Why didn't I go up the tollway instead of 75?" For a moment I had that choice, my life would have been different if I had taken the tollway instead.

Then I am so thankful for the good samaritans that stopped to help me that night and who stayed with me till the ambulance arrived and called Steve and my mother for me. I am thankful that God in His mercy allowed me to sleep once the rescue workers got me out of the car, and I don't remember anything about the pain. They say the way my bone broke through the skin that it was a near amputation. So another blessing is the location of the accident in that I got taken to Baylor instead of another hospital, because on staff that night at Baylor was the only doctor in Dallas who has experience with the Illizarov frame and is a world known trauma surgeon. So even though it has been a longer journey than was expected, I am thankful that Dr. Freudigman was able to save my leg. I am sure it will still take months and years for me to process everything from these past two years. I know that I have not taken as much advantage of the time as I could have, but to be honest, it has been easier to fill the time with escape, so I have watched way too much T.V. I could have read so many books by now, but I just can't seem to concentrate and start the same book over and over. So I wish today's blog was filled with deep spiritual lessons I have learned during this process, but instead, I have to confess, I feel I am still on the journey and still taking it just one day at a time. Trying to be grateful for each day but knowing that if God had taken me home 2 years ago, the journey would have been so much easier. I am sure at some point He will reveal His purpose for leaving me here.

Shirley Temple

Tonight I am watching "Little Miss Broadway" with Shirley Temple. I love the way her movies make me smile. She was just so cute and talented. I know there has to be other equally cute and talented kids, but there just doesn't seem to be any to match Shirley. I don't know what makes her so appealing? The movies were pretty much all the same...She is always an orphan who sings and dances her way into someone's heart. This particular movie starred Jimmy Durante. Now what made him a star? Just the novelty of his nose?
Another all time favorite movie of mine is Pollyanna with Haley Mills. I remember showing this movie a few years ago to a group of 5th and 6th grade girls on a sleep over. They were not impressed. Guess these movies don't translate through time, but they bring back memories for me, and I never get tired of watching them. Kind of like I Love Lucy. How many times can one watch her Vita-Vegamin commerical and not just laugh? My favorite has always been when she is at the retuarant in the booth next to William Holden and eating spagetti. How about you? Do you have a favorite that you just never get tired of?

My Great Nephew

My niece Danette (who is my namesake, Danette Lynn) had a little baby boy on March 13th. His name is Talon Jon. I just thought you might like to meet him today, as my sister sent a picture. I know I am prejudiced, but does he not look like a beautiful baby? This is my sister's third grandchild. I have to be honest and admit I am a little jealous as I will never be a grandmother and yet at the same time not having grandchildren makes me feel younger because I don't realize I am actually old enough to be a grandmother. Unfortunately, no telling how old Talon will be before I get to hold him? They live in Denver and I don't know when I will be going there in the near future. In the meantime, I'm thankful for being able to keep current with news and pictures on the internet. Too bad babies can't stay babies a bit longer, seems like they just grow up so fast. I am sure no one realizes that more than some of you moms.

LTC

Well tomorrow is good Friday and for the first time in 9 years I will not be working on this day. The church office is always closed on this day, and all the other staff get it as a vacation day but because the children participate in Leadership Training for Christ, I was always getting things set up for the convention. It will seem so strange not to be a part of that tomorrow. Since the redistribution of my job responsibilities, LTC does not fall under my umbrella anymore. So I will go on Saturday just as a supporter and observer. I actually have been involved in LTC for 14 years! So I really am going through withdrawal not being involved as a coach of any kind this year. I remember my first year all I took was a chorus because I really did not know what it was all about. Our Mesquite families went, the kids sang, we all went out to eat at the downtown El Fenix. Then I thought, perhaps I will go back and see what else is going on. I went room to room and watched all these amazing events and the kids participating them and determined that the next year we too would participate in more. I am excited every year to run into the Mesquite church people and kids and see they have continued to participate in LTC every year. When I first came to Richardson East, they were not involved either, so we began participating and now nine years later it is still going. I am especially proud of Brittany, Kirstin and Kelcie because they have been participating since they were grade school and now as high schoolers are coaching younger kids. To me this is the whole purpose of the weekend, is helping our kids find their spiritual gifts and giving them opportunity to grow in them and find a way to lead in God's Kingdom! So while, I will just be a observer this year and because of my retirement it will be my last LTC, I will take joy in watching our kids in action! The blessing is that other adults have continued the coaching and involvement and hopefully will keep it going. Thanks especially to Kelley Thomas who took on the responsibility of coordinating this year's LTC, even though her kids are not even old enough to participate yet!

My Parents

Today is my parent's 38th anniversary! I got to go over and bring them an anniversary milk shake and spend a little time with them. They are each other's best friend. I don't know anyone who just sits and talks with each other the way they do. I am so thankful that God in His mercy has extended my father's time on earth so that he and my mom can continue to have days together. I don't know how many more they will have, but I do know they will treasure each one. Thank you Mother and Daddy for the way you have modeled a marriage centered in the will of God to me. It is such a blessing to see the way you love each other!
I know God smiles from heaven as He is honored by the covenant you have kept with one another for 38 years. I love you both very much.

Faith In God

Tonight I was listen to an interview with Elizabeth Edwards regarding the return of her cancer.
Evidently the Edwards had a son die in an accident 11 years ago at the age of 16. She said she learned then that God was not who she thought He was, as up to that time she thought He was a God who would intervene, but He does not always do so, so she is not expecting Him to intervene now. She said said she had to change her thoughts of God with the facts. I think this has been a revelation in my journey as well. I have said in the last 2 years that "I cannot go by what I feel, but what I know." We quote Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." But the truth is, we really prefer to see. We want proof. But Hebrews 11 is a description of a miriad of people in the Bible who did not see. In fact verse 13 says "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance." They too had to adjust their thoughts about their God, but in the end chose to trust not in what they could see but what was promised an eternal home. I love the way the Message words verses 39-40 "Not one of these people, even though their lives of faith were exemplary, got their hands on what was promised. God had a better plan for us: that their faith and our faith would come together to make one completed whole, their lives of faith not complete apart from ours." Is that not AMAZING?? My faith is going to come together with Abraham, Noah, Moses, Paul, Esther, Ruth, etc., etc. My faith is not complete without theirs, and theirs is not complete without mine. Mind boggling? So the bottom line is even though God may not rescue or intervene the way I thought He would, He is still God and His ways are still best and I will chose to trust in hopes that may faith will come together with yours and all others before and after us to make a completed whole.

What's The Cost?

This morning I was watching my regular Sunday morning preachers and heard some great messages, but the one that touched my heart was by a preacher I don't normally listen to and I can't even tell you who he is, but he was talking about the last week in Jesus life. When he came to the day where Jesus and the apostles shared the Last Supper he went through each apostle and told how they were martyred for staying faithful to Christ. He said that each one of them gave up their lives to share that last meal with Jesus. Then he asked "What do you give up to share communion with Jesus?" It got me to thinking about how many times I am guilty of partaking of communion without considering it's meaning. I wish I could say that everytime I partake I am centered, but most times I have to really make myself focus because my mind easily wanders (especially on those Sundays where I am leaving to lead Children's Worship). It is such an intimate moment between me and the Savior. I hope that I can commit to guarding my mind and embracing the moment. I pray that each of you has a wonderful week leading up to Easter. Spend time walking with the Lord this week as each day has such a special significance. The kids and I spent time with palm leaves today recreating the road to Jerusalem and singing Hosanna to the Lord. Amazing how on this Sunday He was heralded and praised and only five days later was crucified with only a few remaining faithful to Him.