There is just no way around it...sometimes life is hard. This has been a hard week. 6 days ago my father had a major stroke and has been left without the ability to talk and the use of his right hand. Depending on the day he cannot stand for any length of time. It has been so hard watching him desperately trying to say what he wants to say but not being able to get it out and then he crys. It is just so heartbreaking watching him and knowing that all he really wants is to go "home". He has wanted to go "home" for almost 4 years now. But when we moved here to Colorado Springs, there was some new light in his eyes and he was even pushing himself to get out of the house more. God gave us that hope and we are left with that memory. But now those sweet memories are being replaced by memories of suffering.
Yes, my dad's suffering is heartbreaking, but he is sleeping a lot and not always aware of what is going on. My heart is also breaking for my mom. She has lost her best friend. Yes, he is still here, but they cannot sit and talk to each other for hours like they used to. They can't laugh at something on the television. They can't go out to eat, or out at all for that matter. My heart broke today as I watched her comfort him and give him a hug as he patted her arm. There are no more kisses between them. I know that every couple goes through this if they live long enough, but it doesn't make it any easier.
Then if all of this wasn't enough, my mother's modem died and her toilet broke. I just wanted to shout "are you kidding me?". I know that none of this is from God, it is all from Satan. His purpose is to get us to doubt God, to think He doesn't care. While I recognize that, it is still hard. I do want to shout "where are you God?" I beg for Him to have mercy and let my father come home. It just seems to be falling on deaf ears. I know His timing is not mine and I am not in control, He is.
But I am really having a hard time understanding why He isn't keeping His promises.
"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."-Matthew 21:22
"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:24
"Receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him." 1 John 3:22
"You do not have, because you do not ask God." James 4:2
It is hard not to ask "why"? I have put as the title of this blog "looking for God to keep His Ephesians 3:20 promise". I don't know how He will do exceedingly more here since we have felt His silence for 6 days now, but He is God and I am not and I have no other choice but to trust. Once again God, I plead with you to let my father come into your presence and please have mercy on him and end his suffering.
In Jesus Name.
3 comments:
Praying for peace and comfort, for you but for your mother. I remember when I lost my other dad. he was in a coma a week before passing. They were no more smiles, words, or anything. It was a time to grieve and say good by on our part. I believe that your dad knows you are there with him, comforting your mother and grieving together. I believe that this brings him comfort and peace knowing he is loved and cared for so deeply. You are in our prayers and thoughts.
Thanks Stormy!!
Lynn,
As I read your blog, I thought about things in my own life...
Sometimes answers don't come. Sometimes, it seems God is silent. But always, we must choose to believe He knows what's best. We must choose to believe He has a plan even when we can't see it.
You and your family are in my prayers. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I will pray for peace and the comfort of knowing that God is in control.
Post a Comment