Making Decisions

So if you have a decision to make how do you determine what God's will is? I know we all pray, but how does God make it clear what He wants you to do when you have a choice to make? If you have a time that He showed you the right decision to make, I would love to hear how He confirmed that decision for you.

God's Shadow

I read today in Joni Erickson Tada's book "Intimacy with God", this Psalm 121 verse:
"He who watches over you will not slumber, indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you-the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life." To be honest I read verses like this one and can't help but ask if they apply to us today? I realize this was David's thoughts about God but does that mean it is a promise for us? I have claimed several of the Psalms as promises, but when I look at them, they aren't God saying these things about Himself, it is David saying these things about God. Yet, I know the Bible was inspired by God. I guess my struggle is that I don't know that God does protect us from harm. I know we can say well he protects us from spiritual harm. But this verse seems to be referring to physical harm. God does not always protect us from physical harm, all we have to do is look at Job to know that. So what do you think that Psalms 121 is referring to? Or how do you interpret Psalm 91:11-12 "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways they will lift you up in their hands, so that you not strike your foot against a stone." I feel like the father who came to Jesus and said "Lord I believe, but help my unbelief".

Focus Group

So tonight I made the most money I have ever made! $50.00 an hour. I was asked to come and be a part of a focus group to gather information on our experiences on wearing the external fixator. There were eight of us, all of us patients of my doctor. It was interesting hearing their stories. I was by far not the worst one there. One man has worn four fixators and has had 34 surgies in 4 years. Another man had 39 surgies. One thing we all agreed is that wearing the frame was definitely worth it to save our legs. We were all thankful that Dr. Freudigman fought to save our legs when others talked about amputations. There is something comforting about being with others that know exactly how you feel. I guess that is why support groups work so well. I hope the feedback that we gave will help the company that manufacturers the frame to make some improvements that would make it better and more user friendly. At the end of our two hour time we felt we had a common bond and we all walked out with $100 bill. Now I have to figure out what to splurge on!!

So for about a week now I have been really struggling with a downcast spirit. I am not sure why and really can't put my finger on it. Usually when I get this way it is only a couple of days. My sweet husband emailed me two verses today Hebrews 13:5 " "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you"and 2 Chronicles 16:9 “For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose Heart is completely His. … " with some comments hoping to cheer me up. This was my question to him. My head knows the verses and I do try to tell myself such verses, but for some reason right now what I know and what I feel are not the same. I asked God this morning why I can't feel His presence and comfort? The things that usually work to restore my joy just aren't yet, and today's weather did not help. Anyway...not needing anyone to feel sorry for me, just trying to be honest on this post. I didn't post yesterday because I did not have anything I thought was uplifting to say. Today I decided that I can't always be upbeat on here, just asking you to walk the journey with me. If you do have something that works for you when you get down, I would appreciate hearing about it.

The Sunflower

Wednesday night at Supper Club Piper brought a book called The Sunflower by Richard Paul Evans. I tried to tell her that I had a stack of books to read that I have not been able to get to, but she and Deb assured me that this was a sweet and easy read. Well two afternoons and I finished it and indeed it was a sweet read. It was a sweet love story as well as an inspiring story of one's mission (calling) in life. How God can bring beauty out of ashes. One of the quotes in the book really struck me "There are times, it seems, that God throws a cosmic switch that moves the tracks beneath us, burling our lives headlong in a new and uncertain direction. Of these times just two things are certain. It's best we don't know what's ahead. We can never go back." I totally agree that we can never go back, but this controlling nature that I have says what do you mean it's best we don't know what's ahead? Oh...you mean we have to have faith? As I continue on this journey may I just trust that even though I don't know what is ahead, I do have a faithful God that will see me through one step at a time.

God's Creation

Today I spent a couple of hours watching Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel. It is amazing how they captured on film so many species of animals in their natural habitat. But even more amazing is seeing God's creativity in making them all! It really brought home Romans 1:20 "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." I ask myself if God did all of this in 7 days, and 2000 years ago Jesus said "I go to prepare a place for you", how much more beautiful is heaven going to be than this earth?
As the song says "I Can Only Imagine".

My Brother

My brother Brent is two years younger than me. He lives in Denver. I would appreciate you all sending up some prayers for him as he had double knee replacement surgery today. He has a rough recovery road ahead of him. He could have chosen to have one knee done at a time but he wanted a shorter recovery period. He has had really severe arthritis for several years so hopefully this surgery will significantly improve his quality of life. The surgery today was more complicated than expected and he was in the recovery room longer than expected, so not off to a great start. So I ask you to pray for his healing and I ask you to pray that he will encounter the Lord's presence in amazing ways. It is times like these that I hate my family is spread so far apart, I would love to be able to just drop in and see him and pray with him. Thanks so much for your prayers on his behalf! Hope you all have a great Friday!

Prayer

Today I came across this prayer from Augustine:
"God of our life, there are days when the burdens we carry chafe our shoulders and weigh us down; when the road seems dreary and endless, the skies grey and threatening; when our lives have no music in them, and our hearts are lonely, and our souls have lost their courage. Flood the path with light, run our eyes to where the skies are full of promise; tune our hearts to brave music; give us the sense of comradeship with heroes and saints of every age; and so quicken our spirits that we may be able to encourage the souls of all who journey with us on the road of life, to Your honour and glory."
After reading this prayer it made my prayers seem so small. Where does someone get this kind of prayer lanuage? And how did it get recorded so that I could be blessed by it so many years later? Hope you were blessed by it as well.

Using My Gifts

Today I saw this quote "God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called". It made me give thanks again that God has called me into His ministry. I do have to remind myself from time to time that it is His ministry and not mine. If there are any successes then He is the one that should get the glory. All the volunteers that partner with me in His ministry are called by Him as well. I am so thankful for each one of them and thankful that He equips us all. So now I am looking at retiring in December and am looking to see what He will call me to do next? I am assuming He will call me to do something else, or do the same thing somewhere else. I don't know what it is yet, but hopefully He will make it clear for Steve and I both.

Forgive My Enemies

I know we are all grieving about the shootings at Virginia Tech today. While I know that our hearts and prayers go out to the families of all those who died. What about the family of the shooter. How do you live life knowing your son, brother, nephew, grandson, etc. is responsible for the worst school massacre in history? Then my heart has been aching for the 13 year old Richardson girl whose father tried killing her, killed her 6 year old sister and himself. If she lives how do you recover from those horrible memories? No one should have to endure that kind of pain, yet everyday people do. I know my accident does not even begin to compare to either of these, but someone did take my life as I knew it. The way I have been able to deal with that is I refuse to give him anymore of it than he took. If I am filled with hate or obsess over the fact he has not been caught then he gets more of my life. But more importantly the Word tells me I will only be forgiven to the degree that I forgive others and I know how much forgivness I need! May the Lord give us all the ability to forgive and pray for our enemies.

We Are Blessed

Do you think we truly understand how very blessed we are to live in the United States? I know that I take the freedoms that I have too much for granted. Tonight I watched a movie called Sometimes In April about the Rwandan genocide. A few years ago I saw Hotel Rowanda which was very similar to this movie tonight. At the time I remember asking myself how this could have happened in 1994 and me be oblivious to it? 1,000,000 people slaughtered in 100 days! For no other reason than they were different. I am not sure how they could visually tell a Hutu from a Tutsi? What happens to a person's heart that they can become so inhumane? The Hutu's didn't care if they were children, young or old. They called the Tutsi's "cockroaches" and yet they would rape the women before killing them? The deeper question for me is how did the rest of the world sit by and just watch this happen? One of the quotes in the movie has a government official saying "but it is Rwandans killing Rwandans". Guess it would coorelate to the Civil War when Americans were killing Americans? I ask myself what difference could I have made? I don't know. I would like to think I would have at the least prayed. So many of those being murdered seemed to have so much courage. Just like so many of the Jews in Germany. Would I have that kind of courage? Yet, which takes more courage dying or standing up against wrong for what is right? There were Hutu's that hid Tutsi's in an effort to save them, just as there were those that hid Jews. I would like to think that I would be brave enough to risk my life in the effort to save someone else. I know this is a heavy post, but I pray that all of us will be God's presence and light in a world filled with darkness. As you read this take a moment and say a prayer for those all over the world who tonight are being persecuted for no other reason than they are not being loved with the love that God wants us to have for all people. May we be on the watch for how we can make a difference.

Foot Massage

They say "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach", well the way to my heart is through a foot massage! For the months my mom and dad lived with us when I needed constant care, my mom would massage by feet everynight as I went to bed and it was so relaxing. The last few months Steve has picked up the habit and has been massaging my left foot. It is still numb in spots and tends to have a tingling sensation. When he just rubs it, it just feels so much better and then when he also puts lotion on it, it is just the best! I have never had a complete body massage, but I am thinking somewhere down the road I am going to have to try one, because if one foot feels so good, the whole body must be remarkable!

Another Milestone

Well tonight was another recovery milestone! I cleaned the kitchen after dinner! Who would have thought that I would take joy in that? Steve has been so great at doing the dishes for the past two years. I have been able to cook some as I try to do things that I can just put in a crockpot, grill or microwave and that doesn't take a lot of standing time. But my sinks are too high to sit and wash dishes. What was funny is that we had our dishwasher replaced sometime over the past year and I had to ask Steve to show me how to use it tonight! Guess I will have to see what I will be able to do next...perhaps dust! I am looking forward to the weather getting pretty again so that I can get the backyard spruced up and my new pool cushions put out and begin enjoying sitting out in the sun and getting this white body a little bit more color. Everyone have a great weekend. Don't forget to drop by R.E. from 10-1 for the Day of the Young Child.

Backyard Friends

So this morning I pass by my sunroom window and notice our pool cleaning gizmo is stuck on the railing of the stairs. I go out to unhook it and look up and notice I had some friends. Here

they are:

I was amazed that they did not fly away! Then I came in and got my camera and they still stayed. This same mama and papa duck have been visiting for awhile now. You would think the chlorine in the pool would bother them, but evidently not. On another subject I went to the doctor today for a 2 week check up since surgery. I really was anticipating some bad news, but I am very thankful to report that he said my leg looked "excellent". I love that word!! There is still some major strengthening that needs to happen and he said things will still be fragile for about six months. But at the moment, everything was lined up straight. He was also pleased to see how well I was walking. So if the swelling would just go down where I could get my foot back into a regular shoe. So after my visit I had some things to get at Hobby Lobby for "The Day of the Young Child" at church on Saturday, so I actually walked the store from front to back! So praises go up today for God's sweet creation of ducks and His faithfulness in healing.

Supper Club Friends

Whoever said "laughter is the best medicine" was so right! When I first came to RE there was a group of women who invited me to join them on Wednesdays nights after church for food and fellowship. They called themselves the Supper Club. Over the years I have grown to love each one of the ladies. Each and everyone is so different, but put us all together and we just have fun together. I look forward to Wednesday nights and was really bummed when our elders moved their meetings to every other Wednesday night because it meant I would miss Supper club every other week. Tonight I was suppose to go to an elder's meeting, but I skipped it to be with my friends because it was going to be a special night. Randy and Linda had been part of the extra crowds for the grand finale filming of Friday Night Lights. Tonight that episode aired and we all gathered to watch a DVR version so we could stop and scan the crowds. Sure enough we were all excited when Randy spotted herself. Unfortunately, we could not see Linda. But tonight was no exception in that it was riddled with laughs. Next time you see Linda Matthews ask her what is the difference between a pettifore and a pedophile.

Wreck Anniversary

2 years ago today was my accident. It some ways it seems like yesterday and others it seems like such a long time ago. My mom put together a little memory book of pictures of my journey.

This picture began the book. When I look at the car, all I can do is give thanks to God that the major impact was on the passenger side and not the driver side. The injuries would have been so much worse. When I think back on that night there are mixed thoughts. The first is "Why didn't I go up the tollway instead of 75?" For a moment I had that choice, my life would have been different if I had taken the tollway instead.

Then I am so thankful for the good samaritans that stopped to help me that night and who stayed with me till the ambulance arrived and called Steve and my mother for me. I am thankful that God in His mercy allowed me to sleep once the rescue workers got me out of the car, and I don't remember anything about the pain. They say the way my bone broke through the skin that it was a near amputation. So another blessing is the location of the accident in that I got taken to Baylor instead of another hospital, because on staff that night at Baylor was the only doctor in Dallas who has experience with the Illizarov frame and is a world known trauma surgeon. So even though it has been a longer journey than was expected, I am thankful that Dr. Freudigman was able to save my leg. I am sure it will still take months and years for me to process everything from these past two years. I know that I have not taken as much advantage of the time as I could have, but to be honest, it has been easier to fill the time with escape, so I have watched way too much T.V. I could have read so many books by now, but I just can't seem to concentrate and start the same book over and over. So I wish today's blog was filled with deep spiritual lessons I have learned during this process, but instead, I have to confess, I feel I am still on the journey and still taking it just one day at a time. Trying to be grateful for each day but knowing that if God had taken me home 2 years ago, the journey would have been so much easier. I am sure at some point He will reveal His purpose for leaving me here.

Shirley Temple

Tonight I am watching "Little Miss Broadway" with Shirley Temple. I love the way her movies make me smile. She was just so cute and talented. I know there has to be other equally cute and talented kids, but there just doesn't seem to be any to match Shirley. I don't know what makes her so appealing? The movies were pretty much all the same...She is always an orphan who sings and dances her way into someone's heart. This particular movie starred Jimmy Durante. Now what made him a star? Just the novelty of his nose?
Another all time favorite movie of mine is Pollyanna with Haley Mills. I remember showing this movie a few years ago to a group of 5th and 6th grade girls on a sleep over. They were not impressed. Guess these movies don't translate through time, but they bring back memories for me, and I never get tired of watching them. Kind of like I Love Lucy. How many times can one watch her Vita-Vegamin commerical and not just laugh? My favorite has always been when she is at the retuarant in the booth next to William Holden and eating spagetti. How about you? Do you have a favorite that you just never get tired of?

My Great Nephew

My niece Danette (who is my namesake, Danette Lynn) had a little baby boy on March 13th. His name is Talon Jon. I just thought you might like to meet him today, as my sister sent a picture. I know I am prejudiced, but does he not look like a beautiful baby? This is my sister's third grandchild. I have to be honest and admit I am a little jealous as I will never be a grandmother and yet at the same time not having grandchildren makes me feel younger because I don't realize I am actually old enough to be a grandmother. Unfortunately, no telling how old Talon will be before I get to hold him? They live in Denver and I don't know when I will be going there in the near future. In the meantime, I'm thankful for being able to keep current with news and pictures on the internet. Too bad babies can't stay babies a bit longer, seems like they just grow up so fast. I am sure no one realizes that more than some of you moms.

LTC

Well tomorrow is good Friday and for the first time in 9 years I will not be working on this day. The church office is always closed on this day, and all the other staff get it as a vacation day but because the children participate in Leadership Training for Christ, I was always getting things set up for the convention. It will seem so strange not to be a part of that tomorrow. Since the redistribution of my job responsibilities, LTC does not fall under my umbrella anymore. So I will go on Saturday just as a supporter and observer. I actually have been involved in LTC for 14 years! So I really am going through withdrawal not being involved as a coach of any kind this year. I remember my first year all I took was a chorus because I really did not know what it was all about. Our Mesquite families went, the kids sang, we all went out to eat at the downtown El Fenix. Then I thought, perhaps I will go back and see what else is going on. I went room to room and watched all these amazing events and the kids participating them and determined that the next year we too would participate in more. I am excited every year to run into the Mesquite church people and kids and see they have continued to participate in LTC every year. When I first came to Richardson East, they were not involved either, so we began participating and now nine years later it is still going. I am especially proud of Brittany, Kirstin and Kelcie because they have been participating since they were grade school and now as high schoolers are coaching younger kids. To me this is the whole purpose of the weekend, is helping our kids find their spiritual gifts and giving them opportunity to grow in them and find a way to lead in God's Kingdom! So while, I will just be a observer this year and because of my retirement it will be my last LTC, I will take joy in watching our kids in action! The blessing is that other adults have continued the coaching and involvement and hopefully will keep it going. Thanks especially to Kelley Thomas who took on the responsibility of coordinating this year's LTC, even though her kids are not even old enough to participate yet!

My Parents

Today is my parent's 38th anniversary! I got to go over and bring them an anniversary milk shake and spend a little time with them. They are each other's best friend. I don't know anyone who just sits and talks with each other the way they do. I am so thankful that God in His mercy has extended my father's time on earth so that he and my mom can continue to have days together. I don't know how many more they will have, but I do know they will treasure each one. Thank you Mother and Daddy for the way you have modeled a marriage centered in the will of God to me. It is such a blessing to see the way you love each other!
I know God smiles from heaven as He is honored by the covenant you have kept with one another for 38 years. I love you both very much.

Faith In God

Tonight I was listen to an interview with Elizabeth Edwards regarding the return of her cancer.
Evidently the Edwards had a son die in an accident 11 years ago at the age of 16. She said she learned then that God was not who she thought He was, as up to that time she thought He was a God who would intervene, but He does not always do so, so she is not expecting Him to intervene now. She said said she had to change her thoughts of God with the facts. I think this has been a revelation in my journey as well. I have said in the last 2 years that "I cannot go by what I feel, but what I know." We quote Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." But the truth is, we really prefer to see. We want proof. But Hebrews 11 is a description of a miriad of people in the Bible who did not see. In fact verse 13 says "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance." They too had to adjust their thoughts about their God, but in the end chose to trust not in what they could see but what was promised an eternal home. I love the way the Message words verses 39-40 "Not one of these people, even though their lives of faith were exemplary, got their hands on what was promised. God had a better plan for us: that their faith and our faith would come together to make one completed whole, their lives of faith not complete apart from ours." Is that not AMAZING?? My faith is going to come together with Abraham, Noah, Moses, Paul, Esther, Ruth, etc., etc. My faith is not complete without theirs, and theirs is not complete without mine. Mind boggling? So the bottom line is even though God may not rescue or intervene the way I thought He would, He is still God and His ways are still best and I will chose to trust in hopes that may faith will come together with yours and all others before and after us to make a completed whole.

What's The Cost?

This morning I was watching my regular Sunday morning preachers and heard some great messages, but the one that touched my heart was by a preacher I don't normally listen to and I can't even tell you who he is, but he was talking about the last week in Jesus life. When he came to the day where Jesus and the apostles shared the Last Supper he went through each apostle and told how they were martyred for staying faithful to Christ. He said that each one of them gave up their lives to share that last meal with Jesus. Then he asked "What do you give up to share communion with Jesus?" It got me to thinking about how many times I am guilty of partaking of communion without considering it's meaning. I wish I could say that everytime I partake I am centered, but most times I have to really make myself focus because my mind easily wanders (especially on those Sundays where I am leaving to lead Children's Worship). It is such an intimate moment between me and the Savior. I hope that I can commit to guarding my mind and embracing the moment. I pray that each of you has a wonderful week leading up to Easter. Spend time walking with the Lord this week as each day has such a special significance. The kids and I spent time with palm leaves today recreating the road to Jerusalem and singing Hosanna to the Lord. Amazing how on this Sunday He was heralded and praised and only five days later was crucified with only a few remaining faithful to Him.