Continued Confession

One thing I find difficult about blogging is being transparent. I would much rather try to be uplifting or trivial than being confessional. I think part of the reason is I don't want anyone's pity or readers thinking they have to say something to cheer me up. But in an effort to keep this blog honest about the journey I am on, I will continue to have days like today where I need to post honest feelings. Today I went to the doctor for a check up because I was having some sharp pains in my right knee. The good news is nothing is majorily wrong, evidently I have pulled my HCL (most likely a couple of weeks ago when I stepped up into the church van). It should heal in a few weeks. But on the way home I heard a song that just made me start crying. I think it is because the lyrics were speaking my heart right now. I came home and looked it up so I could post it. It is by Nicole Sponberg and is called "Ressurection"

I'’m at a loss for words,

there’’s nothing to say

I sit in silence wondering

what led me to this place

How did my heart become

so lifeless and cold

Where did the passion go?

When all my efforts seem like chasing wind

I'’ve used up all my strength

and there’’s nothing left to give

I'’ve lost the feeling

and I'’m down to the core

Can'’t fake it anymore

Here I am at the end

I'’m in need of resurrection

Only you can take this empty shell

and raise it from the dead

What I'’ve lost to the world

what seems far beyond redemption

You can take the pieces in your hand

and make me whole again

However, while I was looking for that song, I found this one by Avalon that I don't remember hearing before and I felt like it was a prayer given to me by God to continue on this journey of healing. Thank you God.

Band: Avalon Album: Avalon Track: Renew Me ::

Why am I such a dusty window

For your light to shine through?

Why am I just a tiny star

In a sky already blue?

Why do I offer everything

With my heart closed like a fist?

I want to love You better than this

Why do I live like I'm in chains

When You have set me free?

And why do I have to break Your heart

Before I fall to my knees?

I know it's time to pray for change

Give all I have to give

I want to love You better than this

So renew me, Remake me

Undo me, Unbreak me

Come into the empty spaces

Of my broken places

And consume me, Complete me

Pursue me, Redeem me

Let Your Holy Spirit living through me

Renew me I need Your power to renew me,

Lord, yeahI need to know You're moving through me,

LordI need You as my refuge

My first and last resort

Be the river always running

Through my deepest thoughts

Keep me in Your arms'

Cause even when I drift

I want to love You better than this

So renew me, Remake me

Undo me, Unbreak me

Come into the empty spaces

Of my broken places

And consume me, Complete me

Pursue me, Redeem me

Let Your Holy Spirit living through me

Renew me

My life bending to Your will

Seeking You until I'm more and more like You