57 And Counting

Today was my 57th birthday. How can that be? I am three years away from being 60!! Just doesn't seem possible. I was blessed that this celebration was several days long :-) My previous post tells how my friends from Texas came to surprise me for my birthday. We had a fun three days together. Friday we took the Cog train up to Pikes Peak and Saturday we had a picnic at Garden of the Gods. Then yesterday Steve took me out to breakfast and we went to see Inception (a really good movie). Usually when others rave about a movie I am disappointed, but not this time. Inception was just as good as everyone said it was. Then last night my parents took me out to eat to Edelweiss for German food. It was very good! I had a combination platter so I could have a little of snitzel, saurbraten and chicken cordon bleu(which I have to admit I didn't know was German). To top it off they gave me a complimentary piece of chocolate birthday cake that was ever bit as my favorite at the Cheesecake Factory. Looking forward to a great year to follow this great day!

Sweet Friends

So today Steve told me we were going to Wendy's for lunch on our a way to a movie. I thought it was a little strange, just because Wendy's isn't one of our usual eateries. Before we moved to Colorado I would eat at Wendy's every Wednesday night after Bible Class with a group of friends called the "Supper Club". We had not eaten at Wendy's since moving to Colorado Springs. Steve had been a little cryptic about the plans and had indicated we would be doing something tomorrow and Saturday as well. It wasn't until we were walking into Wendy's I had this suspicion "I wonder if someone is here?" But in my wildest dreams I did not think it would be four sweet friends!!! Half of the supper club: Deb, Piper, Linda and Tresia! They had driven all the way from Richardson (left Amarillo this morning) to come surprise me for my birthday which is Monday. I was so touched!! They took me to dinner tonight at the Flying W Ranch (a chuckwagon dinner and Western show) It was so much fun! Tomorrow we are taking a ride on the Pikes Peak Cog Train and going to the Garden of the Gods. Hopefully I can post some more pictures then.

Why Have We Forgotten?

It is amazing to me how much we have forgotten what the founders of this country believed and their hopes and dreams for the future of America. Just read a few of these quotes and you will have to agree we have strayed afar from what they had hoped for.

'An appeal to arms and the God of hosts is all that is left us. But we shall not fight our battle alone. There is a just God that presides over the destinies of nations. The battle sir, is not of the strong alone. Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it almighty God. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death.' -Patrick Henry

'It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religion, but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For that reason alone, people of other faiths have been afforded freedom of worship here.'-Patrick Henry

'I am a Christian, that is to say a disciple of the doctrines of Jesus. I have little doubt that our whole country will soon be rallied to the unity of our Creator and, I hope, to the pure doctrine of Jesus, also.'-Thomas Jefferson

'It is impossible to govern the world without God and the Bible. Of all the dispositions and habits that lead to political prosperity, our religion and morality are the indispensable supporters. Let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that our national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.'-George Washington

'We have no government armed with the power capable of contending with human passions, unbridled by morality and true religion. Our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.'-John Adams

'The highest glory of the American Revolution was this: it connected in one indissoluble bond the principles of civil government with the principles of Christianity.'-John Quincy Adams

'The foundations of our society and our government rest so much on the teachings of the Bible that it would be difficult to support them if faith in these teachings would cease to be practically universal in our country.' -Calvin Coolidge

In 1782, the United States Congress voted this resolution: 'The congress of the United States recommends and approves the Holy Bible for use in all schools.'

So we ask "what happened?". It all began in 1947 when the Supreme Court banned this prayer from their assembly 'Almighty God, we acknowledge our dependence on Thee. We beg Thy blessings upon us and our parents and our teachers and our country. Amen.'

Now that Elena Kagan has been approved as the new Supreme Court justice we will all need to be more fervant in prayer than ever before, because it is only going to be worse for those of us who bear the name Christian.

Health Insurance

One of the things I didn't really consider in a move was changing doctors. Since we really don't know people in Colorado Springs, there aren't many recommendations so we just have to look at the yellow pages and pick doctors who are convenient to the house. That in itself is a task, but add onto that mix all the health insurance hubaloo and it is a nightmare.

It has been the biggest blessing that my car accident and subsequent injuries were covered by workman's compensation. Steve and I would probably be homeless by now with all the couple of million my medical care has been. Before considering leaving Texas, I asked my adjuster if there would be any problems with getting workman's comp when I moved and the reply was "no problem you will just need to find a doctor who accepts workman's comp". She should have said "you might want to call and see what they say before you make the move". Because guess what?? There is not a single orthopedist in Colorado Springs that will accept out of state workman's compensation!! I have called them all!!! So then I called back and said "can I talk to someone who might have the power to make an exception". I found one doctor who said if I get my records sent and they get it in writing the insurance company will pay Colorado rates that he will consider it. So I am waiting for an answer.

The crazy thing is I am caught between a rock and a hard place, because if I can't find a doctor, they are telling me I will just have to go back to Texas! Are you kidding me?? I can't go to the doctor and just put it on my regular health insurance because it was a workman's comp accident. Now just a few months ago I became eligible for disability and little did I know that meant I would qualify for Medicare, until I got the card in the mail. Since our health insurance premium for me is $650 a month, we thought that would be a blessing. Well guess what?? Neither will Medicare cover anything to do with my leg because it is a workman's comp injury. So I called and asked what if I just close my workman's comp case? I was told it was illegal????? They are legally responsible for paying for my leg the rest of my life. Well that does a lot of good if I can't find a doctor to accept the insurance.

I have spent hours on the phone the past two weeks dealing with all of this and it is just so frustrating. Then on top of that who knew being put on Medicare would not be a blessing??? Doctor's are all running "gun shy" of accepting it because the government is threatening to reduce the amounts they get reimbursed. Naive me had no idea a doctor had the freedom to chose whether they accepted Medicare or not? Perhaps if you didn't have supplemental insurance this would make sense to me, because they may or may not get paid when Medicare doesn't pay the total bill. But when you have supplemental insurance it pays what Medicare doesn't so what is the risk to the doctor??

So I had to get a Colorado doctor to sign my paperwork to get a handicap license plate. It just seemed easiest to go under my present insurance which we haven't canceled yet. Little did I know that since I was eligible for Medicare in June, I couldn't go to the doctor in June and have it charged to United Health Care, even though we haven't canceled it yet because we haven't received final confirmation that we have been accepted by the supplemental company. It has been another few hours of calls to get all straight, but the kicker??? They charged $235.00 for a visit for a doctor to fill out a form??? Yes they did take my blood pressure, but a ten minute interview is $235.00!!!!!!! Crazy! There obviously needs to be something done. But unfortunately I have seen nothing that indicates Obama's plan is going to make it better. And if I had any doubt before what is this bill that the Congress is putting in place that will make them except from the plan we are all forced to accept??

No....unfortunately, I am afraid there are still more frustrating times ahead. It definitely is an exercise in patience.

Presbyterian Church Vote

Yesterday the Presbyterian Church U.S.A. voted to allow non celibate homosexuals to be clergy? I just find this to be so wrong on so many levels. It won by a 53% majority. Their next step today is to decide whether they will change their definition of marriage from "a man and a woman" to between "two people."

Wow that is even scary. That means that and adult and a child could marry and it would be between "two people" and why just two, why not three or four people, or why not brother-sister, father-daughter, aunt-nephew, etc? Of course right now most states don't allow any of those scenarios to happen. And while at the moment most states don't allow homosexuals to marry, it is coming and is a major agenda item for the Obama administration.

We can't be surprised when the world acts like the world, but when the church acts like the world???? Why would Presbyterians think that homosexuals could be clergy?
Would they let an adulterer, or fornicator, or child molester be clergy?? Why would they not just say celibate homosexuals can be clergy?? The article I read also said the Evangelical Luthern, the U.S. Episcopal church and the United Church of Christ have also made the ruling to let non celibate homosexuals be clergy as long as they are in committed relationships.

The whole homosexual propaganda is just so wrong. They want us to just accept that it is an alternative lifestyle. But all the things I listed above could also be a lifestyle. One difference is a child molester is harming another individual. Unless you are talking about a minor who actually consents and then it would also fall into the "lifestyle" category. No one condones any of those acts and yet more and more we are just letting the homosexuals push their lifestyle into being accepted as normal. And why am I labeled a "homophobe" if I speak out against homosexuality? What do you call me for speaking out against adultery?

I know the homosexuals sin is no worse than my own sin and they are entitled to the same free gift of grace that I am. But just like I can't keep sinning so that grace abounds (Romans 6:1) the homosexual must take a vow of chastity in order to not be sinning.
I am not sure what the answer is besides praying? And just speaking truth whenever we can. Once again while I have my opinions I know I am not the final judge.

I have had way too many serious posts as of late. I will have to post something much more uplifting soon!!!

Church Looking Followup

So tonight I got two calls from people from two different churches. Here is how the conversations went:

First:
Caller: "Is this Lynn Leaming?"
Me: It is
Caller: "This is (she may have said her name, I missed it)from.......church. I wanted to thank you for your visit on Sunday."
Me: Thank you
Caller:"I was just going to send you a card but I couldn't tell for sure what your address was, so I thought I would just call and ask"
Me: gave her my address
Caller:"Well I hope we will see you again sometime"
Me: Thanks for calling

Second Call:
Caller: "Hi Lynn, this is................, I was calling to see if you and Steve had a good
4th."
Me: I told him all about Steve's sinus problems, and the hail, etc. How about you?
Caller:"We had rain and hail as well but stuck it out at the Air Academy and it was a good show" I wanted to let you know that our small group will be meeting right after services on Sunday. We will be in the conference room that is right off the auditorium.
Me: "I don't think we will be at.......this Sunday as we are going to go to......for our second time, but thanks so much for letting us know."
Caller: "Our philosophy at.......is that we want each person to find the place where they can serve God the most and while we would like that to be.......we want you to do what you feel God is calling you to do."
Me: I appreciate that, it has been an interesting journey so far, other than (his church) we haven't found anyone to be very friendly and you have called us twice so we really appreciate it. To be honest..........is more my worship style, but we have just not felt a strong leading yet.
Caller: "you do know about our Newcomer's class right?"
Me: No, not really, does it happen once a quarter or something?
Caller: "no, it is a two week class, but it happens every week and just repeats" and then he went on to tell me all that is covered in the class.
Me: I will be sure and tell Steve and we will go the next time we visit, you don't have to be a member to attend do you?
Caller: "no, it is designed exactly for people like you. How are your parents?
Me: I tell him how they are and a little bit more history about them.
Caller: "I hope that we will see you again soon"
Me: We will definitely be back.

Now I ask you which church would you revisit??

Church Looking

Wow! I had no idea how hard it would be looking for a new church home. We have visited six different churches and on our second round with three down. I would consider me an outgoing person, but so far every church we have been to has been an uncomfortable experience. I keep looking people in the eyes hoping they will introduce themselves to me. Very few have and those that have have mostly been in their 70's or older. Yesterday, three men spoke to me (Steve was home sick) and not one woman??? There was a man talking to me and telling me he knew someone who moved to Texas and thought it was a town near Dallas but couldn't remember the name, to which the woman in front of us turned and said "Lone Tree" and yet not once after that man left did she turn around and introduce herself??? Are you kidding me??? What is that about???

We thought at first it was because we were just showing up for worship and not Bible class. The past two weeks we have also gone to Bible class, which for both churches was an all age class in the auditorium. So there we are after class sitting in the seat for 10-15 minutes waiting for worship to start and still no one speaks?? Yesterday 2 men shook my hand and walked by.

BUT the bigger deal for me is that EVERY time we have visited we have filled out "visitor cards" and marked that we are looking for a church home and we have received one call?? No visits, no calls to do lunch or dinner, basically no interest whether we would be valuable members or not??? It has been so interesting being on the outside looking in. Hopefully God is teaching us very valuable lessons and I won't forget how this feels and determine that I will make sure other's don't feel this in the future.

Perhaps part of it is because we have promoted the belief that visitors want to be anonymous and perhaps for the majority of people that is true. Maybe we should have stickers for visitors to wear that tell us whether they want to be approached or not?
When we used to visit Highland Oaks there was a lady who wore flashing jewelry. Perhaps I need a flashing sign that says "yes I want you to talk to me".

I know that God knows where He wants us and where He will use us and perhaps we just haven't found that place yet. Steve and I have been praying about it and we just have not felt any strong leading one way or the other. So we don't know what that means and are asking ourselves does that mean we are suppose to look outside the church of Christ? And if so where? It causes you to start evaluating what things are important to you in a church.

Obviously from what I have already said friendliness is important to me, but there are really some Biblical teachings that I just can't compromise on. The most important is that the church believes that baptism by immersion is a necessary teaching and that it is baptism for the remission of sins. It is interesting how many websites I have read where they state that baptism is an outward sign of an inner acceptance of Christ. Several go on to say it is not baptism that saves us. What do they do with I Peter 3:21 "and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also—not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a good conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ."? Yes, it is true that it is Jesus that saves not baptism, but you cannot become one with Jesus without baptism.

Communion is also important to me. When I have visited churches who don't observe it weekly, I have missed it. It is not something I do by rote, it is part of my worship celebration. I don't think it would be the same if I only took it once a month and I know I could not only do it quarterly.

I don't think God would have spent time in multiple places in His Word talking about elders and deacons if they were not an important part of a church. Then there is instrumental music. I personally don't think it is a salvation issue, but neither do I enjoy "rocking out" in worship. When the music is louder than the words of worshipers, it is no longer worshipful for me. Guess the final thing for me is that women are not in prominent roles. There maybe some special circumstance for a woman to lead prayer, sing a solo, give a testimony, read a scripture, but I personally don't think that women should be more in leadership than the men. I feel that God gave that role to men and we should be supportive.

So the look continues. Hopefully, once God has confirmed the decision for us I will be able to blog again and it will have turned out to be a much better journey than it has been so far. I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for us. I look at where He has brought me from and there has never been a church that wasn't family, so I know He will do it again.

Prayer

Today I was still unpacking things in the garage and the only station I could get to come through was country western. I don't listen to much country. I heard this song by Jason The Long Road To Love, that I assume is suppose to be funny, but I found it really sad. I thought the first verse was so sweet and said "ahh" and then came the rest. Guess I was surprised that it would be such a mockery of church and prayer. Don't know where I have been but this song made it to the top 20 in 2009?? Guess it makes me glad I don't listen to secular music much and VERY thankful that this is not the kind of prayer warriors I have praying for me.

"I haven't been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were goin’ great ‘til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know where ever you are honey, I pray for you

I’m really glad I found my way to church
‘Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah I’m goin’to take the high road
And do what the preacher told me to do
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
You keep messin’ up and I’ll keep prayin’ for you

I pray your tire blows out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with his and her tattoos
I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you."

Church Excellence

I have been spending a lot of time looking at church websites. We have visited all of the churches of Christ in Colorado Springs and I was interested if there are any nondenominational churches we could visit that still would fit into our belief system. The most important being that they practice baptism. Yesterday I came across this statement on one churches website ""We value punctuality at Christ Church, contributing to a spirit of excellence. As such, all services and events start on time." I thought it was interesting that this would be on their homepage. I heard a speaker at a workshop years ago say that a church will only be as good as the bar that is set. This church obviously lets people know one bar anyway. Is it the most important one? Probably not, but nevertheless at least they recognize being purposeful as a sign of excellence.

I posted this on my FB page and here are some of the comments people made?
"That church is, obviously, NOT in New Mexico!"
"Have they ever been to church? No one is on time!"
"LOL, I'm sure they have the same number of late folks as everyone else"
"um...makes you wonder, do they tell everyone that events start an hour earlier than they actually do to ensure punctuality?"

Isn't it interesting that we just accept the standard of lateness when it comes to church? How many people have that attitude towards work or school? How many people show up late for a wedding? What about a sporting event or concert? If we were told we were going to have the opportunity to meet an important dignitary would we be late? And yet, week after week people think nothing of being late for worship. Would you say that is putting our best foot forward for the Lord?

I know as a Bible class teacher this used to be so frustrating. Starting your lesson and then having to catch several children up as they came in late so that they would understand what was going on. We would start out each year explaining that importance of punctuality to parents and it would start out better but get worse and worse as the year progressed. You really couldn't fault the children, they didn't have a driver's license.

In looking for churches you also find that there are several that they have labeled "anti churches": anti Bible class, anti children's homes, anti multi cup, etc. Well today the church we visited wasn't an anti church but we noticed on Sunday mornings they have about 200 in worship.....last Wednesday night?? 47. To which Steve said "they may not be anti Bible class in theology but they are in practice."

Yes, it is easy for me to be critical, the harder thing is for me to personally strive for excellence in my own life. "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8. I can't control what anyone else does, all I can do is strive for excellence in my own life. Believe me there are lots of areas I need to improve on, and yes, even being better at time management so that I am not late to Bible class or worship.

Pity Party

So if you read my blog yesterday, you know it was pretty much a pity party. Well it continued today until God did what He always does with me.....gives me proof that it could be so much worse. I heard today that Joni Eareckson Tada has breast cancer and will be having surgery on the 28th. My first reaction? Good grief! Has she not had enough! And then to put fire on top of my attitude, here was her reply "Yes, it's alarming, but rest assured that Ken and I are utterly convinced that God is going to use this to stretch our faith, brighten our hope and strengthen our witness to others," said Tada.

If only I approached adversity with that kind of strength!! Thanks Joni for showing me today that I should definitely be counting my blessings! And sorry God for the pity party...I am thankful for all that You have done for me!

I Just Didn't Know

Wow! Hard to believe that we have been in Colorado Springs six weeks already! There are a few things I like about being here. First would be the weather. Just today on Weatherbug it said we were 20 degrees cooler than Richardson. Most of the days we are just leaving the back and front doors open. Second would be just seeing the mountains everyday. I have always loved the mountains and just seeing them from my table when I eat and when I drive around town is nice. I like the convenience of shopping. Everything I need is ten minutes away. Although I have to admit I wish I had another choice of grocery stores and wish there was a convenient store close by for when I just need milk. But I don't have to drive on the Freeway at all for any reason but to leave town. That would leave me to another thing I really like and that is being closer to family. We have already had several opportunities to be together with family members in Denver.

I am thankful that my dad has felt better here. He still has good days and bad days, but he is so much happier here. He really likes their new condo. He has been getting out a little bit more.

But what I didn't know is how very much I would miss friends. It's not like I called and talked to friends everyday, but I could always count on seeing them several times a week, just because we would be at "church" actitivities together. There is nothing to look forward to here. Everyday is the same right now. I do know that this isn't a permanent status. Eventually we will get plugged in and make friends, but for now....it is just lonely.

Looking for a church home hasn't proved to be easy either. Of course we have only visited each one once, except for Eastside which we visited for a second time last Sunday. Wow! I had forgotten how hard it is to visit churches!! I am just waiting for someone to make eye contact and notice that we are visiting. Those people have been few and far between. Steve is much better than I am about being assertive and not waiting for the other person. I have found it interesting that we have filled out that visitor's card at each place noting that "we are looking for a church home" and yet we have only recieved one phone call and two form letters. But more than that we have been praying that we feel the Spirit's leading and know where the Lord wants us to be. So far, neither of us have felt that leading. Did I mention that patience is not my greatest virtue??

Unfortunately, I should be using this down time to just spend time with the Lord, and read and listen. But instead I am spending WAY too much time on the computer just playing endless games. I turn it off on the end of the day and amaze myself that I have been on 7-8 hours straight! That cannot be good!!

So I thought perhaps if I blogged about it, I would be motivated to be better. Because I will start blogging about what I have read each day. Not that this is for anyone else to read. Just to keep me accountable to me. Hopefully along the way I can also share some positives about meeting people and finding ways to get involved in ministering to people.

My Special Friend

One of the blessings I have had for the past two years is being a Holy Butterfly special friend to Courtney Thomas. The Holy Butterflies are 3rd and 4th grade girls that meet on Wednesday nights and learn about what it means to be a woman after God's own heart. They are assigned "special friends" when they are 3rd graders. A special friend is blessed to pray for their little friend, spend time with them and just be a small part of their life. I had never been able to be a special friend while I was children's minister because it would have been showing partiality, so the first thing I wanted to do when I was retired, was to be a special friend and I asked if my special friend could be Courtney.

Little did I know that I would be blessed way more than I would bless Courtney. Courtney and I have had two years of special times together. It was fun watching her in plays and musicals or singing in her school choir. We had fun on outings together. But what made Courtney special is she loved me unconditionally. She never failed to give me a big smile and hello whenever she saw me in the hallways of the church building. She would make me cards and give me little gifts. The most special thing she did was twice she took her gift card that her grandmother had given her to Chick-fil-a and treated me to lunch. I delighted in watching her enjoy a good brownie. She loved chocolate and made sure I knew that her favorites were
Ghiradelli Chocolate Carmel Squares,which quickly became my favorite as well.

I was sad that we moved to Colorado Springs six weeks sooner than Courtney would graduate from the Holy Butterflies. I was so glad when she told me she asked Mrs. Lindsey if she would be my substitute for the month of May because I knew she would be well taken care of by one of my own spiritual giants.

So this post is dedicated to you sweet Courtney. Thank you for all the love you showered on me and for the ways I saw Jesus living in your heart. I look forward to keeping in touch with you and seeing how you continue to grow to be a great woman of God. He is going to use you in His kingdom in amazing ways. You will always have a very special place in my heart. I am most thankful that we will be friends not just in this world but in the world to come when we both get to be with our Jesus and His Father. Love you sweet girl!

Oh and a secondary blessing to being Courtney's special friend is I also got to spend time with her little brother Kyle. Kyle and I always had this special bond because I taught his Sunday Night class when he was 3 and 4 and he would always want to ride on my scooter. He gave me so many good laughs. It was hard for him to understand why he wasn't my special friend too :-) So we did try to include him some times as well.


Kyle and Courtney are blessed to have wonderful Christian parents, Eric and Kelley, who are doing a great job of planting God's Word deep in their kids hearts so that they will have strong roots to grow up with. They were also a blessing of spending time with Courtney and Kyle. They were sweet to trust me with their kiddos. I am hoping they will all come visit me next time they come skiing in Colorado!!

Looking For A Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Whew! I had no memories of moving being so hard!! I am so very thankful for all the friends that helped me pack up for this move. Terri, Andrea, Kimberly, Cathy, Joyce, Karla, Sara and David thank you from the bottom of my heart! I could not have done it without you!!

Then on this end, my sister Caren, neice Danette and their husbands were such blessings in getting boxes emptied and the kitchen and bathrooms set up. Now if I just had an interior designer to help me figure out how to decorate this house.
Trying to scale down from 2100 square feet to 1400 has been interesting. Just goes to show that there is so much stuff you really don't need, and I am really wanting to simplify....unfortunately there is something called a "crawl space" that is allowing me to "store" things "just in case".

I am so very homesick and really missing the voice of friends and hugs. God has always been faithful no matter where I have moved to bless me with friends and I know he will not dissapoint me here. It will just take time.

Met three neighbors today, two couples were in there late 70's, so perhaps it will give us an opportunity to serve. The other neighbor Jaquina warned me not to put up my winter clothes :-)

Continuing to wait with anticipation to see what God is going to do with us here in the Springs.

Lessons Learned From Moving

Well day one of leaving Richardson and on our way to Colorado. We are staying in Childress (not very far, but on the way). I have moved many times in my life but I don't remember it ever being this hard. I guess it is just that I am 11 years older than the last time and with my disability, standing just kills and you can't pack and clean without standing. But it did get done and now on the other end there won't be any pressure or deadlines to get things unpacked.

But I thought there were some spiritual applications that I learned from this move.
First of all "do not lay up treasures on earth"...how in the world do we get so much "stuff"?? I cannot even tell you how many trucks of "things" we took to Goodwill and Central Dallas Ministries and still we have way too many boxes!! I spent numerous hours purging through pictures and cards only to discover two more boxes of pictures and cards days later that I didn't get to look through and put together, so I will have that still to do on the other end. I am hoping I can still make more decisions to rid ourselves of things on the unpacking side.

I also need to make a committment to purge and clean once every quarter. Those places like under the bed, behind the couch, etc. are embarassing when you don't do it for a couple of years!!

This past Wednesday night, my lesson for the ladies class I teach on Wednesday nights was on Mary and Martha. What an appropriate lesson for me! I have spent way too much time "doing" the past few weeks and no time sitting at my Lord's feet. I can't help but believe if I had spent time with my Lord, other things woul have fallen into place without all the stress. Somehow all that decluttering of house stuff made me contemplate all the decluttering I need to do of my heart. I need to move a lot of things out so that the Lord can move more in. As I contemplate all the ways I want to decorate my new house, I think the Lord is dreaming of ways I will let Him redecorate my heart and life.

It is a new beginning and I am praying that I will not fall back into the old patterns but use this move as a starting over place and reprioritizing. I pray that the Lord will show us some exciting ways that we can serve Him and make a difference in the part of His kingdom called Colorado Springs.

Definition of Church

I read this on a young ladies Facebook post today and it caused me to think: "A church is a family of believers in Christ that weep for one another, shout for one another, and laugh with one another. They hold each other accountable in godliness and encourage one another in holiness to better serve their Master."

The first part of the quote flows easily and I agree with "A church is a family of believers in Christ that weep for one another, shout for one another, and laugh with one another." The churches I have been blessed to be a part of do those things well and I have experienced them personally. It is what we are told to do in Romans 12:15,"rejoice when others rejoice, mourn when others mourn."

But I am not sure I have seen the second part of that quote played out "They hold each other accountable in godliness and encourage one another in holiness to better serve their Master." I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I don't tend to hold anyone accountable especially when it comes to godliness or holiness. I sometimes will mention that I think a certain movie is inappropriate or show some surprise when somebody sees a movie or listens to music that I think is not appropriate. But holding someone accountable is a far deeper level. And if I am very honest, I am not so sure I want anyone holding me accountable....BUT if I knew someone would??? Well, I am sure there are a lot better choices I could make when it comes to godliness, holiness and serving my Lord.

Accountability requires honesty. There is no "fooling" one another with true accountability, but I think the only way accountability would work for me is if it not salted with judgement. So I really like the way the quote says "encourage one another in holiness". I can't hold you accouountable for a standard I am not willing to set for myself.

So I am hoping in this move as we are looking for a church, that Steve and I will look for a church that "is a family of believers in Christ that weep for one another, shout for one another, and laugh with one another. They hold each other accountable in godliness and encourage one another in holiness to better serve their Master." Perhaps there will be such a church in Colorado Springs.

What Is A Confession?

I have a few soapboxes and one of them has to do with Baptism. Growing up in the churches of Christ we were taught there are "five steps to salvation: hear, believe, repent, confess and baptism". Our generation has realized the "legalism" in that approach and that salvation is not about steps and it doesn't end at baptism. Baptism is the beginning of our walk with Christ not the end. It is at that point that we recieve the gift of the Holy Spirit who then begins to transform us more and more in the image of Christ with the gifts of Himself: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, aithfulness, gentleness and self control. We rely heavily on the grace of God to cover all those areas where we fall short. But we make it our goal to live out 1 Peter 1:15-16 "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."

This is my soapbox. One of the things that has to happen in order to embrace the meaning of baptism is confession. Here are some scriptures about confession:
-Romans 10:9-10: That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved."
-Romans 14:11: "For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved."
-Philippians 2:10-12: "that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,to the glory of God the Father.

So where did we get the tradition that when someone is baptized we ask them the question "do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God" and then the person being baptized says "yes". Is this really a confession? I don't think so, I think it is an affirmation. The person is affirming what they believe not confessing what they believe. The scripture says that we are to confess that "Jesus Christ is Lord", not the "Son of God" so my question is why don't we ask the person "who do you say that Jesus is?" OR "What do you believe about Jesus" OR "what is your confession today"? Any of those would lead to an actual confession.

-James 5:16: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
-1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Would we interpret these scriptures to mean I ask you "have you sinned?" and you say "yes, I have" that it was a confession of sins? I don't think so. So then imagine what would happen if this question was asked "why are you wanting to be baptized"? That the individual being baptized actually gives a testimony of their faith, how they came to hear, believe and what they are repenting of, actually confess that Jesus is Lord and are baptized. To me we have just made baptism a "step" and not a transforming life event. We fit it into a service instead of focusing a service around it.

On Easter Sunday we had a young girl baptized and I thought it odd to watch us take communion and she let it pass by her because it wasn't "official" yet and yet no one took communion with her afterwards?? Have we not missed the point??

Do I think God honors the baptism of all of us who just said "yes" to the question that was asked of us? Absolutely yes! But just wonder how many of us would have been more transformed if we had confessed that "Jesus Christ is Lord" and understood better what it meant for Him to be the Lord of our lives?

So there is my soapbox. I will not step down off of it.

Five Year Anniversary

Five years ago today, my life was forever altered by someone who decided they would get behind the wheel of a car (F150 truck) while drunk and entered the north bound lane of I-75 going south and hit me head on. Unfortunately, there has not been one day in that five years that I have not thought about that day. Unfortunately, the pain I still feel with every step I take, makes it hard to forget. But I am also thankful eveyday that I have two legs to walk on. We fought hard to keep my left leg and I am so very grateful that God healed it to the degree he did.

Time is interesting isn't it?? Someways it seems like five years was a lifetime ago and other ways it seems like it was just yesterday. I wish I could say that during these past 5 years that I have come to terms with it all, but I honestly still grieve the life that was taken away from me. I want that life back, but I know I can't have it. I am doing my best to embrace my "new normal" but I am not there yet.
I think that is one of the reasons I am looking forward to our move to Colorado Springs, it is a chance for a new start. No more driving on 75. Although I am nervous about finding a new orthopedist. I am just praying I won't need one. I go to see my orthopedist here April 22nd and hope that he gives me a great report and promising news about my future.

One of the things I will take with me is the memories of how wonderful all my friends and family have been! I could not have made this journey without the love and support of all of you! Especially all of your prayers!! The awesome thing about friends in the Lord is you know you will always have that love and support and they are there as prayer warriors anytime you need them. I am so very thankful for that.
I will be able to say as Paul did in Philippians 1:3-"I thank my God every time I remember you."

Celebrate Easter!!

Don't you just love Spring? I love the change of seasons and I love each of them for different reasons, but I have to confess that Spring is my absolute favorite. I love watching all of creation come back to life with all the brillance of colors! It is such a visual reminder to me of what my Lord Jesus has done for me. I was so very dead in my sin and He has given me Life. It wasn't till recently that I was contemplating the day that Jesus died and it came to me that Satan is not all knowing and He did not know that Jesus was going to rise from the dead. He actually thought He had won. That wasn't a new thought but what I visioned was when Jesus started to move and come back to life, can't you see Satan calling all his demon forces and them trying to keep Jesus down and Him breaking through and the victory that it was over Satan? No wonder He works so hard to keep so many from knowing the truth, and no wonder He works so hard on me to not live the life I have been called to live. 2 Corinthians 5:15-"Christ died for everyone. He died so that those who live should not live for themselves anymore. They should live for Christ. He died for them and was raised again." Thank you Lord Jesus that your death and ressurection did not just give me one time forgiveness, but every second, of every day forgiveness day after day because that is how often I need it!! Thank you for ALL the times you ressurect this dead heart and bring it back to life! This will be the first time in I don't even know how many years that I did not buy a new Easter dress. I decided that it was time to realize that Jesus did not die for me to have a new dress but to have a new heart.
My favorite Easter Song by Keith Green, one of the best Christian singers of all time.

LTC (Leadership Training For Christ)

For fifteen years Good Friday has always been busy loading up, driving to the hotel, unloading, organizing and waiting for kids to arrive to participate in Leadership Training For Christ. For the last five years I wasn't responsible for all the details but still tried to be a part of the weekend because it is something I really believe in. Helping kids discover their spiritual gifts and how valuable they are in the work of God just ignites my spirit. Tonight I listened to 15, 3rd to 4th grade girls read their Bibles for 2 minutes publicly. They were such a joy. You could tell from their voice inflections that many of them actually believed about the God they were reading about. I wrote on the bottom of each one of their score sheets "I hope you will Always love reading God's Word". You couldn't help but wonder what life would bring to each one of them in the years to come and if their roots would be deep enough to stand strong and withold all those storms? I hope so.
It doesn't matter if the kids do chorus, puppets, art, drama, speech, etc. every event has an opportunity to teach a spiritual message that will stay with each child for the rest of their lives. Look at some of the themes from past years.
Romans... I Am Not Ashamed
II Samuel...Chosen by the Lord
Luke...With God and Men
II Kings...Open Our Eyes
Revelation...He Shall Reign Forever and Ever
Genesis...In His Image
Matthew...Go
Life of Moses...Stand Firm
Luke...Lost and Found - Luke 15:32
Joshua, Judges, Ruth...Take the Lead - Judges 5:2
Acts...Unstoppable! - Acts 5:42
1 Samuel...Here I Am! - I Samuel 3:16
John...Light-Life-Word - John 1:1-5
2 Samuel...The Rock - 2 Samuel 22:2, 3, 32, 47

This year the theme was The Rock and here are the lyrics to the songs that we sang:

There is no rock, there is no God like our God
No other name worthy of all our praise
The rock of salvation that cannot be moved
He’s proven himself to be faithful and true
There is no rock, there is no God like ours

Rock of ages, Jesus is the Rock!
Rock of ages, Jesus is the Rock!
Rock of ages, Jesus is the Rock!
There is no Rock, there is no God like ours!

I'm standing on the rock of ages,
Safe from every storm that rages
Rich, but not from Satan's wages.
I'm standing on the solid rock.

Through my disappointments, strife and discontentment
I cast my every care on the Lord.
No matter what obsession, pain or deep depression
I'm standing on the solid rock.

Even though He's gone now, I don't feel alone now,
With comfort came the spirit of the Lord.
Now His hand will guide me from temptation hide me
I'm standing on the solid rock.

Now I'm pressing onward, each step leads me homeward
I'm trusting in my Savior day by day
Close is our relation, firm is it's foundation
I'm standing on the solid rock.

I'm standing on the rock of ages,
Safe from all the storm that rages
Rich, but not from Satan's wages.
I'm standing on the solid rock.

When my burdens heavy won’t you lead me to that rock
Lead me to that rock, yeah lead me to that rock
My load will be made lighter if you’ll lead me to that rock
It has been a shelter for me.

Lead me to that rock that is higher than I
Higher than I, so much higher than I
Lead me to that rock that is higher than I
It has been a shelter for me.

Now when the devil tempts me won’t you lead me to that rock
Lead me to that rock, yeah lead me to that rock
He can never defeat me if you’ll lead me to that rock
It has been a shelter for me

Lead me to that rock that is higher than I
Higher than I, so much higher than I
Lead me to that rock that is higher than I
It has been a shelter for me.

My prayer is many years from now when the sweet girls that sang this song face something that shakes their foundation that they will remember that God is their rock and He will help them stand firm.

In years past we had up to 50 kids participating in LTC. This year there were seven.
I confess that I am really struggling to understand why our young families are not supporting this great event?? There is time for dance lessons, gymnastics, year around sports, plays etc. but 6-8 weeks of an hour a week preparations for this event is too much? Many object to it being on Easter Weekend. I could understand that if I saw the majority of these families were particpating in Good Friday services and spending time in family devotionals contemplating the true meaning of Easter. Guess I am too judgemental, but Easter seems to be more about new Spring clothes and egg hunts and candy with a little Jesus on the side. Then I stop and see how 10,000 children participate in LTC each year (don't know how many families that is, but last year it was 489 churches) and I realize somewhere people do embrace the value of LTC and I am thankful. Then I think of my sweet friends the Deans who have a daugther who is participating in her 2nd LTC this year and how excited they are about it...their sweet Gillian is confined to a wheel chair and has a major seizure disorder. She doesn't speak but can light up a room with her smile and yet she completed the service project segment of LTC because her parents were intentional about taking her to visit others and brightening their day, and then tomorrow she will do signing for the deaf and be part of their chorus. Her parents are at a church that values what kids can learn through the LTC experience and where everyone from young to old gets involved to support it. Did I hurt for my girls singing tonight that there were only six people in the room cheering them on? You betcha! But I hurt most for all of those who weren't there to be blessed by listening to these sweet girls sing about their love for the Lord.

LTC has been around since 1960 and keeps growing, so I think it will be around for a long time. And I am glad to know there are many other adults that will continue to keep the legacy alive. Best of all who knows perhaps those girls I was with today will actually be coordinating their churches LTC one day.

This was WAY too long for anyone to read, but I just needed to express my heart as this will probably be my last LTC unless someone brings it to Colorado. If only I was younger :-)

Colorado Springs

Well, if everything continues to proceed okay, we should be living in Colorado Springs by the middle of May. After a couple of months of being up in the air and not being sure whether we should move, we made the jump to do it. We really wanted to be in Denver to be closer to family but after some time looking there, we just couldn't afford the housing prices there. Steve and I could have probably found a condo to be content with but there was nothing for my mother and father, and we are moving them as well. So when we discovered Colorado Springs was so much cheaper, we decided an hour away was alot better than the 14 hours we are now. We were able to find us a nice house and my parents a nice condo and things have fallen into place so far for us to sign contracts on those, and to sell our places here as well.
Now the fun begins as I have to begin deciding what goes and what stays. Since the new house is about 500 square feet smaller, I will definitely need to downsize. Also, I have pretty much had the same decorations for 20 years, so I think it is time to envision something new. But what?? And the truth of the matter is after all the moving expenses there won't be a lot left over for decorating.

I wish God had made all of this a little clearer for us. It seemed that everywhere we turned we hit an obstacle and we were beginning to think that His answer was "no", but then things worked out. I hope that wasn't us ignoring all the signs and just wanting our way?? But then there were parts that were just too good to be true, like having 2 cash buyers for our place and my mom's who are buying our places as is. Then when the bank pre-approved my mom for a loan, it just seemed it was meant to be.

It is kind of scary thinking about moving to where we don't know anyone, but have done it many times before and God has always been good to provide great friends wherever I have gone, so I am trusting Him to do it again. Colorado Springs isn't really what I had in mind in retiring to "small town America", but it is a pretty city. I really love that all day long wherever you drive you can see the mountains. Pikes Peak is really pretty. There are four churches within 10 minutes of every direction so we will see where the Lord will be able to use us the most.

I think Steve is going to love the fact that there is a plethora of aircraft in the skies at all times. With two Airforce bases there, he will have a ball. A program at one of the churches is "adopt a cadet". That would be fun.

So thought I would post some pictures of the new house, because I doubt I will have any more time to blog before we move.


Yes that is a view of the mountains from my patio :-)

Conversations Cafe

This past weekend we had another R.E. Ladies Retreat, which we called Conversation’s Café. We decorated in a café style and had our speakers talk around that theme with
“Conversations with the owner”, “Conversations with each other” and “Conversations With the World”. This is my third Ladies Retreat to be the chairman of the committee and it is always such a fun process to see how God brings a plan together and blesses it.
You start off at that first meeting just brain storming ideas and praying and as the weeks and months progress, He just gives you such clarity. He always brings together the perfect team with the diversity of gifts that are needed. Imagine if everyone’s gift were the same how all the different pieces would get accomplished? Then He brings together the perfect gathering of women. We never worry about “how many” women register, because we totally trust God to bring the women He wants to be there. This year once again God did not disappoint and blessed this retreat in definite Ephesians 3:20 ways!
Thank you God! We are so grateful for Your blessing and Your presence!! I have been going to retreats for more than 30 years and I can honestly say I don’t ever remember coming home from one and wishing I had not gone. But I will confess the thing I have missed on the last 3 retreats is having time to just hang with friends. When you are on the committee, you are so busy with all the logistics, that you don’t get as much time to just visit. I was looking back through some pictures someone sent today and thought “I didn’t get to visit with her, or her, or her”. One blessing I do think a lot of women miss out on at retreats is meeting new people and getting to know them. I guess just by human nature we tend to “hang” with the people we know best and even though we spend most of our time with those people already, at a retreat we want to spend more time with them. You try to build in some times where groups are mixed up and people get to know others a little better, but still for me it never seems to be enough. I tend to eat with a different group every meal, and sit by a different person each session and this seems like the right thing to do. Yet when I come home I just don’t feel like I had good “friend time”. Guess that has been because for several years now I don’t just have one good friend or what many would call a “bff”. But I do have a lot of different women I love talking to, just not so much to “hang” with.
Okay…that was totally off the topic of what I thought I was blogging about which was the way God blessed this retreat. More than some retreats of the past, this retreat had a lot of laughter. Laughter is such good medicine. I learned something new about Angela Tooley and that is she is a comedian, she was a great Julia Childs!

We did a skit about “Rejected Retreat Themes” such as “News Extra: It’s Not All About Me”, “I Will Survive/God’s Plan for Disco”, “Is God in your Wigwam”, “Yodeling for Yahweh” and “Hope: One day Madonna Will Sag Too.” We had props or costumes for each, and that was good for some laughs as well.

All in all it was a perfect mix of good times, spiritual renewal and lots of great food. Robin Kelly provided some awesome meals and a scrumptious dessert menu.
Look at this feast:

So not just physical but spiritual. Thank you God for showing up and conversing with us all in such a special way.

A Glimpse of Heaven

In my last post I told you that Jenny Bizaillion had won her reward and was home with God. On Thursday Steve and I were blessed to attend her memorial celebration. Amazingly her brothers Josh and Jonathan performed the service. Josh lead the praise and worship and Jonathan didn't really preach, but talked about Jenny and the hope she had in the Lord. God empowered both of them to bring honor to their sister in a most difficult time. There have been very few moments in my life where I experienced worship the way I did in that service. The Holy Spirit was spilling all over that room. You could feel God's presence in such a strong way. There was a moment at the end of the service where we were all asked to bow. During his prayer Jonathan said something like "God, we have asked that you keep Satan away from this place today, but right now I ask you to reveal this room to him and let him see that he did not win, You did." At that moment I could see heaven and the way that it is going to be when every knee bows down and claims that Jesus is Lord. I can't wait for that day!
Seems that funerals always cause me to be more reflective of my life. Perhaps because you don't want to die knowing you didn't do all that you want to do. I wanted to be closer to God than ever before and realized that is not going to happen unless I start spending more time with Him. And that is only going to happen if I turn the television off. So for the next 30 days I am going to make a committment to not turn on the television until 5 p.m. every day. (well maybe not on Saturdays)
The time I normally spend on the computer and watching T.V. I am going to spend reading the stack of books I have, beginning with Randy Alcorn's book "If God Is Good." Too....I will get up in the morning and only spend 30 minutes on the computer (checking emails and FB status) Then I can't get on it till after 5:00 as well. I will be posting about what I am reading and what God is saying to me. I am anticipating that the next 30 days will be life transforming. I love the song "Ancient Words", perhaps my heart will truly embrace the lyrics in the days to come.
Ancient Words


(Michael W. Smith)


Holy words long preserved
for our walk in this world,
They resound with God's own heart.
Oh let the ancient words impart


Words of Life, words of Hope
Give us strength, help us cope
In this world, where e'er we roam
Ancient words will guide us Home.

CHORUS:
Ancient words ever true
Changing me and changing you,
We have come with open hearts
Oh let the ancient words impart

Holy words of our Faith
Handed down to this age
Came to us through sacrifice
Oh heed the faithful words of Christ.

Holy words long preserved
For our walk in this world.
They resound with God's own heart
Oh let the ancient words impart.

We have come with open hearts
Oh let the ancient words impart

Home Free

In my last post I mentioned Jenny Bizaillion and her physical struggle. She lost her earthly battle but won her heavenly reward yesterday afternoon. I know that when we die in Christ it should really be a celebration, but I also hurt for her husband, child, and the rest of her family who have to continue life without her. I was talking with God and just expressing my confusion as to why one would have to suffer so and a family have to endure watching that suffering when she was going to lose the battle anyway? It just seems cruel. But I do know the cruelty of it all wasn't from God but from our enemy Satan who wants to steal our joy. Yes, for some reason God allows it, but I lay the blame where it belongs and it makes me more eager than before to see Satan get his "final due".

As God so often does in my life, I was reminded of this song from the past by Wayne Watson.

In I'm trying hard not to think you unkind
But Heavenly Father
If you know my heart
Surely you can read my mind
Good people underneath the sea of grief
Some get up and walk away
Some will find ultimate relief

Chorus
Home Free, eventually
At the ultimate healing we will be Home Free
Home Free, oh Ive got a feeling
At the ultimate healing
We will be Home Free

Out in the corridors we pray for life
A mother for her baby, A husband for his wife
Sometimes the good die young
It's sad but true
And while we pray for one more heartbeat
The real comfort is with you

You know pain has little mercy
And suffering's no respecter of age, of race or position
I know every prayer gets answered
But the hardest one to pray is slow to come
Oh Lord, not mine, but Thy will be done

Let it be...

Home Free, eventually
At the ultimate healing we will be Home Free
Home Free, oh Ive got a feeling
At the ultimate healing
We will be Home Free

Where Are You God?

Don't know about you, but there are just times in my life when I have to ask "where are you God?". My head knows He is everywhere. My knowledge knows He is right beside me, but my feelings are "where are you?" Why is it when you are begging for clarification things just seem to get blurrier?? Why is it when you are begging for healing things just seem to get worse?? I have asked for peace and yet peace evades me. It is just so hard to understand. Jesus said he came to give life abundantly, so why is this life so much of the time such a struggle? I know that we don't have the promise that life will be easy, but during these times when the enemy comes against you in such a powerful way I just wish I was stronger. "Resist the devil and he will flee from you". Really?? I yell "Satan, leave me alone" but he is not fleeing. I pray "in the name of Jesus, I tell you to leave" and yet he continues to attack. In the midst of my own disappointment and weariness of the last couple of weeks I have been following the Carepages of Jenny Bizaillion who has been fighting for her life for 14 days. Today over 7,000 times people have posted prayers and thoughts for healing. We thought she was getting better, then she had to have both of her legs amputated below the knee because of gangrene. The last couple of days we thought she was getting better again and now the sepsis is in her brain and causing seizures. How can that be with so many prayers going up for her?? I don't have the answers, I just keep saying to myself "I will trust you Lord, I will trust you Lord. I don't understand, but I trust you Lord." Do you hear me Satan? I will trust the Lord even when He seems silent. I will trust the Lord and not lean on my own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

To Move Or Not To Move??

I am home from my Denver house hunting trip. What an emotional roller coaster that was! I thought I was at peace with the decision not to buy, until I got home and realized that it means I am not moving. Sometimes change just seems good for the sake of change I think. But I am trying to embrace Philippians 4:11-12. Contentment has never been my strong suit. And it is no surprise to anyone who has read my blog for awhile that waiting for God isn't my strong suit either. This time though the part of the puzzle that I just don't understand is why God would have sent an unsolicited buyer for my house who was offering cash "as is". That just doesn't happen very often and we thought it was such a blessing. So I felt a little like Abraham in that God said "go" but in my particular case he didn't provide the "where". It's not like we can just keep our buyer hanging without a definite answer. So once again I feel like I have hit what a friend of mine calls a faith bump. It is amazing when you give Satan a small opening how he turns it into a wide gap. So all day long this is the song that has been coming to my mind and I have been singing "Do I Trust You Lord" by Twila Paris.

Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I know the answers, I've given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don't mean much to me.
This time there's only one thing I've got to know.

Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord.
I will trust You.

Please help me to also be content.

House Hunting

Boy! Who knew buying a house in the Denver area would be so hard! Houses are so much more expensive here than in the Dallas area. Even though I don't mind downsizing, I don't want to buy a 30 year old house for my 30 year future. I am trying my best to trust that God has already picked our house out and knows how it is always going to work out. I just wish He could make it all clearer. One thing I have discovered, is don't go look at things you can't afford because it just makes the process harder. My emotions jumped on the 2nd house(condo) we saw because it was better than anything I had seen in a month on the internet. However, I don't know if I could see myself living there 30 years from now and there were at least 1,000+ other condos in the area. Not my idea of a neighborhood. So I had to back up and get realistic. Besides it had no features that Steve was wanting and a lot he did not. It did have a great view of the mountains. I have decided to give up on the perfect mountain view knowing that in an hour I can drive up into the mountains. Right now it is all about trying to find something that doesn't stretch us beyond our means. It is so easy to get caught up in what you want and not what you actually need. It is easy for me to be envious of others and wonder how they can afford such a nice home. Steve and I have worked hard over our lives and it just seems like we should have more money tucked away for a day like this, but it is mostly my fault we don't because I am a really bad saver of money. Too it is crazy that in retirement our health insurance is more than a house payment!! Doesn't seem quite right that you work all those years to retire to pay for your medical insurance. Anyway....my nature is to get negative and I really do need to count my blessings and be grateful for what the Lord has given me. So I have to quite frequently say "get behind me Satan". Hopefully in the near future I will be able to post how God blessed this process beyond all I could have asked or imagined.

Blindside

Last week I went to see the movie "Blindside". I wasn't sure about going because so many people had raved about it I did not want to be disappointed. Often that seems to be the way it is, I don't tend to like the movies others like and visa versa. But this was one time the raves lived up to the movie. It was a great movie with a great message. I couldn't help but want to watch the Baltimore Ravens play yesterday, just to see Michael Oher now.

If only there were more Tuohy's in the world. People who saw beyond color to need and rose up to meet that need. I love the line when one of her friends says to Leigh Anne "I bet you are teaching him alot" and she says "no, he is teaching me alot." That is always the way God works; when you think you are blessing other people,it is actually you that is blessed.

There is one problem I had with this movie and that was their protrayal of Christians. I am sure that Leigh Anne Tuohy is a force to be reckoned with and is an advocate for her children and Michael, but I don't think she would do it in a way that dishonored God by using the same foul language that others used on her. When the family prays over Thanksgiving dinner, there is no mention of Jesus or praying in His name. I can't imagine that is the way the Tuohy's say their prayers.

Typical Hollywood. Come close to presenting Christianity as it is, but keeping the reason we all live the way we do out of the movie. They said the Tuohy's practice Christianity without being preachy. St. Francis of Assisi said "preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words". Yes, we all should have lives are reflective of the Lord of our lives. But not once in this movie does it show the Tuohy's gaining strength to live that life in prayer or in community with other believers. Maybe I am unrealistic and this is the best Hollywood can do.

What I find really interesting is when people say to me "didn't you just love that movie?" and I say "yes....but..." They reply, "oh, I didn't really notice that Jesus name was never mentioned". Maybe, just maybe it is because so many of us live life everyday without mentioning His name. Yes, I am talking about myself too.

Home Going

Today I attended the "home going" of an 82 year old sweet sister in Christ. Don't you just love that thought?? Homegoing. I had always heard of homecomings, but not homegoings. Everyone handles grief differently. But the husband and children of Nita Lee understood that the end of life is a time of celebration. Today we celebrated Nita's life with some of her favorite things, including a man playing "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes. I didn't know Nita very well, because about the time she and her husband came to R.E. I had my wreck and as I recovered she got worse in her on health. It has only been in the last year that I had a few conversations with her. My last memory will be running into her and James at Panera Bread and James was indulging her by letting her go back to the counter and order some sweets. She was like a child in a candy store, as all the sweets were so appealing to her. I had to order and didn't see what she ordered, but I just remember her delight in choosing.

I never can attend a funeral without contemplating my own death. I hope that my memorial service will also be a great time of celebration. I am glad that those that love me can have confidence that I have lived my life with the Lord at the center of it. No, I am not perfect and will not have been when I die, but I will be covered by the blood of my Savior and He will make me perfect.

One thing did make me really sad today. As Steve and I contemplate moving it dawned on me that there will be many of my dear senior saints that I have spent the last ten years with and won't be here to see their "home going". While that makes me sad, what makes me glad?? That I will see them again at the feet of my Savior some day. I live my life for heavenly reuinions.

Jesus said..."I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies;and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" John 11:25-26 Yes, Lord I do!!

Rest In Peace

Tonight we went to a visitation of a sweet sister from church. She and her husband had been married for 60 years! I cannot even imagine how lost you feel after spending 60 years with someone and then there not there. It was sweet hearing him telling stories about the woman he loves.

In the last week or so there have been several deaths of people much younger. To me death is harder when it is not what is expected. In other words when you are 80 or 90 each extra day you have is a blessing, but no one thinks a 15 year old or an 18 year old are going to die.

Now that Facebook is such a popular way to stay connected, people post all sorts of things. But I have noticed a lot of people post "Rest In Peace" (RIP)after someone dies. I realize that most people mean well, but what exactly are we saying when we say "rest in peace"? It almost sounds like it is in the dead person's control to make sure they are resting in peace. Like we can will someone to rest in peace??

The truth of the matter when you are in Christ Jesus when you die, there is no doubt that the person is resting in the arms of the one who is perfect peace. Our life is over, there is nothing we can do. We don't have to wish someone peace, they are at peace. Unfortunately, if they are not in Christ then you can say "rest in peace" all you want and it won't do any good because that person is not going to have peace now or forever. It is a terrible thought.

Look at all the verses that promise us we have peace in Jesus Christ.
John 14:27
John 16:33
Romans 3:17
Romans 5:1
Romans 15:13
Ephesians 2:14
Philippians 4:7
2 Peter 1:2

Then these are all the verses that say God himself is Peace:
Romans 15:33
Philippians 4:9
I Thessalonains 5:23
Hebrews 13:20
Revelation 1:5

So maybe I am being nit picky but I think the better thing to say would be "I am glad you are at peace" or "thanks for the memories" or best of all "rest in God".

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way."
2 Thessalonians 3:16

The SON

I am sitting here all nice in warm in my house on a really cold day looking at the sun beaming through my sun room windows. It made me think how deceiving it looks. It is such a bright sunshiney day that it looks like I should just be able to walk outside and sit on the deck. But it is only 27 degrees outside today. I thought of two different spiritual truths that this represents to me.

First, is this not the perfect picture of the SON?? He brings light into the darkness. He brightens our lives. He brings the warmth of His love into our hearts. The SON radiates and reveals what is hidden. We are drawn to the SON.

On the other hand on a day like today the sun is also somewhat like Satan in that it is actually disguising what is really happening. We think the sun warms things up and when it is shining brightly we just assume it will be warm outside, but on days like today, even though it looks like things should be warm, it isn't. Satan is the biggest deceiver of all. He makes things appear appealing and we walk into his trap.

The lesson for me??? Is it is always in my realm of control which way I look at things. I hope more and more I will see the SON and bask in all that He has to radiate on me.

"The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever." (Revelation 22:3-5

Christ In Christmas

When we were in Omaha for Thanksgiving I went to Parables Christian Bookstore and found a book entitled "25 Days 26 Ways. To Make This Your Best Christmas" by Ace Collins. It was an enlightening book. If we are intentional about keeping Christ in Christmas then you can find Him in all the Christmas traditions: wreaths, lights, card giving....even shopping! I tried to put some of the thoughts into practice. One of the things I plan on doing in future years is getting rid of my Santa Clauses and replacing them with nativity scenes or things that will remind me more of the reason for the season.

One change I made this year is I replaced my angel on top of my tree with a star. In reading Brock and Bodie Thoene's book "Why A Star" and Ace Collins chapter on Lights, I realized that perhaps God used a star to announce Christ's birth because Christ was going to bring light into darkness. I wanted a star on top of my tree to remind me that I also am to be light in a world of darkness.

The other thing I had never considered, is perhaps the shepherds were the first to get the announcement that Christ was born, not just because they were lowly, but because Jesus would himself be the Good Shepherd, and the lamb.

One of the things I discovered is that there is even a spiritual explanation for the "12 Days of Christmas". First of all the 12 days of Christmas actually started on Christmas day and continued to the day of Epiphany (January 6th)
From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.

The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus Christ, the Son of God. In the song, Christ is symbolically presented as a mother partridge which feigns injury to decoy predators from her helpless nestlings, much in memory of the expression of Christ's sadness over the fate of Jerusalem: "Jerusalem! Jerusalem! How often would I have sheltered thee under my wings, as a hen does her chicks, but thou wouldst not have it so..."

The other symbols mean the following:

2 Turtle Doves = The Old and New Testaments
3 French Hens = Faith, Hope and Charity, the Theological Virtues
4 Calling Birds = the Four Gospels and/or the Four Evangelists
5 Golden Rings = The first Five Books of the Old Testament, the "Pentateuch", which gives the history of man's fall from grace.
6 Geese A-laying = the six days of creation
7 Swans A-swimming = the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments
8 Maids A-milking = the eight beatitudes
9 Ladies Dancing = the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit
10 Lords A-leaping = the ten commandments
11 Pipers Piping = the eleven faithful apostles
12 Drummers Drumming = the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle's Creed


Now SNOPES says that this is not true, but I for one will not sing this song again without remembering a possible alternate meaning. I found a post by Dennis Bratcher that I tend to agree with "However, many have questioned the historical accuracy of this origin of the song The Twelve Days of Christmas. While some have trying to debunk this as an "urban myth" out of personal agendas, others have tried to deal with this account of the song's origin in the name of historical accuracy (see Snopes on The 12 Days of Christmas). There is little "hard" evidence available either way. Some church historians affirm this account as basically accurate, while others point out apparent historical and logical discrepancies.

However, we need to acknowledge that the "evidence" on both sides is mostly in logical deduction and probabilities. Lack of positive evidence does not automatically provide negative evidence. One internet site devoted to debunking hoaxes and legends says that, "there is no substantive evidence to demonstrate that the song 'The Twelve Days of Christmas' was created or used as a secret means of preserving tenets of the Catholic faith, or that this claim is anything but a fanciful modern day speculation. . .." What is omitted is that there is no "substantive evidence" that will disprove it either.

It is certainly possible, in fact probable, that this view of the song is legendary or anecdotal. Without corroboration and in the absence of "substantive evidence," we probably should not take rigid positions on either side and turn the song into a crusade for personal opinions. That would do more to violate the spirit of Christmas than the song is worth. So, for the sake of historical accuracy, we need to acknowledge the likelihood that the song had secular origins.

However, on another level, this should not prevent us from using the song in celebration of Christmas. Many of the symbols of Christianity were not originally religious, including even the present date of Christmas, but were appropriated from contemporary culture by the Christian Faith as vehicles of worship and proclamation. Perhaps, when all is said and done, historical accuracy is not really the point. Perhaps more important is that Christians can celebrate their rich heritage, and God's grace, through one more avenue this Christmas. Now, when they hear what they once thought was only a secular "nonsense song," they will be reminded in one more way of the grace of God working in transforming ways in their lives and in our world. After all, is that not the meaning of Christmas anyway?"

I'm Back

So don't know that anyone will see this, but I have decided to blog again. Probably won't be everyday,but we will see what happens.

Today has been a hard day. Usually, the day after Christmas is a depressive time for me, today was not so much so. Probably because the focus of today was not on me but others. I visited three different people who had to spend Christmas in the hospital, passing room after room of other people who had to be in the hospital and nurses who were having to work to care for these people. Most of these people do not occupy my thoughts most of the time, but the did today. And it has caused me to ask my Father for forgiveness. There are so many sick people that I have procrastinated visiting. My good intentions don't quite do the trick. I remember all too well how important visitors were when I was in the hospital. It was not only important to feel you weren't forgoten, but it really helped pass the time. So you think I would be better at living out the lesson for others. I think the reason I procrastinate is because I think I have to have the "right" words to say actually knowing there are no right words. I have no answers as to why God allows suffering. I keep wanting a pat answer, but there is none.

One of the sweet ladies I visited today has been put in a nursing home because she needs antibiotics by IV every six hours and has no insurance for home health care. It was so sad to see this 40 something woman in this facility with so many elderly people who can not take care of themselves. But if that were not enough, while her mother was visiting this morning she felt like she was having a heart attack and they had to call 911 who transported her to the hospital, one block away and now she is in the hospital as well. I just want to say "excuse me God, I know you are God and I am not, but this makes no sense. Is not Lorna having it hard enough without this happening? How can this be for any good? But I do know you are God and I am not and you have promised you will cause ALL things to work out together for good". That is enough.

I tried to do more of Advent this year, but was not very successful, a little here and there, but definitely not every day. But studying for three lessons for the ladies class I teach taught me a lot more about the Adevnt season and celebration. One thing I learned that Advent is not just about the "coming" of Jesus' birth but also about His second coming. Days like today make me more eager than ever for that day to come. Heaven, where there is no pain, no sickness, no sorrow but just perfection in total fellowship with our Father, Son and Spirit. Unfortnately, I don't spend near enough time anticipating that day and being eager for it to come. Years ago there was a song by Newsong called "Fingertips and Noses" that I loved. I hope that more and more in the days, weeks and months again that I will capture this spirit.

Up in the hills somewhere in Kentucky
In a little old school way back in the nothing
Where special kids born with special needs
Are sent to learn life's ABCs

Their teacher, Mrs. Jones, tells them all about Jesus
How in the twinkling of an eye He's coming back to get us
About streets of gold and pearly gates
How they want to go, they just can't wait
And she can't keep them in their seats
They're all at the windows straining to see

And it's
Fingertips and noses pressed to the windowpanes
Longing eyes, expectant hearts for Him to come again
All they know is that they love Him so
And if He said He'd come, He's coming
And they can't keep their windows clean
For fingertips and noses

She tried to explain to the kids about His coming
She tried to calm them down, but they just wouldn't listen
They just giggled and they clapped their hands
They're so excited that He's coming for them
And the first thing you know they're out of their seats
Back at the windows straining to see

Where will Jesus find us when He comes again?
Will we be like little children waiting just for Him?

With our
Fingertips and noses pressed to the windowpanes
Longing eyes, expectant hearts for Him to come again
All we know is that we love Him so
And if He said He'd come, He's coming
And we can't keep our windows clean
For our fingertips and noses