On Wednesday Nights I teach a 5th and 6th grade girls class at church that we call God's Girls. We try to use this time to help these girls in their committment so that they can withstand the temptations in middleschool or junior high. I usually struggle with the balance of making this class fun, but trying to instill deep spiritual truths into their hearts. There are so many things I wish I would have known when I was their age. Yet, the reality is it has taken me many years to get to where I am, so how are they suppose to get it at such a young age? For a few weeks I have been reading them some stories of Christian Martyrs from Jesus Freaks as we have been talking about counting the cost of being a disciple of Christ. Tonight a light bulb went on in one of their heads and she said "you mean these are true stories?". Guess they had just thought they were fictional stories. Anyway...tonight's lesson centered around one of my least favorite verses in the Bible Revelation 3:15-16 "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth." The thought of me making Jesus sick because I am not pleasing Him is really hard to take. Yet, I am thankful that because of His sacrifice on the cross, His grace covers me and I am not judged by my works. Kind of hard to understand, but the point I wanted to make to the girls tonight is that Jesus would rather us not enter the game at all, than to enter the game and sit on the sidelines. We must count the cost and be willing to do our best to please Him. We are His representatives and He lives through us. Like I said, this is hard enough for me to comprehend, how do I explain it to these sweet girls? Fortunately, all I have to do is plant the seed and let the Holy Spirit take over in intrepreting it to them. One of the great blessings of teaching!!

Let me start by stating from my post yesterday, that just because I hadn't changed my sheets in 2 years, didn't mean that my sheets had not been changed in two years! Thanks for that laugh Becky!! Steve and my mom have been wonderful at keeping all the house things up for me all these many months. But my mom cannot do as much now that my dad is so ill, and I am getting stronger so can do some things for myself. Anyway, guess I should have explained that better.
About six months after my accident I typed Illizarov (the name of my frame) in Google and discovered that there is actually a web group for people wearing them. Since then I have been apart of those emails. They come from all over the world, from various ages. Some people have been wearing theirs for years, some for months and some are looking toward getting one in the future. Well, today, two guys have given up and are going to have their legs amputated. One has only had his on for 3 months?? The other has been struggling with his for four years!
It was interesting that their posts were the same but so different. Same in that they both were getting their right leg amputated from the knee down. Different in that the first guy was giving up in my opinion way too soon. The second guy I felt so very sad for because I know what he has gone through in the past 4 years hoping to keep his leg, and now to have to give it up after all this time. I remember when my doctor and I talked about amputation. It is not an easy discussion or decision. We decided we would do whatever it takes to keep my leg, so here we are 6 weeks away from the two year mark. Do I sometimes wonder if we made the right decision? No, as long as there is hope I can have a leg, I will take it. I can't imagine what it would be like to take part of your leg off and put it back on every day? A constant reminder of what was. I know it is a blessing for those who have no other choice. But right now I am thankful that I do have a choice. Today there was also a post from a guy in England who has been going through his leg journey for several years and this week they discovered a malignant tumor on his spine. They are pretty sure it is a secondary source of cancer and they still have to find the primary source. My heart hurts for him, so if you have the time say an extra prayer for Dave tonight.

I did something today that I have not done in close to 2 years. I removed the sheets from my bed, washed them and put them back on our bed. Yes, it took me 30 minutes to put the sheets back on the bed, and had to sit down twice and rest, but I did it!! Who would have thought I would feel such a sense of accomplishment with something that used to be so routine. I hope I have learned there is joy in just being able to do, and I won't ever complain about housework again, just rejoice in the ability to do it.

Okay, I have to admit I am sitting here watching the Academy Award Red Carpet. What is it that fascinates us all about the whole Hollywood scene? I know I am not the only one because there was a recent blog post and replies about keeping up by reading People or Us. I use to be able to say that I had seen all the Oscar Nominated movies, but not anymore. I am ashamed to say that the other day I rented on cable "Little Miss Sunshine" because it was nominated and some others had said it was so good. I should have turned it off, but kept saying "It has to get better", then when the grandfather died I thought "yeah, maybe now the f**** word will disappear", but I was wrong, it continued. I don't understand why that particular word has to be in the movies so much. In real life I don't know that I have ever heard that word said in my circle of influence (thank goodness). But nevertheless, why was this movie nominated as the best movie? What makes dysfunctional families notable? Anyway...the only other movie I saw on the Oscar list was "The Devil Wears Prada", Deb Tietjen and I agreed if you saw the trailers you saw the best part of this movie. I have to admit that I really enjoy the escape of movies, but struggle anymore to watch movies that will not violate Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." I wish I could say I was able to always let the scriptures prevail, but already admitted in the first of this blog that it isn't true. I am afraid I do way too much justifying. So how do you make those decisions?

I finished "How To Handle Adversity" today. Charles Stanley makes several good observations, but His basic conclusion is one I had already come to on this adventure. The bottom line is you chose to believe or not believe that God is who He says He is and He will or will not be faithful to all that He has promised. I do appreciate this thought "Our biggest weakness is God's biggest opportunity. God has allowed adversity in your life to loosen your dependence on your own strength. It is His desire that you depend on Him for those things you lack. He wants people through whom He can show off His mighty power. God is looking for men and women who are willing to take on challenges to difficult for them to handle, trusting Him to carry the load. He wants believers who become accustomed to weakness, but who draw daily upon the suffiency and power of Christ." May Satan not rob us of this experience by us being ashamed when we are weak, because like Paul said, it is only when we are weak that the Lord can be strong. It comes down to where do we have our eyes? On ourselves or on our almighty God.
Thank you to all of you who help me to keep my eyes on my God and remind me that there is actually power in going through adversity.

Tonight Steve and I went to visit Don Scott in the hospital. For those of you who may not know him, he is one of sweetest men on the entire earth! There has been a line of women for years that have said if our husbands died we would marry Don. Carolyn McBryde leads the pack. Of course Don is probably in his late 80's :) Anyway...what a blessing it was to spend time with him. It just reminded me of needing to be deliberate in spending time with those who are older than us because they have a perspective on life that we do not have yet. Time with them blesses me. There is a hymn that I have always liked that has the words "May all who come behind us find us faithful." It is faithful servants like Don that help me keep my eyes focused above and ahead. Don has such peace in his relationship with the Lord. I pray that he will be able to come home tomorrow like he plans. I can only pray that I will grow old as gracefully and faithfully as Don and other senior saints.

Today's post is for women only. Today I went and had a long overdue mammogram. I had been needing one since before my accident and then since then had just not wanted to mess with it. Then a few weeks ago I felt a lump, so could not procrastinate any longer. Fortunately, everything checked out okay. The doctor said the lump is something that happens from trauma and it is oil based. I could get it drained if I wanted, but as long as it wasn't bothering me I can just leave it alone. But what I most want to share is if any of you don't already have a place to go for your mammograms, I went to a new place today and it was wonderful!!! The Elizabeth Jekot, M.D. Breast Imaging Center it is on Renner near Shiloh. Dr. Jekot is a breast survivor herself. The staff is all women and she has great equipment. It didn't hurt one bit!! Since I had to had a sonogram as well, I laid on this table and the ceiling had twinkling lights like stars. It was so very peaceful. I appreciated that they gave you the results right on the spot. If you want more information about them you can go to www.jekotbreastimagingcenter.com. I will definitely be going back for my next one.

I don't remember if I shared that a dear friend in Houston sent me Charles Stanley's "How To Handle Adversity" back in January. I took it today to my doctor's appointment to continue reading. Dr. Stanley states that if we are experiencing adversity it is either because we need to grow spiritually, God is using us to help someone else know Him better, or He is diciplining us. I am trying to discern which one of these is true for my life right now? One problem I have with the disciplining thought, is that when a parent disciplines a child the child usually knows what they are being disciplined for. How does God let us know what we are being disciplined for? I would rather think He is maturing me than disciplining me. Then Steve read me something he read today in a book called "God On Mute", the author states that 5% of the Holocaust survivors who were atheist turned to God during the Holocaust, that equates to about 177,000 people! I find that amazing, that the very people that were living where they seemed no hope, actually found God! I don't think it was a coincidence, that I was struggling with the conclusions that Dr. Stanley has come to on adversity and then Steve comes in and reads me this amazing story. So my prayer is that as each day passes that I can believe more and more in James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." If I step out of my current circumstances, I know that I have given thanks for other adversity I have been through because I saw the positive outcomes it brought. I just need to be patient that this current time of adversity will produce good things as well and give God the time to reveal them to me.

I came across this verse today in Psalms 91:14-15 ""If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God, "I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I'll rescue you, then throw you a party." It is verses like these that cause me to question what is going on in my life. If this is what God is promising, why am I not experiencing it? So then I start self blaming and self doubting my own faith and trust. It must not be enough or I would be experiencing the party He wants to throw me! So I become confessional and just hope that I will hold on to the promise in verses like this one and continue to grow in my faith and hold on for dear life!

Wow! I guess returning to work just wiped me out. Seems like all I have been able to do is sleep! Friday night I went to bed about 10:30 p.m. and woke up at 2:30 p.m. on Saturday!! Only to go back to sleep at 8:30 Saturday night and sleep till 7:00 a.m. Sunday morning. Just went through the motions of teaching the 3 year olds during Bible class and doing Children's Worship for 3-5 years olds. Asked Steve if we could just bring Taco Bell home for lunch, was back in bed by 1:30 and slept till 4:00!! You would think that I would just be bright and bushy tailed? But I feel like I am relapsing. Promised my mom I would make another call to the doctor tomorrow. Maybe I will wake up feeling better and not have to keep that promise. I am just so tired of doctors. Hopefully as the week progresses I will have something better to post.

Happy Valentine's Everyone! As you celebrate the day with those that you love, don't forget Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Isn't that a great thing to know?

My mom sent me this story today "A young, new teacher was walking with an older, more seasoned teacher in the garden one day. Feeling a bit insecure about what God had for him to do, he was asking the older teacher for some advice. The older teacher walked up to a rose bush and handed the young teacher a rosebud and told him to open it without tearing off any petals. The young teacher looked in disbelief at the older teacher and was trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to know the will of God for his life and ministry. But because of his great respect for the older teacher, he proceeded to try to unfold the rose, while keeping every petal intact...It wasn't long before he realized how impossible this was to do. Noticing the younger teacher's inability to unfold the rosebud without tearing it, the older teacher began to recite the following poem...It is only a tiny rosebud, A flower of God's design; But I cannot unfold the petals With these clumsy hands of mine. The secret of unfolding flowers Is not known to such as I. GOD opens this flower so sweetly, Then in my hands they die. If I cannot unfold a rosebud, This flower of God's design, Then how can I have the wisdom To unfold this life of mine? So I'll trust in Him for leading Each moment of my day. I will look to Him for His guidance Each step of the pilgrim way. The pathway that lies before me Only my Heavenly Father knows. I'll trust Him to unfold the moments, Just as He unfolds the rose." We all come to the place where we have to draw the line in the sand and decide do we trust or do we not? I am thankful that my mom and I can continue to affirm to one another that we choose to trust. Psalm 31:4 "But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God."

Today I have spent time researching hospice, cremation, wills, etc. It is way too much to wrap one's mind around. My dad has decided to no longer continue on dialysis (he has been on it since November). He is so at peace with his decision, as he just did not want to continue life by speding 3 days a week, 5 hours a day, hooked up to the machine. We are at peace with his decision. Today he said he is a winner now, each day he lives from now on is a gift and if he dies, he will be at home with the God he has loved and served faithfully. The hard part is for those of us that get left behind, especially my mom. They have had such a wonderful parntership, friendship, marriage and love affair. I can't even begin to imagine what is running through her mind. We are hoping to get a call from the VA, asap, that hospice is being arranged so that she can have that assistance since he is chosing to die at home. So once again I petition all those prayer warriors to please be lifting up this next journey we are about to take in your prayers. My specific prayer is that my dad can pass in peace without suffering, and that my mom will feel God's promised presence as her personal comforter.
I came across this story today by Henry Nouwen and thought it was a word from God to my dad, mom, me and the rest of our family today.
One day, I was sitting with Rodleigh, the leader of the troupe, in his caravan, talking about flying. He said, "As a flyer, I must have complete trust in my catcher, The public might think that I am the greatest star of the trapeze, but the real star is Joe, my catcher. He has to be there for me with split-second precision and grab me out of the air as I come to him in the long jump.""How does it work?" I asked."The secret," Rodleigh said, "is that the flyer does nothing and the catcher does everything: when I fly to Joe, I have simply to stretch out my arms and hands and wait for him to catch me and pull me safely over the apron behind the catchbar.""You do nothing!" I said, surprised."Nothing," Rodleigh repeated. "A flyer must fly, and a catcher must catch, and the flyer must trust, with outstretched arms, that his catcher will be there for him."When Rodleigh said this with so much conviction, the words of Jesus flashed through my mind: "Father into your hands I commend my Spirit." Dying is trusting in the catcher. To care for the dying is to say, "Don't be afraid. Remember that you are the beloved child of God. He will be there when you make your long jump. Don't try to grab him; he will grab you. Just stretch out your arms and hands and trust, trust, trust."

It is so hard to believe that a week ago to today I was in ER and being admitted to the hospital for this asthmatic bronchitis!! How in the world does time go by so fast when all you are doing is laying in bed??? I did get a little reading done today, but then fell asleep in the middle of one of the pages. I know I have posted about what a wonderful husband Steve is, but I have to give another example from tonight. Steve had to work late and had put in over 10 hours at work and asked what I wanted for dinner. A burger from Burger King sounded good with a vanilla shake. When he got home he realized that they had forgotten the vanilla shake. I told him no problem. He left the bedroom and I assumed was in the kitchen eating. I yelled out the answer to the Wheel of Fortune puzzle (as we play against each other each night) and knew he did not answer, right then I thought "I bet he went to get me a shake". Sure enough in about 15 minutes he returned with a shake, a Burger King shake. Now you have to understand that is no Burger King close to our house, but on his way home from work. I said,
"Did you go all the way back down there?", "No", he said, "I went to the one over off Campbell and I-75". Bless his little heart. Don't know why if he was going to make the extra trip he didn't make it easy on himself and just go across the street to Arby's or Sonic? But that is Steve always trying to please me. I try to be gracious and thankful for this type of loving gesture, but just hate that he seems to make things so hard on himself. I have told him a couple of times that we are like that O'Henry story where the husband sells his watch to buy his wife combs for her long hair, and she cuts her long hair to buy him a chain for his watch.
Anyway...I am thankful for such a selfless husband. Oh, did I mention the shake was chocolate and not vanilla? Didn't have the heart to ask him what he ordered, just took it and enjoyed every sip of his love in it!!

Well, today I am praising God for Nyquil!!!! I actually got 11 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night after taking a dose. I had asked Steve to stop and get some on his way home from work, because nothing else was working and in times past Nyquil had done the trick. I was thankful for the night's rest!!
One of the the things I like about blogging is the collective wisdom that comes from replies. Today I read a reply Heather wrote and it was exactly what I needed to hear from the Lord today. She has been doing a Beth Moore bible study and had come across this quote today "sometimes it seems like God answers prayers in a way that shows His supremacy and sometimes He answers prayers in a way that shows His sufficiency...He is never leaving...". Supremacy vs. Sufficiency, this is so true! Thanks Heather for the reminder! May we all understand our role in the community of believers in helping one another keep our eyes on the omnipresesence of our loving God!

Patience has never been my strongest virtue. Perhaps that is why it seems to take so long for me to the learn the lessons God has had in store for me. This cough is really getting old. How do I adjust my attitude about that? How do I find the joy in that? So this is my current struggle. In regards to yesterday's post about dreams. There have been times that I have had dreams for physical healing and those are the dreams that from my earthly perspective God has not chosen to come true. I prayed that He would cause this cough to stop and allow me to go on the women's retreat. There is no way not to interpret that prayer as an outright "no", afterall here I sit. In 1992 I had to have a partial hysterectomy because of overactive endometriosis and an ovarian cyst. The doctor's told me that the odds of me being able to get pregnant were very small, but they had left in place one ovary and one tube (on opposite sides) and that while it would not be probable, it would be possible for God to do if He so chose. Then in 1998 when I got the cervical cancer and had to have a total hysterectomy, that dream of being able to birth children was gone forever. Both times Steve and I prayed for other means to work so that reproductive organs would not have to be removed. Both times, it happened anyway. It seems that God's direct answer again was "no". The "why's" have abounded. For years to come we have asked why it would not be God's will that we would have children? Acceptance has come, but I would be less than honest if I didn't say the "why's" don't occassionally come. The hardest times are when I go to the hospital to visit families with newborn babies. I usually walk away feeling a hole in my heart. So this is one dream I don't have an answer for and probably will not until God finally reveals it to me. But I have accepted that for whatever reason it was not His best for me and I wait and trust for Him to one day show me the "why's".
It is rather hard to write about all this and really explain the faith struggle in all of life. I am sure you all know it as well. It may seem like I have been strong, but I have just as many "bad" days as I have "good" days. I have days where I question instead of accept, days that I mumble instead of rejoice, days that I even question the very existence of God. That question has never been verbalized as much as it has in the past two years though. When I first woke up from my coma, it was very appearant that prayer was the only thing that was going to get me through as I had so far to go. We saw God answer prayers like getting out of ICU in 3 days and getting into rehab much sooner than anticipated. Getting moved into a private room much sooner than anticipated. Some injuries were healing other's were taking more time than we wanted, but we could continually see progress. I remember the first big disappointment was when I wanted to pass the swallowing test so bad. For days I had been able to not even chew ice. I prayed most of the night before the test and failed it. I was so confident God would answer that prayer the way I wanted it answered. But he didn't, it would be another week or so before I was able to try the test again and in the meantime had to intake this awful stuff called "thicken up" and suck on lemon flavored q-tips. During this time I found that singing praise songs in my head would get me through most anything. I kept gaining strength, trying to focus on the positives and not the negatives. Was doing better and better, left rehab saw the light at the end of the tunnel and WHAM, the bone infection. How could it be? I thought if there was ever a time for prayer, this was it, and believe me so very many people were praying faithfully for me! There is the verse in James 5:14-15, "Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up." The elders at RE believe in prayer and I had been with them when they had annointed others with oil. It was time for me to ask them to do that for me as I did not want to have bone removed because of an infection. So we met, they prayed and annointed me and I stood in complete confidence that God would answer this prayer, after all He said the prayer offered in faith would make the sick person well. Well, in this case it did not. I had an infection, had to have the operation and remove two inches of bone and was sent back to square one with my leg, no weightbearing, etc. I was devastated. This was the first time in my life I can remember feeling so lost, in such a dark place. Singing praise songs or listening to them has always helped me when I am low. Not this time. Nothing was working, not even an antidepressant. The question that kept coming up for me was "how can a God who is able to do anything, just choose not to?". I had not doubted His ability or power. Afterall, the God who raises the dead can heal a leg bone. But He chose not too. One of the things that really bothered me is that every time I saw children at church, they would tell me they were praying for me. I wanted them to see their prayers were being answered. I had no explanations, no testimonies of "see, this is why we pray". I actually went through a time of not praying because it no longer mattered. But then I read Phillip Yancey's book "Disappointment with God". It really helped. I started praising God regardless of my understanding. Knowing that I may not know the "why's" now, but trusting that God still had me in the palm of His hands and was doing His best for me. To be truthful the other factor that helped is I hated being out of the light. The darkness just kept getting darker and I did not want to stay there. So we were back on the road to recovery and trusting God, once again things were going well and WHAM, now the bone is bowing and I will have to back into the fixator again. So here we are two months into that process. Wish I could say I had better answers this time, but I don't. Once again the "why's" abound.
One thing I am convinced of is God is big enough to handle my "why's", I don't hold anything back from Him. He isn't giving me any answers yet, and maybe he won't. I am doing my best to continue to "trust in Him and not in my own understanding", Proverbs 3:5. Today I read this verse and it hit me between the eyes, James 1:2-4-" Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." So the quest now is to be mature and complete, lacking nothing and if I must endure this to recieve that, so be it!
I know this is a long post. But I have to tell you this. In looking up that last passage online to put here, I accidently typed in I Peter:1:2-4. Look at what verses 3-5 says in the Message, "What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we've been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you'll have it all—life healed and whole." So leave it to my Ephesians 3:20 God to wait till I am writing a lengthy post on a blog to reveal part of the "why" to me!!!! Praise be to my God and Father!!! I will have a day that is coming when I'll have it all-LIFE HEALED AND WHOLE!!!!!

Well, I think I am a little better today, although I could not quit coughing long enough last night to get any significant sleep. Have been able to get a couple of hours here and there today. I just can't seem to get this cough to break up. So...we contine the breathing treatments. As I said yesterday, I had been asked to speak on a panel at our Ladies Retreat today. The title of the retreat is "Got Dreams? Embracing God's Dreams for you. I will reflect on some of the questions here. Mostly for my own sake, but hopefully some of my experiences might help you draw closer to God and glorify Him. That would be my prayer.

Question 1: Describe your dream that has turned out differently than you had hoped or imagined.
This was going to be the hardest of the questions for me because it seems in my life God has been a God of surprises and for the most part has detoured me from numerous dreams to see his ideal for me. Here are just a few of the dreams:
1. Wanted a baby sister
2. Wanted a father who would journey with us in our Christian walk
3. Wanted a Christian husband
4. Wanted to work for Christian Children's Home as a Social Worker
5. Wanted to open a small group home for girls
6. Wanted children
7. Wanted to be a full time paid Children's Minister
8. Wanted to be healed from cervical cancer
9. Wanted bone in my leg to heal.

Obviously way too many dreams to comment on. So I am going to choose #2 and #3 because they are related.

Question 2: How has this dream changed? What does it look like in today's reality?
When I was 12 my parents got divorced, never what a child bargains for. The reasons for their divorce are not relevant to this post, but the fact that my birth father did not share our Christian beliefs did impact that decision. Three years later my mother remarried and God gave six children (me and my two brothers, my two stepsisters and stepbrothers) a wondeful God fearing father. And with a big sense of humor we were 16,15,15,14,13 and 6!! I didn't have long to live in that home before I went off to college, but because of my parents committment to the Lord we all became a family. My dad went on to study ministry and became a preacher for over 15 years. Full of wisdom and love for the Lord he loved me unconditionally. What I learned about God's love through Him could fill a book! Most of all is that even though I am not of his blood he loves me as though I am. I have never felt like a step child, I am his daughter in every way. I was determined that I was going to find a husband like him who loved God the way he did and would love me the way he loved my mom. I was engaged twice before I met Steve trying not to wait for God's best but to settle just to be married. Fortunately, things happened and those marriages did not come to be. Just when I thought God was not going to bring me a husband and I would have to accept that relationship with Him alone is always enough, He brought Steve into my life. We were both 36 at the time! That whole story is a book too, but suffice it to say Steve is the most wonderful Godly husband any woman could have!! Talk about loving unconditionally! He accepted so much from my past that he did not have to accept, he loved me even with all my weight, he continues to love me and forgive me when I don't have a loving spirit or my spirit is too critical. He has been the spiritual leader that I had longed for. He keeps my eyes focused on the prize. He prays for me and with me. He is so much better at the spiritual disciplines than I am that he challenges me in that area. Then these last two years!!!! What can I say about the countless hours he has spent serving my every whim, taking such good care of me! Loving me, encouraging me, giving me the courage to keep fighting. I love him more than I ever thought possible! I have all confidence that he will always do his best to keep his vows to me, one of which was to keep Ephesians 5:25 and love me the way Christ loved the church.

Question 3: What was the hardest part in adjusting to the reality in contrast to your dream?
Having the patience to wait on God's timing. I wanted to take matters in my own hands and do it my way. When I surrendered to God's way and timing He gave me the very best.

Question 4: Is there a particular scripture or spiritual concept you could share that God has given you that has helped? Jeremiah 29:11-For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Knowing God has the plan releases my need to control. The fullfillment of that plan has led me to the scripture I have at the head of my blog. God's promise-Ephesians 3:20-21-God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us."(the Message)

Question 5: What is the biggest blessing you’ve experienced through the changed reality of your life dreams? That God's best is always much more than anything I could dream up on my own.

Question 6: Is there a benefit/blessing you have gained, the discovery of which would make you say that it has been worth the pain and/or the struggle? It make take some hindsight to see it, but to see God's plans will far exceed my own plans or ideas. There are definitely some other dreams which have yet to come true that I constantly have to remind myself of this truth. Perhaps I will share one or two of them in the days to come.

So if you haven't heard. I didn't get better, I actually got worse. Wednesday afternoon I called the doctor and told him nothing was working and I was wheezing so bad I could not get my breath. He told me I would need to go to ER and get a breathing treatment. A trip to the hospital? Just what I need another hospital experience. We went to Baylor Garland because I have been admitted there before, they do a good job and have private rooms. Well after sitting in ER for four hours, I don't know that that was the best decision. I was amazing how many people were there for relatively simple things like colds and flu. I don't know why they don't go to Docs in the Box? Steve said because most of them don't have insurance and ER rooms have to give them service. Anyway after 4 hours they diagnosed me with asthmatic bronchitis. After giving me a breathing treatment, there was no difference and my oxygen levels were too low so they said they would have to admit me. Then they couldn't find any open rooms. So after arriving at the hospital at 5:30 p.m. I was finally in a room at 2:00 a.m. by the time the doctor checked me out, the nurses did their duties it was 3:30!! Then at 6:00 all the new staff came and it all started over. So needless to say I was exhausted. But all day Thursday everytime I tried to sleep I coughed and woke myself up. Because my oxygen levels got stable the doctor said I could come home today and they would send and Nebulizer home with me and I could continue the breathing treatments here. I welcomed coming home, because even if I wasn't much better, I wouldn't have all the nurses interruptions to deal with in trying to get some rest. Don't get me wrong I am thankful for what they do, but they just couldn't seem to coordinate their visits with when I was coughing instead of when I was actually sleeping :) I am most bummed in that I was suppose to be leaving for our annual Ladies Retreat out in East Texas. It is a beautiful fern wooded camp on a lake. I go every year and it is just so much fun to be with all the women and have time to catch up with each other in an extended time. Not to mention just the extra time with the Lord as well. They had asked me to be on a panel to talk about what you do when your dreams don't come true. I will spend some time tomorrow posting what I thought I might be saying to those questions, just in case anyone is interested. In the meantime I was brought to tears tonight as I got a phone call from the ladies and they sang to me "We love you with the love of the Lord". How sweet was that? And now you know why I will desperately miss being with them all this weekend!!