Love So Amazing

Sometimes I stop long enough to actually contemplate God's love for me and it takes my breath away. I wish I could express it as well as some of the musical artist out there. About a week ago I was getting dressed and the lyrics of a song caught my attention. I thought I could remember them and look them up later, but I haven't been able to find them, as I was looking for "what kind of king"....then this morning I heard it again and made sure I wrote it down. It is by a group I have never heard of before, Downhere and called "How Many Kings?"...the lyrics are amazing and have made me once again realize how great the Father's love is for me. I am so glad that nothing I do or don't do can cause Him to love me any more or any less. Thank you God. This has quickly become my new favorite song.

Christmas Cards

I usually buy my Christmas Cards when they go on sale after Christmas for the following year. I started many years ago trying to pick a card that has a great message about Christ and not just a fun Christmas or Winter scene. It might be the only chance that some of the people I send the card to hear anything about my Lord and the reason for the season.

This year I decided I might need more cards than what I bought last year since we moved and now I need to add some Texas friends to my list. So while at Walmart yesterday I decided to see if I could find a card I liked. Imagine my surprise when Walmart's displays were all labeled Holiday cards. The ones that had a spiritual message were called Inspirational cards. Holiday cards?? I didn't see any for Valentines or Easter, just Christmas cards....why is it that Christmas is the only day of celebration that is now a holiday? Because no other holiday as the word Christ associated with it. You don't see Happy Holiday on an Easter card. So why can't Walmart just label the cards as what they are....Christmas Cards? I wonder if Walmart and all the other stores that have removed Christmas from their advertising realize that the word Holiday is actually derived from "holy day"? Political correctness....if there are Hanukah cards, Kwanza cards, and Holiday cards, why can't there also be a section called Christmas cards? So I just didn't buy any of Walmart's Holiday cards and went to Hobby Lobby and found some cute Christmas cards entitled "Sharing The Story". Thought they were perfect as that is what I want to do with my Christmas cards is share the story.

Walking In Daddy's Shoes

When we were little we always tried to walk in our parent’s shoes. We’ve all seen those pictures of those little feet in those big shoes. We could never dream that we would ever be able to fill those shoes.
(this is my niece Alyssa in her Grandy's boots)
Today is the 2 month anniversary of my Daddy’s homegoing and I was just thinking of the big spiritual shoes he left to fill. My mom gave me a pair of his boots that I have sitting in my bedroom and each time I walk by them I am reminded of the big shoes that I have to fill. I am not sure I ever will, but it does keep me humble and give me something to aim for.

My father was one of the most spiritual men that I have ever known. He loved his God with every fiber of his being and found no greater joy than when he was able to share His Word with others, or just sit and talk to you one on one about a passage that He had read and what it meant to him. We had some great conversations and some great prayer time together. Others may talk to their dads about politics or sports or the weather, but our talks were mostly spiritual and had to do with what God was doing in our lives. What a blessing that was and how I miss those times!

So today in his honor, I wrote this poem:

Walking In Daddy’s Shoes

My sweet Daddy you left such big shoes to fill
When it comes to being a Christian you were the real deal.
Loving your heavenly Father with all of your heart
Pouring His love out on me right from the start.

There has been that saying “what would Jesus do?”
To watch you would give me a very good clue?
You loved God’s Word, studied it through and through
My best memories are talking about His Word and praying with you.

I can only hope that one day my heart will be pure like yours,
I want to resist Satan, his temptations and his lures.
I want to be kindhearted, compassionate with grace flowing deep,
Like you I want no unkind word from my lips ever to seep.

I want to love Steve with the love you had for mother,
To be faithful to him always with a love for no other.
Watching you love made me always believe,
If I prayed and I waited I too would receive.

I want to live my life in a way that other’s will say
Her daddy must be proud when he looks down on her today,
Her love for her Heavenly Father is obviously real
In part from those big shoes her earthy father left her to fill.

I love you Daddy with all of my heart,
So sad that God's plan was for us to part.
But I know where you are and where I will be
And yearn for the day when you again I will see.

Joy

In Ladies Bible Class we are studying Beth Moore's study "Stepping Up" on the Psalms of ascent. Today's lesson was on the Feast of Tabernacles and what a time of rejoicing that was for the children of Israel. Beth was so very excited to share the things that the Lord had taught her. She made this comment "sometimes I am so full of joy, I think my face will explode and skin will be plastered to the wall" I thought to myself "When have I ever been that full of joy"? When have I ever been so excited about what God has told me in His Word or has whispered in my ear that I was so full of joy it just spilled on anyone that came my way? Better question is "what is it that holds me back"? I am praying that my heart will be transformed into the heart of the Psalmist in Psalms 145:

1 I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
2 Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
3 Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
4 One generation commends your works to another;
they tell of your mighty acts.
5 They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.[b]
6 They tell of the power of your awesome works—
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
7 They celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
8 The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
9 The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.
10 All your works praise you, LORD;
your faithful people extol you.
11 They tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might,
12 so that all people may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.
The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises
and faithful in all he does.
14 The LORD upholds all who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
16 You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
17 The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and faithful in all he does.
18 The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
20 The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
21 My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

Giving Thanks

I don't know about you but I am so guilty of getting caught in all the trappings of the holidays, that I actually spend very little time thinking about the true meaning of the holidays. The last few years I have done better about actually celebrating my Jesus at Christmas, but this year I thought perhaps I needed to do more to embrace Thanksgiving. Thanks to Facebook, lots of people have been posting what they are thankful for, so I thought I would just brainstorm here and see how many things I could come up with in ten minutes??

1. I am thankful for a God who loves me unconditionally.
2. I am thankful that I am a recipient of every spiritual blessing in Christ Jesus.
3. I am thankful for the home that is awaiting me.
2. I am thankful for a husband who loves that God and therefore loves me
unconditionally
3. I am thankful for a father who is now with my God and for all the love he
poured out on me.
4. I am thankful for a mother who chooses to continue to trust God and allow Him to
be her God of all comfort.
5. I am thankful for a mother who instilled faith into my heart and showed me who
God is. I am thankful that she and I can pray together and study the Word
together.
6. I am thankful for family that keeps life interesting.
7. I am thankful for the myriad of friends God has blessed me with who make this
life journey so much fuller.
8. I am thankful for the gifts and abilities God has blessed me with that allow me
to participate in ministry.
9. I am thankful for the physical blessings God has given me: a home, food,
clothes, cars and a computer to blog with :-)
10. I am thankful for the beauty of this earth, especially now what I see everyday
in Colorado
11. I am thankful for our new small group.
12. I am thankful for my old small group.
13. I am thankful for men and women of God who have the gift of writing that help me
grow deeper in my faith
14. I am thankful for the doctors God has used to give me healing
15. I am thankful for the drugs which help me be able to function in my pain.
16. I am thankful for those that have the gift of music and how their music and
lyrics bless my soul.
17. I am thankful for Facebook and being able to stay in touch and be back in touch
with those who no longer live near

So that is it for 10 minutes. I am sure there is so much more. Perhaps I should have just said I would see how long I could go. Now the real test is not to just use ten minutes to make a list, but to recognize the things that are around me every minute of every day to be thankful for. And while I am at it....thanks to those of you who still take the time to drop by and read these words....you keep me humble.

May you all have a wonderful season of Thanksgiving.

God's Miracles

To me there is no greater miracle of God than a new born baby. Today we drove up to Denver to meet Noah Caswell Landis. He is my brother Brent's first grandson and third grandchild. Christa and her husband Robby have a 2 year old little girl, Ella.
When we arrived at the hospital, Ella was trying to decide what she thought of her new baby brother.

Noah weighed 7lbs, 2 ounces and was 20 inches long, but he just seemed so small. I know that it will just be a blink of an eye and he will be a toddler.

You hold that sweet baby and wonder what they are thinking. Especially as we are all talking baby talk and saying silly things. Can't wait to see what Noah's little personality will be. His sister Ella is very smart and constantly on the go, she wants to make sure she doesn't miss a thing. It is going to be so much fun being able to watch them both grow up from a closer range than Texas.

Questioning God

There are times in our life that we go through something that rocks our world as we know it and the doors to our heart of faith are rattled. The last month has been another one of those times for me. For 3 1/2 years we have known that we were living on borrowed time when it came to my father. So it wasn't the fact that he was going to die that was difficult. We wanted him to win the victory he has been fighting for. But I guess I always just thought he would die peacefully in his sleep. And for sure I had never even contemplated what it would be like to be with him when he took his last breath. Well, for almost 2 weeks I was with my father during his last days because he had a series of strokes that left him unable to be mobile and my mom needed help. It was so hard watching him no longer be able to use his right hand, but even worse was when he could no longer speak and would get so frustrated trying. But that pails in comparison to his last few days where he was not in control of anything and in so much pain. God would give us a few bright moments when he was able to say something that we could understand. But most of the time we just tried to keep him comfortable with morphine. The more and more I prayed that God would take him home, the more and more frustrated I became that God just left him in pain. It just seemed that God had abandoned us. I had to keep telling myself that that was not true because God promises to never leave us or forsake us at least five different times in the Bible, including Hebrews 13:5. I just couldn't understand how a God of love, kindness and compassion, would let someone endure such turmoil and pain in their final hours? Where was that "peace that passes all understanding?" What was I suppose to be learning? I kept saying "I will trust, even though You don't feel very trustworthy right now". Then I finally started talking to Satan and telling him to leave that he was not going to win.

Don't you find it difficult when God doesn't conform to your preconcieved idea of who He is? I imagine He just sits up in heaven and shakes His head and says "I wonder if she will ever get it, I AM God and she is not". Sometimes I wish that He would just answer my questions, and yet why do I think He should? Isn't that what Job wanted? Like God owes me any answers??? No, but wouldn't He just like to share some with me? Who am I kidding? Even if He did answer, He is God, would I even understand His answers??

Then for the past 10 days we have been with Steve's mother who is also having health problems. She said over and over again "I just want this to be over with, I want to go see Herb" (her husband who passed 7 years ago) Then on top of everything else she started having nightmares that she could not distinguish between reality and a dream. They bothered her throughout the day. Interesting that she could remember every day at exactly 5:00 to take a pill, but could not understand that she needed to change her Depends every day. It was so hard watching her not be able to do the easiest of things on her own.

So once again I am talking to God. God, why does this have to be so hard? Why do these sweet little people have to leave this earth in such a hard way? Isn't death suppose to be a good thing? How do you keep your eye on the prize, when things are so awful? I remember at one time my father's favorite saying was "Hallelujah anyway". I don't remember him being able to say that at the end. So once again it is just hard not to question God and ask Him where He is in the midst of suffering.
When we are younger suffering can teach us some lessons and even draw us closer to God. But when your mind is not what it once was you don't learn anything from suffering. You can't even begin to question what the purpose must be. So then it is left to those around to process.

I have no answers, just more questions, but this I do know. God doesn't mind my questions. He understands that I have them. This is the fine line. Demanding an answer. God owes me nothing. He is God and I am not. I have no other choice but to trust that His reasons are perfect because they can be no less. There is so much suffering in this world. I can wish that the elderly didn't have to suffer, but then what about children? What about those in 3rd world countries? What about those who are trapped in bodies that do not work at all but their minds are sharp? Or what about those whose minds are not sharp but their bodies work fine? In this world there is all sorts of suffering and no one is immune. Why does God allow it?? I have no idea, but it makes me look even more anxiously towards heaven, not just because there will be no pain or sorrow there, but because all things will be made known. Will it matter? Maybe not....but I just see myself with a big smile on my face nodding and affirming "yep....you are God and I am not". In the meantime I will remind myself that "only when the night is darkest can you see the morning star." (Larry Crabb, in 66 Love Letters)

Fall in Colorado

Fall has always been my favorite time of year. Unfortunately, in Texas there isn't much of change when Fall comes. I remember when I lived a short time in Tennessee how beautiful the trees were when they changed colors, and one time I went to visit my friend, Terry, in Ohio and the colors were breathtaking. So I was hoping to see a similar site in Colorado. This past weekend my mom and I went on a short trip up through the mountains and the Aspens were beautiful. Not like big oak trees or the bright oranges and reds, but nevertheless breathtaking.




We are still putting one foot in front of the other and trying to take the next step.
Mother and I were able to find a bed and breakfast in Pine, Colorado (Arabian Farms)to spend a little time of peace and tranquility. It was a working horse farm. We enjoyed our stay and just sitting out in God's creation.






I take great comfort in knowing that no matter how beautiful Fall is, my Daddy is where beauty cannot be matched. Heaven is a glorious place and I can't wait to get there. I am reminded of a song we used to sing when I was in youth group:

Heaven is a wonderful place,
Filled with glory and grace,
I wanna see my Savior's face,
Heaven is a wonderful place.

Celebrating Daddy's Life

23 people gathered in my living room on September 28th to celebrate the life of my Father. Five of his six children and their spouses (and one girlfriend) were present, 4 of his 8 grandchildren and all five of his great grandchildren. Mother and Daddy had planned his funeral several years ago. It was a sweet, intimate time. I was asked to lead the opening prayer. I also sang "Oh I Want To See Him",
Brent, Brad, Caren and Cathy joined in for "Precious Memories". Different ones read some of Daddy's favorite verses: Psalm 86:1-17,Isaiah 40:28-31 and Philippians 1:19-21. Several years ago Daddy had written his own 23rd Psalm, which Brad read after Brent read the scriptural 23rd Psalm.

"The Lord is my heavenly wheelchair,I shall not want….Because…
He transports me to many beautiful and peaceful places.
He restores my Body, Spirit and Soul by His righteousness.
Even though in this world, I walk through the firey darts of demons
and devils that harbor nothing but evil and eternal death,
I will not fear their evil intents and purposes,
Because my “Wheel Chair” supports me.
The Seat on which I set was made in Heaven.
The Backrest is the immovable Power and Promises of the Gospel.
The Wheels keep me on the strait and narrow Way.
The Brake levers keep me from temptation.
The Foot Pads were designed and established by my God and will never
let my feet slip or fall.
The Arm Rests are the Loving Arms of my Savior and are made of indestructible Love, Grace and Mercy,they will never fail me.
My “Wheel Chair” will usher me into God’s Glorious Table of Blessings in spite of the attacks of my enemies.
Though my flesh grows weak, my head is anointed with Joy and Gladness.
My Cup overflows with God’s Love.
Surely Goodness and Mercy will follow me all the days of my life.
Jesus, My Lord, My Savior, My “Wheel Chair” will usher me into Heaven’s Eternal Reward and I will be a cripple no more.
I will dwell in The House of the Lord forever.”

This was written 3 years before my Father actually had to use a wheelchair.

The sweetest part of the service is where each child recieved a blessing that my father had written for each one several years ago. Then each child read excerpts from their own writings that they had made to Daddy in emails, cards and blogging in previous years. My mom had saved them all and compiled them. It was a sweet and intimate time. We closed the service in a time of open prayer. It was definitely a "where two or three together, there I am in the midst of them."

We passed out a picture of Daddy preaching to everyone because we wanted the memory of him and what he stood for to penetrate the hearts of all in attendance. Hopefully, we will all live into the legacy he has left.

We were then able to share in a meal together of ham, pulled pork, potatoe salad, chips and dip and desserts. It felt so good to be gathered as family. I just wish it hadn't taken a death to do it.

Wednesday, I accompanied mother to the mortuary to sign the death certificate. She had to sign the "cremation consent" and I read the document since she signed it without looking. I wish I hadn't as it was so very descriptive of the process. In fact, I am not so sure I will be creamated now. You can no longer spread the ashes without some kind of special permit. It made everything so very final.

You Can't Prepare

The last sixteen days seem like a dream of some kind. On September 15th, my daddy had a stroke which left him unable to speak and unable to use his right arm. He could stand sometimes, but sometimes not. On September 17th we took him to the emergency room at the VA in Denver in order to get the hospice process in place. Because he was not able to get up and down out of chair on his own and my mom couldn't help him all by herself, I began staying with them to help however I could.

It was so hard watching my sweet father try so hard to speak, but not be able to get the words to come out of his mouth. He would then just get frustrated and quit trying. He continued to eat fairly well and he did understand what we were saying to him for the most part. On Tuesday the 21st, my mom convinced me to go home and sleep and said she would not get my dad up during the night, that he could just use a urinal. I was going to stop by on my way to Bible study Wednesday morning and help get him out of bed. When I got there he was on the floor. He had tried to get out of bed and my mother could not get him back up. We got him up and dressed and in his chair and my mom insisted I go on to Bible study. I should not have listened because when I got back there he was on the floor again. She had tried to stand him up to use the urinal and he wasn't able to support himself and slumped to the floor.
From then on, I did not leave my mother alone. On Wednesday night, September 22nd, I was pushing daddy to bed. I asked him to lift his feet and he did. He even pushed the bedroom door open more for us to get through then immediately, he slumped over in his chair. He was non responsive and could not hold himself up. My mother thought he had passed and wanted us to get him in his bed. We tried, but he was so very heavy and we couldn't, so we just laid him on the floor and put a pillow underneath his head. We called hospice (which thankfully had started on Tuesday afternoon) and they sent a nurse named Bruce. The thirty minutes we were waiting for Bruce to arrive, Daddy was unresponsive and we thought that he had stopped breathing, but the minute Bruce came in the door, Daddy rolled over on his side on his own accord and began breathing normally. Bruce and Steve were then able to help sit him up and then lift him to the bed. My daddy would not leave the bed after that. Another nurse came and gave him a catheter so he would not have to worry about getting out of bed.

On Thursday his regularly scheduled hospice nurses came and after examining him told us we had hours to days, but definitely not weeks. My sister was coming in a week, and my brother in two weeks, they told us we might want to call them and let them know if they wanted to see him before he passed, they better come soon. Bruce had given us some morphine to keep Daddy comfortable and the nurses added Haladol for the time he got agitated. Right before they arrived he had been vomiting, clear black liquid. They were able to give him something to stop that. He had moments of clarity, but for the most part slept. My sister Caren had come on Thursday night to stay with us as well.

My sister Cathy arrived on Friday, and since she and Caren were both there, I gave myself permission to go home, get a shower, clean clothes and sleep in my own bed.
Daddy continued to need to be sedated with the morphine. He also did not have control of his bowels. I watched my mother loving clean him and change him over and over again with never any hesitation. She wouldn't let anyone else do it. It was here service to him in love. On Saturday, my brother Brent, his wife Anne and daughter Leanne came down and spent some time. Anne is a P.A., and she agreed with the diagnosis of the hospice nurses that Daddy's time was coming to an end. We sang some songs over him, and we read numerous chapters of Psalms to him. We kept telling him it was okay to go home, but he just didn't seem to be willing to release himself. We thought that perhaps he was hanging on until my brother Brad arrived, which he did Saturday night about 11:30 p.m. Daddy knew him, and even reached up and touched Brad's goatee. About 2:30 we all went to bed. I in the bed with mother, Caren and Mel in the guest room. Brad, Annette and Cathy on air mattresses on the floor.

On Sunday, Daddy seemed a little better. He told Brad to get Annette and when she came into the room he said "you're pretty", then he said "take care of my boy". When each child and grandchild told Daddy they loved him, he was able to say "I love you too". I said "thank you for loving me" and he said "thank you for loving me too.
Danette, Steve and Talon came on Sunday afternoon and spent some time as well. Anne thought it best if we didn't engage Daddy anymore, that it would be easier not to stimulate him and then perhaps he would "go home". In the early evening everyone left except Cathy and I. Daddy continued to sleep but his breathing was labored so hospice gave us permission to up his morphine. We went to bed about 11:00. I put an air matress in the floor in Mother and Daddy's room to be close by. Daddy's breathing was even more labored and he was moaning so we gave him 3 doses of morphine every hour. At 3:15 I gave him so haladol as he was very agitated. At 3:45I called hospice because nothing was working and he was still having alot of difficulty and started shivering and not being able to stay still. They told me to give him another dose of morphine and they would send a nurse. I woke Cathy up, as I just sensed (maybe more so hoped) that his end was near.

It was breaking all of our hearts to see Daddy so uncomfortable and having to fight so hard during his end. I didn't know what else to do, we had prayed over and over again for God to give him comfort and peace, so I just felt like he was under a Satanic attack and I demanded Satan to get out of the room, and called on the name of Jesus. Within about 10 minutes Daddy was more calm and his breathing was less labored and then the hospice nurse arrived. She took his vitals, his blood pressure was 60/40 and his pulse was 110. She told us the end was near. Mother held him even closer than she had been (she had not left his side for the past 48 hours and had laid right next to him most of that time). At 5:35 a.m, Daddy took his last breath, but not before telling my mother he loved her. What a gift.

Mother wanted some time with him, so we gave it to her. I called Steve and he came over. We waited till later to call the other family members. Caren arrived before they removed Daddy's body. Brent and Brad did not want to see him. The hospice nurse asked Mother to leave the room for just a few minutes. She removed Daddy's catheter, cleaned him up, combed his hair, covered him with a blanket, opened the windows for fresh air and sprayed something sweet smelling in the room. When we walked back in Daddy just looked so peaceful. Mother then cleaned him some more, shaved him, and put some pajamas on him. About 9:00 a.m. they came to take Daddy's body. Mother and I went into the 2nd bedroom so we would not see him removed.

Steve noted that it was 9:27 a.m. when he left the house....the date was 9/27....and Hebrews 9:27 says "man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment."

Brent and Brad arrived about 10:30 and 11:30. It was just us children and mother and we sat around and shared memories and consoled one another. It was a beautiful end to a very difficult day. I wish I understood why my dad had to suffer so at the end, it was just so hard to see. I am hoping God will show us the bigger picture someday. Right now....I am just glad he is home and not having to suffer any longer.

I am sure I will be posting more about all of this in the days to come. It just helps to write it all down to process it. Hopefully, future posts will have a more positive spirit to them.

Life Is Hard

There is just no way around it...sometimes life is hard. This has been a hard week. 6 days ago my father had a major stroke and has been left without the ability to talk and the use of his right hand. Depending on the day he cannot stand for any length of time. It has been so hard watching him desperately trying to say what he wants to say but not being able to get it out and then he crys. It is just so heartbreaking watching him and knowing that all he really wants is to go "home". He has wanted to go "home" for almost 4 years now. But when we moved here to Colorado Springs, there was some new light in his eyes and he was even pushing himself to get out of the house more. God gave us that hope and we are left with that memory. But now those sweet memories are being replaced by memories of suffering.

Yes, my dad's suffering is heartbreaking, but he is sleeping a lot and not always aware of what is going on. My heart is also breaking for my mom. She has lost her best friend. Yes, he is still here, but they cannot sit and talk to each other for hours like they used to. They can't laugh at something on the television. They can't go out to eat, or out at all for that matter. My heart broke today as I watched her comfort him and give him a hug as he patted her arm. There are no more kisses between them. I know that every couple goes through this if they live long enough, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Then if all of this wasn't enough, my mother's modem died and her toilet broke. I just wanted to shout "are you kidding me?". I know that none of this is from God, it is all from Satan. His purpose is to get us to doubt God, to think He doesn't care. While I recognize that, it is still hard. I do want to shout "where are you God?" I beg for Him to have mercy and let my father come home. It just seems to be falling on deaf ears. I know His timing is not mine and I am not in control, He is.
But I am really having a hard time understanding why He isn't keeping His promises.

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."-Matthew 21:22
"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:24
"Receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him." 1 John 3:22
"You do not have, because you do not ask God." James 4:2

It is hard not to ask "why"? I have put as the title of this blog "looking for God to keep His Ephesians 3:20 promise". I don't know how He will do exceedingly more here since we have felt His silence for 6 days now, but He is God and I am not and I have no other choice but to trust. Once again God, I plead with you to let my father come into your presence and please have mercy on him and end his suffering.
In Jesus Name.

Crystal Memories

I got word through her sister's post on Facebook today that Crystal Schuknecht passed away today at the young age of 31. Crystal was one of my foster daughters when she was 8 for about 3 years. Before that I had been her social worker. She and her sister Susan lived at Hillview Acres and then lived with me at a small group home. Let me talk about that, before I talk about the girls. There came a point in my time at Hillview Acres that I wanted to provide a more normal environment for a group of girls. Normal meaning they lived in the community and went to school and could have friends over, etc. When I approached the director about my dreams he told me they sounded good, but unfortunately there was no financing for such a plan.
Within a week I received a check in the mail for a settlement on an accident that I had no idea I was going to get. It was a very nice sum and I went back and asked the director if I used my own money to get the house started, could I use Hillview Acres for the licensing process. He agreed. I found a nice two story house and filled it with appropriate furniture, only for it not to pass the fire inspection. I would have to have fire doors on the stairway and since it was a rental the owner would not agree to that. I was devastated. I couldn't understand why God would have provided in such a great way and then closed the door. I remember someone telling me "when God closes a door, he opens a window". Within a few days I was able to find another house and it was better than the house I had. First of all it was one story and on a 1/2 acre of land with a swimming pool. It had an orange tree and an avocado tree in the back yard. My grandmother was sweet and bought the girls a trampoline. It was just the perfect house! One of my early lessons on trusting God to do Ephesians 3:20 things.

Crystal, Susan, Tawnya and Michelena all moved in (8,9,9,10)We had so many happy times together. They were such a joy. Of course we also had moments that were not as joyful, as any family does, but we had lots of laughs and fun. We celebrated holidays in big style. We had a blast decorating for Christmas. We would paint our front room windows like stained glass. We got to travel, to my parents in Idaho and one time all the way to Denver for a family reunion. I remember we would stay at Circus Circus because it was so cheap and fun.

Crystal was the peacemaker among all the girls. She was full of joy and laughter. I can still see her dimples. All the girls embraced going to church and one of memories of Crystal was in a play we put on at church. We sang "Arky, Arky" and I can still see her up on the block with her umbrella yelling "made it out of gopher barky, barky". Her older sister Susan was her protector.

When Steve and I got married, I had to make a hard decision and move from California and leave the girls. Michelena had been adopted before I left. Shortly after I left, Susan and Crystal were returned to live with their parents. Tawnya went into foster care.

About 8 months ago, Crystal and I reconnected on Facebook, as well as Susan. They were no longer little girls, but grown women. I haven't learned alot about what has happened in the 21 years since I saw them last, but did know that a couple of years ago that Crystal was hit by a car as a pedestrian and had gone through a very long rehab period with numerous surgeries. Unfortunately, she had not received much relief from severe back pain and had to find the courage to fight through every day. In the last month, her posts on Facebook made it obvious she was really struggling and friends were encouraging her to keep her fighting spirit. I am thankful I could speak some truth of God's care for her during her final days. On August 20th, I had tried to encourage her with Isaiah 40:1-3.

Please pray for her sister Susan. She and Crystal were so close and Susan will be missing her dearly. I don't know what either of their relationship is with the Lord, but I pray that the seeds that were planted had taken root and that especially now Susan will know God's comfort and have the hope of heavenly reunions.

In The Name of Christianity

There are times that it is just embarrassing to claim you are a Christian, especially when others do something really stupid in the name of Christianity. The latest news out of Gainesville, Florida where the Dove World Outreach Center is calling for a "International Burn the Quran Day" on September 11th, is one of those moments. You can read more about it at:
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hKWWJdTrfALpbYfWB6fM58p6u-pwD9I3ALN81 (you'll have to cut and paste, I couldn't get the link to work)

This is wrong on so many levels. How can a church do something so wrong?? How can they do something so counter to what Jesus would do?? Remember the WWJD campaign?? "What Would Jesus Do". Perhaps we need to start a new "WWJND"(What Would Jesus Not Do") campaign. I am pretty sure burning the Quran would be on the list.

I understand the evil that was done on 9-11 and the evil that continues to be done by extremist Muslims. I also understand the concern we all need to have in regards to the advancement of the Muslim religion. However, retaliation is never a Christ- like response. Even though this is not taking lives, it is being flagrantly disrespectful and will elicit not only anger, but flame the Muslim thinking of Christians being infidels. How would this be any different than burning the Catholic Bible, the Book of Mormon, Kabbalah, etc.? But all this aside, the question still remains "What Would Jesus Do"?

I can think of a few teachings that would indicate why this action is not what Jesus would do.

1. Matthew 5:42-44 "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"

Pray for those who persecute you, not burn their bibles.

2. Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you."

Would we want Muslims to have a mass burning of our Bible?

3. Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God."

Is having a mass burning of another religion's bible a peaceful act??

4. Matthew 5:39 "But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."

These are just a few. I am sure we can all think of many more. I think the problem is when we think it is our job to get vengeance and we forget that it is not our business. "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord." All God calls us to do is "love our neighbor as ourselves." It is not an easy task, but He gives us the strength to do just that. As His Church we are His representative and He says in John 13:35 "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

So we all have 3 days to pray, pray, pray that the Lord will convict the heart of pastor Terry Jones and any others who have made this plan to burn the Qurans and that they instead will step up and ask forgiveness for this thought and really show the world the love of Christ through their actions. Pastor Terry Jones says "We just want to send a strong message to radical Islam" I pray that they will see that by repenting of this act will be an amazing message and that if He does cancel his plans it would bring glory to God and His kingdom will be advanced in ways beyond all they could ask or imagine.

That Time Again

It is just not believable that we have been here in Colorado Springs 4 months already! I don't know where the time has gone! One thing that I have let slip, and I am not proud about, is my Bible study time. I have spent very little time this summer in the Word. I am not really sure why that is, other than I got out of the habit and just did not make it a priority.

But this week I will get back into a woman's Bible study and I am looking forward to once again doing Beth Moore's study, Stepping Up. I really enjoyed it the first time I did it a couple of years ago, and am sure I will even enjoy it more this time. I am also going to do a community Bible study, BSF, this year on the book of Isaiah. Both of these studies will require daily time in the Word and there will be good accountability, so I will get back into my study habits.

I do think there is a direct coorelation between my lack of Bible study and my low spirits of late. I think it is hard to stay centered on God and His purposes for my life without being diligent to spend time with Him in His Word. Satan robs my joy when I am not centered in God's Word. So I am looking forward to reclaiming that joy. And a by product of this is that I will have some things to share here on my blog about what God is teaching me again. I love documenting the lessons learned, so that I can go back and read them, because I tend to forget way too easily. So I am looking forward to the days ahead.

God Does It Again

Those of you that know me very well, know that often times God speaks to me through song. Today was another instance, except that the message didn't just come once, but several times. First when I was dressing this morning I had the T.V. on to the Contemporary Christian station. A song came on that I had not heard before.
"Before The Morning" by Josh Wilson, the words just spoke to my heart.

Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

I loved the line "cause the pain you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming".

So then in worship this morning the sermon was about Moses and how God proved to him in several different ways how He was there for him. Whatever excuse Moses had, God showed him His power and provision. God is "I AM" because He is always enough. But then came the crowning moment in the morning for me. We sang "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

(Chorus)

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

All I could do was cry. It was a Zephaniah 3:17 moment, and I cried because God was singing over me. It was no longer "you will never let go" but "I will never let go". And the promise "and there will be an end to these troubles". I am counting on it!!

BUT.....that is not the end of the story!! Yes, this is a long post, but stay with me. This afternoon I was reading the chapter in Chuck Swindoll's book "The Man of Passion and Destiny: David" that we would be looking at in life group tonight. Steve and I had just got the book this week. After reading tonight's chapter, I decided to read last week's chapter entitled "A Song of Triumph". >In talking about David's life Chuck Swindoll says "David sums up his life in four themes, four expressions that weave their way through this psalm of praise (2 Samuel 22)
1. When times are tough,God is our only security. (22:2-3, 7)
22:20 "He rescued me, because He delighted in me"
2. When our days are dark, God is our only light. (22:29)
Swindoll gives a great example of the process of floundering and then he says 'The same is true of the light we receive from God. At times we flounder along trying to peer too far into the darkness ahead. Yet He gives us just enough light so that we can see to take the next step. That's all He gives, and in reality, that's all we need.'
3. When our walk is weak, God is our only strength. (22:33-36)
4. When our future is foggy or fuzzy, God is our only hope." (22:51)

So thank you God for doing it again. I am sorry You have to hit me in the head with a frying pan for me to get it, but there was no doubt that today you were sending me a message that I will not forget and today I say like David:
"The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God, the Rock, my Savior!"

Happy 34th Spiritual Birthday Steve!

Some of you may know and others not, that Steve and I did not get married until we were 36. The first marriage for both of us. It was so important to me to find a man who loved God and would be the spiritual leader in our home. I had seen first hand what happens when the wife is the spiritual leader and the husband either isn't or isn't even a believer. I prayed that God would send me a partner that would help me in the journey to heaven. As the title of my blog indicates, I live in anticipation of Ephesians 3:20 moments in my life. Marrying Steve is one of God's Ephesians 3:20 works in my life. He blessed me with a husband beyond all that I could ask or imagine! You see, I am not the easiest wife to live with. I hate to confess, but must, I have a sharp tongue and often speak without thinking but over, and over and over again Steve forgives me. Unconditionally forgives me. I am so thankful for that! He would not be able to do that if he had not been transformed into the image of my Savior. He loves Him so, and is a dedicated student of His Word. For the 21 years we have been married he has read the Bible cover to cover (don't know how many years he was doing it before that). In fact he is somewhat bummed because of all the chaos of a big move and getting settled in a new place he is behind his usual pace. But Steve doesn't just read to make a check mark that it is done. He applies the word to his heart and therefore is one of the godliest men I know. He would hate that I am even writing this because of his humility. So just let me say, I am so very thankful for this day in His life when He gave his heart to His Lord, because without it, I would not have the loving, faithful, committed husband that I have. There is no greater joy than having the confidence that your husband is going to lead you straight to the heart of Jesus and that the two of you will share eternity together. For that I am eternally grateful for my Ephesians 3:20God!!

Happy Birthday Mama!

My mother's birthday is Wednesday, but with my sister living in Denver we celebrated a few days early, because Caren is off on Fridays. We surprised mother by taking her to the Miramont Castle in Manitou Springs. It was built in 1895 and in 1976 was restored. They have a really cute tea room where they serve 2:00 p.m. High Tea.
We had a delicious 5 course fare, beginning with Vitality Tea, and then baked homemade scones with Devonshire cream, preserves, and infused butters. Then an assortment of fresh vegetables,a fruit flute, Victorian sandwiches with four homemade spreads, and, of course, a variety of delicious desserts. It was a delicious lunch!


It had been a long time since I had been to a tea room. It is just such a fun girly thing to do. They gave us hats to wear to make it a more authentic experience.


Then the weekend ended with sweet friends from Texas coming to visit. It was such a beautiful day that we had lunch out on the patio. Great weather, good food and sweet friends, doesn't get any better than that.

Celebrating 21 Years!

Today is Steve and mine's 21st anniversary! Where in the world has the time gone? It seems like such a short time ago we were saying our vows. In honor of this day I will give you 21 reasons that I love this man! God knew how much I would need unconditional love and blessed me with the best husband in the world.

1. He loves me unconditionally
2. He graciously showers forgiveness on me
3. He loves my God
4. He loves God's Word
5. He looks like my Jesus
6. He takes care of my parents
7. He always looks out for my needs
8. He let us move to Colorado
9. He let me get the house I wanted
10. He provides safety and security
11. He is a fun competitor in Wheel of Fortune
12. He is punny
13. He likes to snuggle
14. He does our laundry
15. He is a loyal friend
16. He has a great laugh
17. He is a loyal friend
18. He has sweet kisses
19. His love is faithful
20. He is the very best caretaker
21. Because he will thank me for these 21 reasons, just like he thanks me for everything I do for him.

I love you Steve and I am so very thankful that the Lord blessed me with such an amazing husband. I am so very thankful that I have no doubt whatsoever that we will spend eternity together with the God that we love.

Faith of a Child

Last Sunday, Jim Mackenzie, at Eastside church of Christ, told the story of this seven year old young boy who wrote a psalm. I was so touched, because I am pretty sure at 57, I could not come close to writing such. Makes you wonder where a child that young gets this kind of spiritual depth?

"This is a prayer from a seven year old boy named William Fariss living in West Africa. He had just watched his home burn to the ground and his mother overheard him praying."

William's Psalm

Through the wind and rain
Through fire and lava
The Lord will never leave you.
Through earthquakes and floods
Through changing sea levels and burning ash
The Lord will never leave you.
If you love Him, He will bless you
and He will give you many things.

Who can stop the Lord?
Who can chase a cheetah across the plains of Africa?
The Lord, He can.
Who can stand on Mount Everest?
Who can face a rhinoceros?
The Lord.
The Lord can give you sheep and goats and
cows and ducks and chickens and dogs and cats.
The Lord can give you anything He wants to.

Who can stop the Lord?
Who can face an elephant?
Who is brave enough to face a lion?
The Lord.
Who's as fast as a horse?
Who can catch a blue whale?
Who is brave enough to face a giant squid?
The Lord.
Just as Jesus died on the cross,
so the Lord has done so.
The Lord will never leave His people.
The Bible is His word.
The Lord is a good leader.

The Lord who loves you.
And He will not forsake His people.
The end.

The Blessing of Friends

Is there anything better than a great friend? I have been blessed with many throughout the years. I don't want to try to list them for fear of leaving someone out, but I just wanted to say my favorite thing about great friendships is that it doesn't matter how long you have to be apart, when you get back together, it just feels like you have never been apart....you just take up where you left off. We met two of our friends Karla and Randy Gerdes today halfway between Colorado Springs and Breckenridge....which was a little town called Marcel, population...less than 500, but it did have the Hob Cafe and Saloon. On the internet they advertised great buffalo burgers. Well today they were out of buffalo, then later we wanted to order a shake and they were out of milk??? They had sent someone into Denver to get some??? Nevertheless, we had 3 hours of great conversation. What Randy and Karla bring to our relationship that is also priceless in a friendship is prayer coverage. We did not part today without having a time of prayer together in the car. It is the best gift any friend can give you is to have your back in prayer. We had that today, but I have also had it with many other friends and it is what I most treasure!! I am thankful for all the friends that God has placed in my path, knowing not one of them was an accident, but I am especially thankful for the friends that make me want to be a better person because of who I see in them and that would be my Lord. I can only pray that God will use me in the same way and I will allow Him to be seen in me.

Birthday Presents

My mom, my sister, and my aunt (I call Nanny) gave me an Australian pine for my back yard. I can't wait to watch it grow up. Thanks to Steve for doing all the planting and watering.

Steve got me new dishes for my birthday. I wanted something more neutral that I can dress up or down with napkins, placemats and/or tablecloths. I look forward to entertaining with my new dishes. First up will be breakfast for my Nanny and my mom's brother, Uncle George, who will be coming to breakfast on Thursday.

57 And Counting

Today was my 57th birthday. How can that be? I am three years away from being 60!! Just doesn't seem possible. I was blessed that this celebration was several days long :-) My previous post tells how my friends from Texas came to surprise me for my birthday. We had a fun three days together. Friday we took the Cog train up to Pikes Peak and Saturday we had a picnic at Garden of the Gods. Then yesterday Steve took me out to breakfast and we went to see Inception (a really good movie). Usually when others rave about a movie I am disappointed, but not this time. Inception was just as good as everyone said it was. Then last night my parents took me out to eat to Edelweiss for German food. It was very good! I had a combination platter so I could have a little of snitzel, saurbraten and chicken cordon bleu(which I have to admit I didn't know was German). To top it off they gave me a complimentary piece of chocolate birthday cake that was ever bit as my favorite at the Cheesecake Factory. Looking forward to a great year to follow this great day!

Sweet Friends

So today Steve told me we were going to Wendy's for lunch on our a way to a movie. I thought it was a little strange, just because Wendy's isn't one of our usual eateries. Before we moved to Colorado I would eat at Wendy's every Wednesday night after Bible Class with a group of friends called the "Supper Club". We had not eaten at Wendy's since moving to Colorado Springs. Steve had been a little cryptic about the plans and had indicated we would be doing something tomorrow and Saturday as well. It wasn't until we were walking into Wendy's I had this suspicion "I wonder if someone is here?" But in my wildest dreams I did not think it would be four sweet friends!!! Half of the supper club: Deb, Piper, Linda and Tresia! They had driven all the way from Richardson (left Amarillo this morning) to come surprise me for my birthday which is Monday. I was so touched!! They took me to dinner tonight at the Flying W Ranch (a chuckwagon dinner and Western show) It was so much fun! Tomorrow we are taking a ride on the Pikes Peak Cog Train and going to the Garden of the Gods. Hopefully I can post some more pictures then.

Why Have We Forgotten?

It is amazing to me how much we have forgotten what the founders of this country believed and their hopes and dreams for the future of America. Just read a few of these quotes and you will have to agree we have strayed afar from what they had hoped for.

'An appeal to arms and the God of hosts is all that is left us. But we shall not fight our battle alone. There is a just God that presides over the destinies of nations. The battle sir, is not of the strong alone. Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it almighty God. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death.' -Patrick Henry

'It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religion, but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For that reason alone, people of other faiths have been afforded freedom of worship here.'-Patrick Henry

'I am a Christian, that is to say a disciple of the doctrines of Jesus. I have little doubt that our whole country will soon be rallied to the unity of our Creator and, I hope, to the pure doctrine of Jesus, also.'-Thomas Jefferson

'It is impossible to govern the world without God and the Bible. Of all the dispositions and habits that lead to political prosperity, our religion and morality are the indispensable supporters. Let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that our national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.'-George Washington

'We have no government armed with the power capable of contending with human passions, unbridled by morality and true religion. Our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.'-John Adams

'The highest glory of the American Revolution was this: it connected in one indissoluble bond the principles of civil government with the principles of Christianity.'-John Quincy Adams

'The foundations of our society and our government rest so much on the teachings of the Bible that it would be difficult to support them if faith in these teachings would cease to be practically universal in our country.' -Calvin Coolidge

In 1782, the United States Congress voted this resolution: 'The congress of the United States recommends and approves the Holy Bible for use in all schools.'

So we ask "what happened?". It all began in 1947 when the Supreme Court banned this prayer from their assembly 'Almighty God, we acknowledge our dependence on Thee. We beg Thy blessings upon us and our parents and our teachers and our country. Amen.'

Now that Elena Kagan has been approved as the new Supreme Court justice we will all need to be more fervant in prayer than ever before, because it is only going to be worse for those of us who bear the name Christian.

Health Insurance

One of the things I didn't really consider in a move was changing doctors. Since we really don't know people in Colorado Springs, there aren't many recommendations so we just have to look at the yellow pages and pick doctors who are convenient to the house. That in itself is a task, but add onto that mix all the health insurance hubaloo and it is a nightmare.

It has been the biggest blessing that my car accident and subsequent injuries were covered by workman's compensation. Steve and I would probably be homeless by now with all the couple of million my medical care has been. Before considering leaving Texas, I asked my adjuster if there would be any problems with getting workman's comp when I moved and the reply was "no problem you will just need to find a doctor who accepts workman's comp". She should have said "you might want to call and see what they say before you make the move". Because guess what?? There is not a single orthopedist in Colorado Springs that will accept out of state workman's compensation!! I have called them all!!! So then I called back and said "can I talk to someone who might have the power to make an exception". I found one doctor who said if I get my records sent and they get it in writing the insurance company will pay Colorado rates that he will consider it. So I am waiting for an answer.

The crazy thing is I am caught between a rock and a hard place, because if I can't find a doctor, they are telling me I will just have to go back to Texas! Are you kidding me?? I can't go to the doctor and just put it on my regular health insurance because it was a workman's comp accident. Now just a few months ago I became eligible for disability and little did I know that meant I would qualify for Medicare, until I got the card in the mail. Since our health insurance premium for me is $650 a month, we thought that would be a blessing. Well guess what?? Neither will Medicare cover anything to do with my leg because it is a workman's comp injury. So I called and asked what if I just close my workman's comp case? I was told it was illegal????? They are legally responsible for paying for my leg the rest of my life. Well that does a lot of good if I can't find a doctor to accept the insurance.

I have spent hours on the phone the past two weeks dealing with all of this and it is just so frustrating. Then on top of that who knew being put on Medicare would not be a blessing??? Doctor's are all running "gun shy" of accepting it because the government is threatening to reduce the amounts they get reimbursed. Naive me had no idea a doctor had the freedom to chose whether they accepted Medicare or not? Perhaps if you didn't have supplemental insurance this would make sense to me, because they may or may not get paid when Medicare doesn't pay the total bill. But when you have supplemental insurance it pays what Medicare doesn't so what is the risk to the doctor??

So I had to get a Colorado doctor to sign my paperwork to get a handicap license plate. It just seemed easiest to go under my present insurance which we haven't canceled yet. Little did I know that since I was eligible for Medicare in June, I couldn't go to the doctor in June and have it charged to United Health Care, even though we haven't canceled it yet because we haven't received final confirmation that we have been accepted by the supplemental company. It has been another few hours of calls to get all straight, but the kicker??? They charged $235.00 for a visit for a doctor to fill out a form??? Yes they did take my blood pressure, but a ten minute interview is $235.00!!!!!!! Crazy! There obviously needs to be something done. But unfortunately I have seen nothing that indicates Obama's plan is going to make it better. And if I had any doubt before what is this bill that the Congress is putting in place that will make them except from the plan we are all forced to accept??

No....unfortunately, I am afraid there are still more frustrating times ahead. It definitely is an exercise in patience.

Presbyterian Church Vote

Yesterday the Presbyterian Church U.S.A. voted to allow non celibate homosexuals to be clergy? I just find this to be so wrong on so many levels. It won by a 53% majority. Their next step today is to decide whether they will change their definition of marriage from "a man and a woman" to between "two people."

Wow that is even scary. That means that and adult and a child could marry and it would be between "two people" and why just two, why not three or four people, or why not brother-sister, father-daughter, aunt-nephew, etc? Of course right now most states don't allow any of those scenarios to happen. And while at the moment most states don't allow homosexuals to marry, it is coming and is a major agenda item for the Obama administration.

We can't be surprised when the world acts like the world, but when the church acts like the world???? Why would Presbyterians think that homosexuals could be clergy?
Would they let an adulterer, or fornicator, or child molester be clergy?? Why would they not just say celibate homosexuals can be clergy?? The article I read also said the Evangelical Luthern, the U.S. Episcopal church and the United Church of Christ have also made the ruling to let non celibate homosexuals be clergy as long as they are in committed relationships.

The whole homosexual propaganda is just so wrong. They want us to just accept that it is an alternative lifestyle. But all the things I listed above could also be a lifestyle. One difference is a child molester is harming another individual. Unless you are talking about a minor who actually consents and then it would also fall into the "lifestyle" category. No one condones any of those acts and yet more and more we are just letting the homosexuals push their lifestyle into being accepted as normal. And why am I labeled a "homophobe" if I speak out against homosexuality? What do you call me for speaking out against adultery?

I know the homosexuals sin is no worse than my own sin and they are entitled to the same free gift of grace that I am. But just like I can't keep sinning so that grace abounds (Romans 6:1) the homosexual must take a vow of chastity in order to not be sinning.
I am not sure what the answer is besides praying? And just speaking truth whenever we can. Once again while I have my opinions I know I am not the final judge.

I have had way too many serious posts as of late. I will have to post something much more uplifting soon!!!

Church Looking Followup

So tonight I got two calls from people from two different churches. Here is how the conversations went:

First:
Caller: "Is this Lynn Leaming?"
Me: It is
Caller: "This is (she may have said her name, I missed it)from.......church. I wanted to thank you for your visit on Sunday."
Me: Thank you
Caller:"I was just going to send you a card but I couldn't tell for sure what your address was, so I thought I would just call and ask"
Me: gave her my address
Caller:"Well I hope we will see you again sometime"
Me: Thanks for calling

Second Call:
Caller: "Hi Lynn, this is................, I was calling to see if you and Steve had a good
4th."
Me: I told him all about Steve's sinus problems, and the hail, etc. How about you?
Caller:"We had rain and hail as well but stuck it out at the Air Academy and it was a good show" I wanted to let you know that our small group will be meeting right after services on Sunday. We will be in the conference room that is right off the auditorium.
Me: "I don't think we will be at.......this Sunday as we are going to go to......for our second time, but thanks so much for letting us know."
Caller: "Our philosophy at.......is that we want each person to find the place where they can serve God the most and while we would like that to be.......we want you to do what you feel God is calling you to do."
Me: I appreciate that, it has been an interesting journey so far, other than (his church) we haven't found anyone to be very friendly and you have called us twice so we really appreciate it. To be honest..........is more my worship style, but we have just not felt a strong leading yet.
Caller: "you do know about our Newcomer's class right?"
Me: No, not really, does it happen once a quarter or something?
Caller: "no, it is a two week class, but it happens every week and just repeats" and then he went on to tell me all that is covered in the class.
Me: I will be sure and tell Steve and we will go the next time we visit, you don't have to be a member to attend do you?
Caller: "no, it is designed exactly for people like you. How are your parents?
Me: I tell him how they are and a little bit more history about them.
Caller: "I hope that we will see you again soon"
Me: We will definitely be back.

Now I ask you which church would you revisit??

Church Looking

Wow! I had no idea how hard it would be looking for a new church home. We have visited six different churches and on our second round with three down. I would consider me an outgoing person, but so far every church we have been to has been an uncomfortable experience. I keep looking people in the eyes hoping they will introduce themselves to me. Very few have and those that have have mostly been in their 70's or older. Yesterday, three men spoke to me (Steve was home sick) and not one woman??? There was a man talking to me and telling me he knew someone who moved to Texas and thought it was a town near Dallas but couldn't remember the name, to which the woman in front of us turned and said "Lone Tree" and yet not once after that man left did she turn around and introduce herself??? Are you kidding me??? What is that about???

We thought at first it was because we were just showing up for worship and not Bible class. The past two weeks we have also gone to Bible class, which for both churches was an all age class in the auditorium. So there we are after class sitting in the seat for 10-15 minutes waiting for worship to start and still no one speaks?? Yesterday 2 men shook my hand and walked by.

BUT the bigger deal for me is that EVERY time we have visited we have filled out "visitor cards" and marked that we are looking for a church home and we have received one call?? No visits, no calls to do lunch or dinner, basically no interest whether we would be valuable members or not??? It has been so interesting being on the outside looking in. Hopefully God is teaching us very valuable lessons and I won't forget how this feels and determine that I will make sure other's don't feel this in the future.

Perhaps part of it is because we have promoted the belief that visitors want to be anonymous and perhaps for the majority of people that is true. Maybe we should have stickers for visitors to wear that tell us whether they want to be approached or not?
When we used to visit Highland Oaks there was a lady who wore flashing jewelry. Perhaps I need a flashing sign that says "yes I want you to talk to me".

I know that God knows where He wants us and where He will use us and perhaps we just haven't found that place yet. Steve and I have been praying about it and we just have not felt any strong leading one way or the other. So we don't know what that means and are asking ourselves does that mean we are suppose to look outside the church of Christ? And if so where? It causes you to start evaluating what things are important to you in a church.

Obviously from what I have already said friendliness is important to me, but there are really some Biblical teachings that I just can't compromise on. The most important is that the church believes that baptism by immersion is a necessary teaching and that it is baptism for the remission of sins. It is interesting how many websites I have read where they state that baptism is an outward sign of an inner acceptance of Christ. Several go on to say it is not baptism that saves us. What do they do with I Peter 3:21 "and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also—not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a good conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ."? Yes, it is true that it is Jesus that saves not baptism, but you cannot become one with Jesus without baptism.

Communion is also important to me. When I have visited churches who don't observe it weekly, I have missed it. It is not something I do by rote, it is part of my worship celebration. I don't think it would be the same if I only took it once a month and I know I could not only do it quarterly.

I don't think God would have spent time in multiple places in His Word talking about elders and deacons if they were not an important part of a church. Then there is instrumental music. I personally don't think it is a salvation issue, but neither do I enjoy "rocking out" in worship. When the music is louder than the words of worshipers, it is no longer worshipful for me. Guess the final thing for me is that women are not in prominent roles. There maybe some special circumstance for a woman to lead prayer, sing a solo, give a testimony, read a scripture, but I personally don't think that women should be more in leadership than the men. I feel that God gave that role to men and we should be supportive.

So the look continues. Hopefully, once God has confirmed the decision for us I will be able to blog again and it will have turned out to be a much better journey than it has been so far. I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for us. I look at where He has brought me from and there has never been a church that wasn't family, so I know He will do it again.

Prayer

Today I was still unpacking things in the garage and the only station I could get to come through was country western. I don't listen to much country. I heard this song by Jason The Long Road To Love, that I assume is suppose to be funny, but I found it really sad. I thought the first verse was so sweet and said "ahh" and then came the rest. Guess I was surprised that it would be such a mockery of church and prayer. Don't know where I have been but this song made it to the top 20 in 2009?? Guess it makes me glad I don't listen to secular music much and VERY thankful that this is not the kind of prayer warriors I have praying for me.

"I haven't been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were goin’ great ‘til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know where ever you are honey, I pray for you

I’m really glad I found my way to church
‘Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah I’m goin’to take the high road
And do what the preacher told me to do
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
You keep messin’ up and I’ll keep prayin’ for you

I pray your tire blows out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos
I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you."

Church Excellence

I have been spending a lot of time looking at church websites. We have visited all of the churches of Christ in Colorado Springs and I was interested if there are any nondenominational churches we could visit that still would fit into our belief system. The most important being that they practice baptism. Yesterday I came across this statement on one churches website ""We value punctuality at Christ Church, contributing to a spirit of excellence. As such, all services and events start on time." I thought it was interesting that this would be on their homepage. I heard a speaker at a workshop years ago say that a church will only be as good as the bar that is set. This church obviously lets people know one bar anyway. Is it the most important one? Probably not, but nevertheless at least they recognize being purposeful as a sign of excellence.

I posted this on my FB page and here are some of the comments people made?
"That church is, obviously, NOT in New Mexico!"
"Have they ever been to church? No one is on time!"
"LOL, I'm sure they have the same number of late folks as everyone else"
"um...makes you wonder, do they tell everyone that events start an hour earlier than they actually do to ensure punctuality?"

Isn't it interesting that we just accept the standard of lateness when it comes to church? How many people have that attitude towards work or school? How many people show up late for a wedding? What about a sporting event or concert? If we were told we were going to have the opportunity to meet an important dignitary would we be late? And yet, week after week people think nothing of being late for worship. Would you say that is putting our best foot forward for the Lord?

I know as a Bible class teacher this used to be so frustrating. Starting your lesson and then having to catch several children up as they came in late so that they would understand what was going on. We would start out each year explaining that importance of punctuality to parents and it would start out better but get worse and worse as the year progressed. You really couldn't fault the children, they didn't have a driver's license.

In looking for churches you also find that there are several that they have labeled "anti churches": anti Bible class, anti children's homes, anti multi cup, etc. Well today the church we visited wasn't an anti church but we noticed on Sunday mornings they have about 200 in worship.....last Wednesday night?? 47. To which Steve said "they may not be anti Bible class in theology but they are in practice."

Yes, it is easy for me to be critical, the harder thing is for me to personally strive for excellence in my own life. "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8. I can't control what anyone else does, all I can do is strive for excellence in my own life. Believe me there are lots of areas I need to improve on, and yes, even being better at time management so that I am not late to Bible class or worship.