Blogging Through The Alphabet:  D is for Death and Delight

Seems like I am not on the same page as those Blogging Through The Alphabet at http://throughthecalmandthroughthestorm.blogspot.com/2015/10/blogging-through-alphabet.html, but I will just keep doing what comes to my mind.  I know seeing the word DEATH as my "D" word might seem rather surprising.  Yesterday I  spent some time with a sweet lady by the name of Mina who has been in hospice for awhile.  They have notified her daughter that she could pass on to the next life at any time.  Mina is a sweet woman who has lived a full life and dearly loves her Lord, Jesus Christ.  But she is concerned because as she said in her own words "I don't know how to die."

I have been thinking about those words since I heard them and I had to ask myself "do any of us know how to die?"  It isn't something we have mastered or have experience with.  But I do think we can take some time to think about it ahead of time.  I do think that those of us who believe that there is something after this life have more to contemplate than those that think you just die and that's it, there is nothing else.  How would you face death then?  But for me, I think those of us that believe there is a better life awaiting us, one in which we get to walk and talk with God for eternity have a lot to contemplate.  We live our lives understanding that this world is not our home.  I do think sometimes we are too attached to this world and we don't set our hearts on things above, as we are told to do in Colossians 3:1-2, "...set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."  We should all be looking forward to our death and the time where we will be with Jesus.  Death is just the door we have to go through to move into our new life, where all will be complete and perfect.

Unfortunately because we live in a world in which sin has caused things to be less than perfect, too many people have to go through some terrible suffering before their reward.  Mina has been in some terrible pain for a few months.  They have tried to give her medications to help, but they couldn't ever come up with anything that would totally take it away.  If you know anyone who has had to journey the cancer battle, it can also be very painful as it progresses.  I remember being by my father in the last days of his life and not understanding why he was having to suffer so much when God could just take him home?  I have still do not have answers to that question, but it made me all the more glad when his time did come to know that he was no longer in pain.  Perhaps that is the reason, to make us be glad our loved ones have been set free.  Otherwise, we would want them to stay with us forever.

So what does it mean to die well?  Mina, my dad and many others have showed me how to do that.  All they can do is talk about wanting to see Jesus.  While they are in terrible pain, that is not their focus.  They want scriptures read to them, they want music sung to them, they want to talk about their Jesus.    Which brings me to my other "D" word DELIGHT.  When Jesus is the Lord of your life you can delight in Him and delight in death.

Today in Bible Study Fellowship we looked at Revelation, Chapter 5.  It is centered around the throne of God.

“Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain,

    to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength

    and honor and glory and praise!”

Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, saying:

“To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb

    be praise and honor and glory and power,

                                        for ever and ever!”

Last week in Chapter 4 we read:

Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying:

“‘Holy, holy, holy

is the Lord God Almighty,’[b]

who was, and is, and is to come.”

  Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:

  

“You are worthy, our Lord and God,

    to receive glory and honor and power,

for you created all things,

    and by your will they were created

    and have their being.”

Who wouldn't want to be a part of that scene?  So keep your eyes on the prize, and remember this world is not our home.  Remember you have a Savior that went to the cross and conquered Death, so that you wouldn't have to and you can actually Delight in the the knowledge that you will be in His presence one day and will worship Him for eternity!!

 P.S.  Would you please say a prayer for sweet Mina, that she will just close her eyes and wake up in Jesus' arms and that will happen soon!!!

Blogging Through The Alphabet: "C" is for CLARITY

So for the letter "C" for today's Blogging Through the Alphabet, what came to my mind was Clarity.
My Facebook page has been flooded today with people posting concerns and negative remarks about Obama's plan to bring Syrian refugees into the United States.  Some have said 10,000 and others have said 100,000 and I didn't go out to research the actual amount.  The numbers don't matter that much to me.  What matters to me is the fear that is hindering people from seeing the need. 

 I understand the fear in light of the terrorist attacks that we have seen in recent days/weeks/months.  But I am wrestling with what would God want us to do with the families that have had to leave their homes to escape the terror on their own lives and their efforts to protect their own families? I have seen a lot of comments that it is mostly men, but not in the pictures I have been seeing.

  
So all I know to do is pray for clarity.  I am asking God to give our leaders wisdom.  I am asking Him to give us leaders who believe in prayer and seek His direction before making decisions.  Then I am asking Him if we are to take the refugees into our country, states, cities and homes that He make that abundantly clear to all of us.

There are several verses that speak to God's heart for refugees, here are just a few:

• Jeremiah 7:4-12 (NRSV)  Do not trust in these deceptive words: “This is the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord.” For if you truly amend your ways and your doings, if you truly act justly one with another, if you do not oppress the alien, the orphan, and the widow, or shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not go after other gods to your own hurt, then I will dwell with you in this place, in the land that I gave of old to your ancestors forever and ever.
• Zechariah 7:10 (NRSV) do not oppress the widow, the orphan, the alien, or the poor; and do not devise evil in your hearts against one another.
• Malachi 3:5 (NRSV) Then I will draw near to you for judgment; I will be swift to bear witness against the sorcerers, against the adulterers, against those who swear falsely, against those who oppress the hired workers in their wages, the widow and the orphan, against those who thrust aside the alien, and do not fear me, says the Lord of hosts.

I also pray that people can have discussions without condemning each other for opposing views.  Guess that would be another "c" word :-)  May God keep His promise to us all "if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

I also have faith in God's ability to provide Clarity by keeping another promise " If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5 (for me wisdom is another word for clarity)

Father God, give us Your eyes and Your heart.  May we not dismiss those who are in need, but please show us the way to help them and not be filled with fear of the evil that might come along with that.  Our sincerest prayer is that Satan and his evils works will be defeated in the name of our Lord and Savior who has already conquered him.  Thank you, Father! Amen.

Blogging Through the Alphabet: B is for ?

So you will have to read pretty far into my post to see what my letter "B" is for this week of  Blogging Through The Alphabet.  Sticking with my first week theme of a name.  I thought I would just mention some Bible names (oops guess that is also a "B", but not the one I am using for this post :-) )

I think it was Shakespeare who asked "What's In A Name"?  Parents spend a lot of time thinking of a name for their child.  Some kids just get a name that is being passed on and they end up being a Junior.  Always wondered why girls couldn't be a Junior?  I digress.  Anyway in the Bible names actually had meanings attached to them.  Here are some examples:

Some names that were true to their characters:

• Abraham-father of many nations (Ge 17:5)
• Adam-man; human being; red (color of earth) (Ge. 2:19)
• Eve-life;living (Ge. 3:20)
• Ezekiel-God will strengthen (Ez. 1:3)
• Daniel-God is my judge (1 Chr. 3:1)
• David-Believed (Ru. 4:17)
• Gabriel-man of God (Da. 8:16)
• Jacob-supplantar; deceiver, trickster (Ge. 25:26)
• Hannah-grace (1 Sa. 1:2)
• Israel — he will reign with God; he that fights with God; God fights; soldier of God (Ge 32:28)
• Lazarus-God has helped (Luke 16:20)
• Moses-drawn out of the waters (Ex. 2:10)
• Timothy-honoring or worshiping God (2 Co. 1:1)

Who wouldn't want this name based on the meaning? (although I haven't heard of many of them)

• Dara-pearl of wisdom (1 Ch. 2:6)
• Dodavah-love of Jehovah (2 Ch. 20:37)
• Elizaphan-God protects (Nu.3:30)
• Ezekias-Jehovah is strong; strength of Jehovah (Mat. 1:9)
• Hasadiah-whom Jehovah loves; Jehovah is kind (1 Chr. 3:20)
• Ismaiah — Jehovah hears (1Ch. 12:4).
• Jedidiah-beloved of Jehovah (2 Sa. 12:25)
• Jehozabad-Jehovah has given or bestowed (2 Ki. 12:21)
• Joanna-Jehovah has favored (Luke 3:27)
• Tabeal-God is good (Isa.7:6)

Who would want this name?

• Chesil-fool; (fat?) (Jos. 15:30)
• Chozeba-decietful (1 Chr. 4:22)
• Dibri-wordy (Le. 24:11)
• Doeg-fearful; timid;anxious (I Sa. 21:7)
• Gareb-scabby (2 Sa. 23:38)
• Hathath-terror (1 Ch 4:13)
• Hulday-weasel (2 Ki. 22:14)
• Ikkesh-perverse (2 Sa. 23:26)
• Leah-fatigued; wearied (Ge 29:16)
• Mahli-sickly;sick;weak (Nu.3:20)
• Marah-bitterness (Ex. 15:23)

My niece is named Danette Lynn.  It means so much that my sister chose to name her daughter after me.  I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit that she has a little extra space in my heart because of that.

So all of this is to reveal my "B" word........BESSIELYN....that is my name :-)  I was named after my maternal grandmother, Bessie Mae.  When I was a freshman in high school I dropped my name to Lynn (and added an "n"?) just because people were always mispronouncing my name or shortening it to Bessie, which I never liked because of a mean boy in the 6th grade that told me Bessie was the name of Mrs O'Leary's cow that started the 1871 Chicago fire.  Interesting how his story meant more to me than my sweet grandmother that I was named after?  The power of words!  Anyway, all of this leads me to think about my most important name "child of God".  That is who I am! And all because of a loving Savior who in some inconceivable way is also my brother! "Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." (Romans 8:17)

Blogging Through The Alphabet: Letter A

I used to blog quite frequently, but just got out of the habit and decided I would take up a challenge of a friend to spend the next 26 weeks blogging through the alphabet.

Blogging Through The Alphabet (you can read other people's post on the letter A here)

So I begin today with the letter A which will be for Adonai.  I have always enjoyed studying the different names for God.  We lose so much from the original languages that the Bible was written (Old Testament-Hebrew and New Testament-Greek).  They had many more names for God that reflected different aspects of His personality.  I was going to say what my favorite is, but I think I will keep any readers in suspense and reveal it with the letter E :-) 

The first use of the word Adonai in the Bible is found in Genesis 15:2 "But Abram said, “Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?" Adonai is the plural for the Hebrew word "adon" which translates to "my lord". Thus the word Adonai generally denotes the authority and exalted position of God. Primarily, as it pertains to God, Adonai stress God's relationship with man as Master, Authority and Provider.  If God is Adonai to you, He is the one to whom you submit or bow down; He is the Boss of your life. Adonai is the ultimate authority figure in your life and the One to whom you owe your complete allegiance.

So it begs us to question "Who's the boss of you?",  Most of us don't like to submit to anyone else.  Our culture cries out for us to be "our own person", be self sufficient.  How many times have we tried to see how close we can come to breaking the rules without really breaking them? Isn't our prison system filled with people that thought they could break the rules with no consequences?

It is easy to be submissive when we agree with the rules.  But when God is Adonai, you allow him to have total control and authority.  Your rules then become:

• "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." (Matthew 22:37)
•  "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44)
•  "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one      separate." (Matthew 19:6)
• "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" (Ephesians 6:1)
• "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." (Romans 12:10)

These are just of few of many.  But if we all submitted and did these five, how would our world be different?  If marriages were intact, children obeyed their parents, everyone loved their enemies and tried to outdo one another in showing honor?  It would be transforming.  That is is why it is important for those of us who call God, Adonai to be different.  We are called to be the light in the darkness.  Perhaps that would be easier to do if we remember who is the Master of our lives and what He asks us to submit to.  Who's your boss?

Tenth Anniversary Of Accident

Anniversary is usually a happy word.  Perhaps today isn't as much of an Anniversary as it a Memorial?  Ten years ago today a man chose to get behind the wheel of a car drunk and in his impaired judgment got on the 75 freeway in Dallas, Texas going south on the north bound lane. As you can see in this picture, that wasn't an easy feat, as it has a barrier down the middle, walls on each side and you would have to enter totally on the wrong side, not just cross over a median.

 It was 10:00 P.M., so it was dark, but still incomprehensible how this could happen, except it shows how impaired one can be when drunk behind the wheel.  He was driving a Ford F-150, I was in a Honda Accord.

My legs were crushed and I had several broken ribs.  Fortunately, no head injuries.  I spent 3 weeks in a medically induced coma and 6 months in rehab.

 Then there were another 2 years of surgeries and recoveries before life became my "new normal".

The scars tell the story.

 All those memories do come flooding back today.  But I thought in honor of the day I would list 10 positive things that came out of that day.

1. Where my accident happened was a blessing.  If it had been a mile further up the freeway or a mile behind, I would have been taken to another hospital.  As it was I was taken to Baylor hospital where it just so happened the premier trauma surgeon in Dallas just happened to be on call?  Any other hospital and it was fairly certain that my leg would have been amputated.  So while I may question at times why God didn't prevent my accident, I know that He couldn't control someone else's poor decision to drive drunk and I thank Him for making sure I would get the best help.  I am also thankful for the unknown angels that stopped and talked with me until the emergency workers could get there. They also called Steve and my mom to let them know what had happened.  I don't know who they were so I just call them my angels.

2.  I can honestly say through rehab and my recovery that "Never Once Did I Ever Walk Alone".  I could not have done it without the thousands of prayers that were going up for me.  God gave me the strength I needed for each step of the way.  I am forever thankful!

3.  I have been blessed with the most amazing caretaker ever!  My husband Steve sacrificed/sacrifices so much for me each and every day.  From bathing and putting lotion on me, to cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, taking me to doctor appointments, therapy appointments, giving me shots, hooking up IV's, etc. etc.  Then what Steve couldn't do my mother supplemented.  When Steve had to return to work, she stayed with me and took me to appointments, also cleaned my house, cooked and took great care of me!  All the while, my father was ill and she was caring for him too.

4.  I am thankful for my family. Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins (my grandparents were deceased) who though they didn't live in the Dallas area, all came to visit and then stayed in touch throughout my recovery.  Long before the days when Facebook makes it a little easier :-)

5.  My church family was absolutely AMAZING!  Where do I begin?  First of all the Church Administrator at the time knew to file this as a Workmen's Compensation case because I was coming home after being with a child in my ministry at the hospital.  It has meant Steve and I have not paid one penny of any of the expenses over the years!  Then my church elders committed to pay my a full salary, even though WC was paying 80%.  They bought me a laptop computer so that I could keep up with communications at home.  I had a Children's Ministry team that stepped up to the plate and covered all the basis so that the children/families would continue to have opportunities to learn and serve the Lord together.  The many visits, calls, cards and prayers were the best medicine possible. Ten years later and my heart is still touched by Bob Legan, who called and prayed for me every Tuesday afternoon on the phone.  For Bill Thoma who fasted and prayed every Saturday for 6 months! For Matalee Heflin, who at the age of 3, would call and sing songs for me over the phone. For my Supper Club friends who decorated my house for Christmas.  And too many more to list here.

6.  I am thankful for the skills and talents that God blessed Dr. Paul Freudigman with.  He didn't necessarily recognize they were from God.  But I thank God for the wisdom he had in using a Russian technique called and Illizarov Frame to save my leg.  Yes, I had to wear it two different times to get complete healing, but I am blessed with two legs and not living life in  a wheelchair.  Dr. F. did not have the best bedside manner, so I am also thankful for his assistant, Robin, who provided a more tender touch.  I have to admit, somewhere along the way in my 2 year treatment, Dr. Freudigman softened and would actually pat me on the shoulder :-)  I am thankful for all the nurses, and rehab staff that took such great care of me!

7.  I am actually thankful for rehab itself.  Sometimes it just takes putting things in perspective.  There were so many in rehab that were in far worse shape than I was.  My original roommate (before I got moved to a private room) had a head injury from being t-boned in an accident and they had to keep her in a caged bed because she was so irrational.  I made a friend named Mary who lost her battle to keep her leg and had to have it amputated.  There was a father of four (don't remember his name) whose children would come to visit him and he could not speak to them because he had had a stroke in his 30's, nor could he hug them because he did not have use of his arms.  The therapists were gentle but persistent in pushing me to do things I didn't think I could do, but were needed in order for me to gain strength and recover.  I wish I remembered all of their names. But thankful that there are people who feel called to be be therapist and the work that they do!

8.  I am thankful for contemporary Christian music!  And thankful for CD players and headphones.  Again no Ipod's ten years ago...isn't that amazing?  But the music would soothe my soul and the lyrics would help me to worship God in the midst of the storm.  I especially listened over and over to the CD my children's ministry friends made me.  At the time I was a part of a Children's Ministry Network of other children's ministers in the Dallas/Fort Worth area and we would meet once a month to "pick each other's brains" and for fellowship.  They became wonderful friends.  They got together and each contributed their favorite song and put them on a CD for me and then wrote a description of why that song was important to them.  It was a priceless treasure!

9.  I am thankful for Church Mutual my workman's compensation insurance, who has really taken very good care of me!  From the get go they have given me everything I have needed to have the best quality of life.  They remodeled our house and made it handicap friendly.  Tearing up carpet and putting in wood floors so a wheel chair would be easily managed.  They remodeled the master bath so that I would have a walk in shower and be able to use my wheelchair at the vanity and toilet.  They would have remodeled the kitchen, making cabinets lower, but I didn't think that was necessary.  They put rails on my pool so that I could do water therapy.  They provided a power chair so that once I returned to work I could get around the halls of the church building easier than a wheel chair. They even offered to buy us a new van to transport the chair, but thinking I wouldn't be incapacitated that long, we denied that too (maybe our only regret).

10.  I could probably keep listing things, but I said 10 for 10 years, so here we go.  It is hard to believe in about 3 weeks we will have lived in Colorado for 5 years!!  I am pretty sure if the accident had not happened we would not be here.  For too many reasons to list here, the best being Steve and I both retired, we did choose to move to be closer to my family in Denver.  Again God has blessed me with a wonderful church family.  It is hard to hide from them my immobility as most Sundays, I am on a walker.  There isn't a time that I with them that someone isn't asking me how I am doing.  Someone is always telling me they are praying for me.  They pray that my pain will subside.  Without surgery, that doesn't seem to be in God's plan for me.  Does that get discouraging?  Yes, it does.  But I remind myself that the apostle Paul (who had a much deeper relationship with God than I do) prayed several times that his thorn in the flesh be removed, and it wasn't.  God told him "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Paul then says, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."  I cannot do less.

I thank God for each of these 10 and so much more!  May I continue to surrender to His control and I pray that He will continue to use me in His Kingdom for His glory.

Be Holy As I Am Holy

This year in Bible Study Fellowship we are studying the Life of Moses, which encompasses the books of Exodus, Leviticus and Numbers.  Have you read them lately?  They are difficult books to read because of all the laws and regulations in them.  One thing that has become increasingly clear is that God spent a lot of time spelling out to the Israelite's what He would consider to be clean and unclean behaviors that would separate them from the nations around them.  Then He spent considerable time providing explanations of the sacrifices that would need to be made when the Israelite's participated in the unclean and through those sacrifices they would once again be clean in the eyes of God.

When the Israelite's just out right rebelled against God and wouldn't repent, they met God's wrath and He would destroy them.  At times I caught myself asking how can that God of wrath be the same God of grace?  And yet there are several times where Moses intercedes for the people or even more of them would have been struck down dead which shows the compassionate side of God.

We are blessed to live on this side of the cross where if we accept Jesus as our Savior and are buried with Him in baptism, we are sealed with the Holy Spirit and grace from then to eternity covers a multitude of our sins.  The definition of grace according to Miriam Webster is " unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification".  According to Wikipedia grace is "the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to earn it."  Ephesians 2:8-9 "For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works so that no one can boast."  So yes grace is a gift and it covers a multitude of my sins.  I no longer have to offer an animal sacrifice and bring it to a priest to present to the Lord for me.  Jesus died once and for all that his blood would forever cleanse me for all my sin.  Hebrews 10:10 "...We have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once and for all."

What has caught my attention in the Moses study is how often I have misused God's grace.  It it a gift, but does it mean I just live life the way I want and expect grace to cover me? 2 Timothy 1:9 says I have been called to a holy life, "He has saved us and called us to a holy life, not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace."  I was called to a holy life!  What does that mean?  Miriam Webster defines it as: "exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness." I Peter 1:15-16 says "But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all that you do, for it is written 'be holy because I am holy.'"

I confess that I have spent much more time walking the line of how close to the edge can I get and not sin than how close can I walk to holiness.  I have way too often allowed myself to be polluted by the things of the world instead of aiming for holiness.  The area where I struggle the most is entertainment.  I enjoy movies especially and I spend quite a bit of time watching television.  Sometimes pride sets in as I think what I am watching isn't as bad as it could be.  But can I say what I am watching is moving me closer to holiness?  Recently I was having a conversation with someone about the movie "American Sniper" and they were telling me how great of a movie it was.  I said "I couldn't go see it since I read it had the "f" word in it 100+ times as well as other language.  They replied "oh, that is just the way they talk in the Service".  I was struck by the fact that in 1939 one word, the word "damn" was considered an outrage in a movie and in 2015, the foulest word said 100 times doesn't cause us to blink?  And don't even get me started on "50 Shades Of Gray" and how what we do in our private bedrooms is our business??  See I can start looking at others and think that I am doing a pretty good job but if I turn my comparisons to God and how holy am I living it is an entirely different equation.  Romans 6:1 "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may abound?  By no means!"

I am thankful that I am not under the law and I am under grace, but I hope I will remember that grace was costly.  It cost Jesus his life.  I pray that more and more I can make decisions that will move me toward holiness and not compromise.

EVEN IF

I was listening to this song today and was wondering if I could really say with conviction what the lyrics say?

Sometimes all we have to hold on to

Is what we know is true of who You are

So when the heartache hits like a hurricane

That could never change who You are

And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn’t come

And life falls apart

And dreams are still undone

You are God You are good

Forever faithful One

Even if the healing

Even if the healing doesn’t come

Lord we know Your ways are not our ways

So we set our faith in who You are

Even though You reign high above us

You tenderly love us

We know Your heart

And we rest in who You are

Even if the healing doesn’t come

And life falls apart

And dreams are still undone

You are God You are good

Forever faithful One

Even if the healing

Even if the healing doesn’t come

You’re still the Great and Mighty One

We trust You always

You’re working all things for our good

We’ll sing your praise

I would like to think I could say these lyrics with conviction, but I am not sure.  I really struggle from time to time with the God who can do anything and chooses not to.  It's not that it has to be my way, it's just that I don't like to see people suffering with no end in sight.  I have a friend whose daughter married a man who already had a child with autism.  She adopted his child and then when they divorced she shares custody.  However the boy is now 17 and the father seldom keeps his dates of shared custody.  This boy has become increasingly violent and has been attacking his mother as well as some other behavioral issues.  We have been praying for quite a while for calmness for the boy and that a residential treatment center would become available for him.  There doesn't seem to be any improvements or end in sight.  I have another friend who the list of things that have gone wrong in her life are way too many to list here.  It would be enough that she has a 14 year old daughter that has never spoken, never walked and is on a ventilator and requires 24 hour nursing care.  One simple prayer request that goes answered is that she have consistent nurses show up for their shifts, but quite frequently my friend gets the call that no nurses are available.  Those are just two examples of when I say "God why wouldn't this be in your will, or why wouldn't you do this?"  I know God is God and I am not.  But the question, when these situations and others go on do I praise Him anyway?  Does my faith remain strong?  Can I say "I know your heart and I rest in who you are"?

And then as all these thoughts are going through my mind another song comes on and it resonated with my heart as well.

Well, everybody's got a story to tell

And everybody's got a wound to be healed

I want to believe there's beauty here

'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on

I can't let go, I can't move on

I want to believe there's meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out

"God please take this"?

How many times have you given me strength to

Just keep breathing?

Oh I need you

God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn't plan

Wondering how I got to where I am

I'm trying to hear that still small voice

I'm trying to hear above the noise

How many times have you heard me cry out

"God please take this"?

How many times have you given me strength to

Just keep breathing?

Oh I need you

God, I need you now.

Though I walk,

Though I walk through the shadows

And I, I am so afraid

Please stay, please stay right beside me

With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?

And how many times have you given me strength?

How many times have you heard me cry out

"God please take this"?

How many times have you given me strength to

Just keep breathing?

Oh I need you

God, I need you now.

I am thankful that I have a God that allows me to question.  A God who doesn't punish me for having faith that doubts at times.  A God who allows me to ask "why"?  And yet at the end of the day, I have no choice but to trust in God's goodness and His promises.  His ways are not my ways and He has the big picture and I do not.  So I continue to cry out as I have blogged before "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief".

25 Year Anniversary Of Our Engagment

25 years ago today my sweet Steve asked if I would marry him.  I wish that I had pictures to share of that day but they are buried in a box down in the crawl space somewhere and I don't want to make Steve go find them.  But since I really haven't blogged about that day before, I thought I would today.

Our family was getting together for a reunion in Denver and Steve was going to come meet them all, and was going to ask my father for my hand in marriage.  Since my sister lived in base housing, it was rather crowded, so Steve had arranged with them to propose to me out in the camper, parked in the front of their yard. Steve had bought flowers and had music playing (don't remember what).  He was just getting ready to propose when we heard someone coming in the door and then my sister yell "Mel, get back here!" Her husband, didn't know we were in the trailer at that moment.

When Steve proposed to me he read Ephesians 5:21-33:

"21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Steve then told me that he promised he would do his best to love me the way that Christ loved the church and gave His life up for the church if I would marry him.  Who could say "no" to a promise like that?  I was 35 and Steve was 36 when we got engaged, so we had both waited a long time to be blessed by God with our life partner.  I had determined that I would not marry anyone who was not a Christian.  But Steve far surpassed that expectation.  He has made me a better person.  His love for the Word of God has challenged me.  He is much more disciplined in spending time there than I am.  But I think God has used me to move Steve from head knowledge for a more emotional response to God.

We often tell people that we really don't know how our marriage works because we are so opposite of one another.  We really have very little in common.  One time we took a marriage course and it included a survey that would show us what we have in common.  We discovered we had the enjoyment of boating in common only to rent a boat and find out that Steve drives rather cautious and I like to go really fast :-)  We do enjoy sitting together each night and playing Wheel Of Fortune.  I would say also Jeopardy, but I cannot compete with Steve in Jeopardy.  He is far more intelligent than I am!  But our marriage works because the one thing we do have in common is the most important thing of all...our love for God.  We realize that we are here as servants of His.  My greatest joy is in pleasing God by serving Steve and He reciprocates by serving me.  He is actually better at putting his needs aside for me than I am for him, but because he is so good at it, I try much harder to do the same.

During our 25 years, Steve and I have had some hard times.  Two years into our marriage we were excited to be pregnant.  Steve named our baby Pat, because that could be a boy or a girl.  Shortly after our first trimester we lost Pat and Steve almost lost me as my blood pressure dropped so low they had to turn me upside down.  We were not able to get pregnant again because I had endometriosis and that caused a diseased ovary and tube.  They removed my right tube and left ovary and told us they were going to keep in place for God to do what only He can do (an opposite ovary and tube).  It wasn't impossible to get pregnant but improbable.  We didn't get pregnant and in 2003 I got uterine cancer and then had to have a complete hysterectomy.  Steve was my strength during these difficult times, but it wasn't till my accident in 2005 did I realize the depth of his love for me and the strength I would get from him.  When your husband wipes your bottom after using a bed pan, your relationship is put on a whole different level you have never imagined.  Helping me in and out of a wheel chair, pushing that chair to his own exhaustion.  He took on all the housekeeping chores and to this day he still does our laundry and helps with the dishes, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms and so much more.  Never complaining.  Then Steve brags all the time at what a great cook that I am.  He thanks me for meals even when I burn them :-)  He is willing to eat left overs.  I am not a recipe cook, I am a simple cook.  Things like meatloaf, pot pie, pot roast, spaghetti, crockpot chicken, but Steve is just always appreciative.

I would say that my favorite thing to do with Steve is pray with him.  We haven't always had a time of intentional prayer together, although he has always prayed for our meals.  But for the last 8 months we reinitiated a specific prayer and devotional time together and it has been a blessing.  Today I am thanking God for 25 years of faithful vow keeping and commitment from my husband.  In a few months we will celebrate the actual 25th anniversary of our vows and he has planned a surprise trip.  I look forward then to blogging more about marriage memories and what the surprise was.

Father God, thank You for the blessing of giving me the most wonderful husband for me.  Thank You that in 25 years I can honestly say that he has never not once kept his commitment to love me with the love of Jesus.  I do not take that for granted, for it is an amazing blessing!!  Thank You for the way You have transformed Him into Your image and thank You for allowing us to have these 25 years together.  I would love having the gift of 25 more with Him, but if You take one of us home before then, I thank You for the certainty that we will spend eternity together with You.  Thank You Father!

Motherly love

Yesterday, while Steve and I were eating lunch, we were entertained by our mother Robin feeding her three babies.  Mrs. Robinson (as we call her) would bring her babies something to eat and their heads would pop up out of the nest, beaks wide open and they would start chirping away, eager to accept whatever she brought them.  She would leave and then come back and it would start all over again.  I asked Steve, "do you think she does that from love or just by instinct?".   I don't know if all animals have the ability to feel emotions or not?  I know my Mother's dog, Yoshi, does.  He knows when you are not happy with him and he cowers, or he is so excited when you return home and jumps up on you or licks.

My main point is the animal instinct does cause the robin or other animals to care for their babies.  So why is it the one creation that for sure has emotions, intellect and instinct so often do not take care of their babies?  I have often wondered why people who would make wonderful parents cannot have children and then those who don't want children (abortion) and even more so those that would abuse their children have multiple?  There is only one explanation, the presence of evil in our world.  People who allow Satan to speak lies into their hearts.  They see children as objects and not the people that they are.  Animals cannot be tempted to do wrong, only humans are susceptible to temptation.  Therefore Satan convinces adults to put their own selfish needs first.  He tells them to ignore the fact that their children were given to them as a gift from God, who entrusted those children into their care.  He has a plan for each and every one of them.  His plan does not include the abuse that they will be subjected to and yet because of the free will of their parents, those children will be subjected to the evil of the world.  Such a hard reality to explain.  Yet, God can redeem it all and I am thankful that he has for so many and in the end He will for all.

Job 19:25-"I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the end He will stand on earth."

2 Corinthians 5:10-" For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad."

My Hope

After my father went to Heaven in 2010, I bought a ring with the word "hope" engraved 1on it, because I did not want to forget that my hope is in the Lord and in the fact that He has promised me a home in Heaven and a reunion with my earthly Father one day.  I am thankful for all the reminders in scripture (here are just a few):

Psalm 33:20-We wait in hope for the Lord, he is our help and our shield.

Psalm 147:11-the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Psalm 146:5-Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God.

Lamentations 3:25- The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.

1 Peter 1:3-Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

Also glad for the reminders in Song:

Thank You God that you did not leave us here hopeless, but that You are our Hope!!

He's Always Been Faithful

Sometimes you just have to post the lyrics of a song, because you don't want to forget the truths.

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God's hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me

I can't remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can't remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful, He's always been faithful
He's always been faithful to me

Thinking About My Party

It is inevitable.  When someone you know dies, it causes you to once again look at your own immortality.  For the most part most of us live each day never thinking that it could be our last.  Yet the reality is, at any moment our life can end.  Just recently ask the families of Malaysian Flight 370, or the families at Fort Hood, or the families of the 10 California students burned to death in a fiery bus crash, or the family of Hope Evans who had no warning that when they went to bed Friday night, Hope would not wake up Saturday morning.
Death is part of life.  Yet we forget.  We assume is going to happen to someone else, not us.

Everyone grieves in a different way, but I tend to look at death as a time to celebrate, not grieve.  Sure I grieve that I will no longer see someone in this life.  I won't hear their voice, I won't feel their hug.  But when that person loves God with all their heart, and has spent their life serving Jesus then I celebrate, because I know all they did is cross over from this life into another.  There really is no death, there is only life.  We live our whole lives with faith in Jesus but at death it no longer takes faith, there He is.  And what is really amazing?  We are now like Him! "Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lies and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?'"John 11:25-26

"For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.  Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling,  because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked.  For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.  Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.  For we live by faith, not by sight.  We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.  So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.  For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad." 2 Corinthians 5:1-10

Such amazing promises for us to remind ourselves of, especially at times like these.  So should I mourn and grieve like those that have no hope?  Absolutely not. "Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.  For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.  Therefore encourage one another with these words." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

You might need to read that again.  Those that die first get to appear with Jesus first!!  That will be one amazing day!  So, I have told Steve, when it is my time to go home, I want a party.  I want people celebrating because I will be with the Lord and He and I will be having a party, so everyone should have one here as well. You may say "but Lynn, Jesus wept at the death of His friend Lazareth". Yes, He did, but I think His reasons were much different than ours. It wasn't because Lazarus wouldn't be there for Him, it was out of compassion for the grief of Mary and Martha.  He knew they could not understand His resurrection power and neither do we.  If we truly understood it, we would rejoice in the fact that the person we love is enjoying life to the Nth degree.  There is nothing better, and why would we not want that?

If this is not you, that is okay.  Everyone's grief is their own and everyone's eternal perspective is their own.  But I just wanted to go on record and say this today, because I may not have tomorrow and if I hadn't told you all I wanted a party, I may not get one on earth, which would be disappointing, but for sure there will be one in heaven! “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning” Psalm 30:5 "And when that morning comes, 'death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore'” Revelation 21:4  HALLELUJAH!!

Here I Raise My Ebenezer

Today is the anniversary of my 2005 accident.  It has been nine years since a drunk driver altered my life forever.  I have blogged about different aspects of the accident over the years.  There isn't an April 10th that goes by that I don't relive that day.  It isn't a bad thing and I don't spend time thinking about the pain, but try to focus on the victories that came with God's help.  

Recently, I have been participating in a Bible study called "The Disciples Prayer Life".  A very rich study on the different aspects of prayer.  In the chapter about giving thanks in prayer there is a section on the different biblical characters that built altars as a way to express their thanksgiving to God.  In 1 Samuel 7 the altar that Samuel builds is called an Ebenezer.The prophet Samuel and the Israelites found themselves under attack by the Philistines. Fearing for their lives, the Israelites begged Samuel to pray for them in their impending battle against the Philistines. Samuel offered a sacrifice to God and prayed for His protection. God listened to Samuel, causing the Philistines to lose the battle and retreat back to their own territory. After the Israelite victory, the Bible records:  “Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen, and called its name Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped us’ ” (1 Samuel 7:12). The word Ebenezer comes from the Hebrew words ’Eben hà-ezer (eh’-ben haw-e’-zer),which simply mean “stone of help”. 

I have been thinking about my own Ebenezer and what it could be for the help that God gave me in coming through the trauma of my accident.  Perhaps it is my scars?  I was left with a very deformed left leg, with many scars that don't fade or go away.  I keep them covered.  I feel uncomfortable in any clothes that reveal my leg.  But perhaps instead of being ashamed, I should wear the scars with pride because they are a symbol of God's intervention.  They said the way my leg broke that it was a near amputation.  Then after about 6 months of healing, I got a bone infection.  I was given the choice of an amputation or going through a very painful process with an Ilizarov frame.

I chose the frame.  I wore it for nine months and then a month after getting it off, my bone started going crooked and I again was faced with the choice of amputation or wearing the frame again.  I wore it another nine months.  Today, seven years later, I have a leg. Not a pretty leg, but a leg none the less.  So instead of looking at the scars and being ashamed what if I would consider them my Ebenezer and see them as proof of God's help.  He gave me the strength to fight and today continues to give me that strength.  Even though He saved my leg, I do walk with significant pain.  I could get depressed about the pain, but I choose to thank God that I can walk and I am not confined to a wheel chair.  I can drive.  I could be so much more limited. So I thank God for giving me the strength for each new day.  Sure I didn't build my Ebenezer in an altar sort of way, but I did choose to go through the painful process in hopes that God would heal and he did.  So now when I look at my scars I will say "thank you  God for your help".  I would love to hear about your Ebenezer and how it reminds you of a time when God was your help.

Saying Goodbye to 2013 and Hello to 2014

Whenever one year ends and another begins I find myself being contemplative.  What did I actually accomplish in this year and what would I like to accomplish in the next.  I don't really believe in New Year resolutions, perhaps because I know how undisciplined I am and how unlikely I am to actually succeed in completing any resolutions.  But I think the real reason is I am better at short term goals.

I have been seeing different people on my Facebook feed say they were picking a word for the year.  If I look back on 2013, I think my word was "thankfulness".  Ever since I read Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, this past summer, I have made a concerted effort to count my blessings and to put  I Thessalonians 5:18 into practice "In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you".

I have asked myself is it really possible to give thanks in all things?  And the answer is "yes, yes it is".  It all comes down to determined focus.  Even if I have to say "God I don't know how to thank You for this, but I am giving it to You and saying thanks that I can trust you to take it and do with it what You will."  Thanking God for all things requires trusting God.  Reminding myself, that He is God and I AM NOT!!  Truly trusting that when Romans 8:28 says "ALL things work together for good for those that love God..." that I can trust that whatever it is I am going through He has it in His control and for His purposes, so therefore I can give thanks for that.  

Since I have begun trying to practice giving thanks more, I have noticed that I am so much more at peace.  I no longer feel like I have to fix everything.  God can do so much of a better job than I can.  I have also found I am more content.  It takes a lot more energy to be negative than positive.  While negativity drains me of energy, thankfulness actually lifts my spirit and gives me energy.

I hope I do not forget the lessons I am learning.  It is easy to fall back into old practices.  But I find if I say when I put my feet on the floor "Lord, please give me a thankful Spirit this day", it definitely helps!

So now on to 2014.  I think the word that God has given me for this year is "DWELL".  According to Meirriam Webster this is the definition of "dwell":
          1 a:  to remain for a time
          2 a: to live as a resident
       3 a: to keep the attention directed

I then did a search on dwell on Biblegateway.com and these three verses stood out to me:

Psalm 61:4  I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.  

Psalm 84:4  Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.

Psalm 91:1  Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the                              Almighty.

So I want to dwell more in the presence of my Lord.  I want to be eager about spending time with Him.  I am eager to see what Facebook updates, or emails I get in a day, shouldn't I be ever so much more eager to hear from my Father?  Sometimes I think my time with Him is more of a "I should" than a desire to just dwell.  Over the Christmas season Steve and I celebrated Advent for the first time and it was such a blessing to have a determined time set everyday that we shared time with readings about our Savior and then time praying together.  We need to determine to continue to do that even though the season is over. 

So if you are reading this and consider me a friend, would you please check in with me from time to time and ask me how I am doing at DWELLING?  Even greater would be if you actually saw a change in my life because of my DWELLING!