Life Is Hard

There is just no way around it...sometimes life is hard. This has been a hard week. 6 days ago my father had a major stroke and has been left without the ability to talk and the use of his right hand. Depending on the day he cannot stand for any length of time. It has been so hard watching him desperately trying to say what he wants to say but not being able to get it out and then he crys. It is just so heartbreaking watching him and knowing that all he really wants is to go "home". He has wanted to go "home" for almost 4 years now. But when we moved here to Colorado Springs, there was some new light in his eyes and he was even pushing himself to get out of the house more. God gave us that hope and we are left with that memory. But now those sweet memories are being replaced by memories of suffering.

Yes, my dad's suffering is heartbreaking, but he is sleeping a lot and not always aware of what is going on. My heart is also breaking for my mom. She has lost her best friend. Yes, he is still here, but they cannot sit and talk to each other for hours like they used to. They can't laugh at something on the television. They can't go out to eat, or out at all for that matter. My heart broke today as I watched her comfort him and give him a hug as he patted her arm. There are no more kisses between them. I know that every couple goes through this if they live long enough, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Then if all of this wasn't enough, my mother's modem died and her toilet broke. I just wanted to shout "are you kidding me?". I know that none of this is from God, it is all from Satan. His purpose is to get us to doubt God, to think He doesn't care. While I recognize that, it is still hard. I do want to shout "where are you God?" I beg for Him to have mercy and let my father come home. It just seems to be falling on deaf ears. I know His timing is not mine and I am not in control, He is.
But I am really having a hard time understanding why He isn't keeping His promises.

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."-Matthew 21:22
"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:24
"Receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him." 1 John 3:22
"You do not have, because you do not ask God." James 4:2

It is hard not to ask "why"? I have put as the title of this blog "looking for God to keep His Ephesians 3:20 promise". I don't know how He will do exceedingly more here since we have felt His silence for 6 days now, but He is God and I am not and I have no other choice but to trust. Once again God, I plead with you to let my father come into your presence and please have mercy on him and end his suffering.
In Jesus Name.

Crystal Memories

I got word through her sister's post on Facebook today that Crystal Schuknecht passed away today at the young age of 31. Crystal was one of my foster daughters when she was 8 for about 3 years. Before that I had been her social worker. She and her sister Susan lived at Hillview Acres and then lived with me at a small group home. Let me talk about that, before I talk about the girls. There came a point in my time at Hillview Acres that I wanted to provide a more normal environment for a group of girls. Normal meaning they lived in the community and went to school and could have friends over, etc. When I approached the director about my dreams he told me they sounded good, but unfortunately there was no financing for such a plan.
Within a week I received a check in the mail for a settlement on an accident that I had no idea I was going to get. It was a very nice sum and I went back and asked the director if I used my own money to get the house started, could I use Hillview Acres for the licensing process. He agreed. I found a nice two story house and filled it with appropriate furniture, only for it not to pass the fire inspection. I would have to have fire doors on the stairway and since it was a rental the owner would not agree to that. I was devastated. I couldn't understand why God would have provided in such a great way and then closed the door. I remember someone telling me "when God closes a door, he opens a window". Within a few days I was able to find another house and it was better than the house I had. First of all it was one story and on a 1/2 acre of land with a swimming pool. It had an orange tree and an avocado tree in the back yard. My grandmother was sweet and bought the girls a trampoline. It was just the perfect house! One of my early lessons on trusting God to do Ephesians 3:20 things.

Crystal, Susan, Tawnya and Michelena all moved in (8,9,9,10)We had so many happy times together. They were such a joy. Of course we also had moments that were not as joyful, as any family does, but we had lots of laughs and fun. We celebrated holidays in big style. We had a blast decorating for Christmas. We would paint our front room windows like stained glass. We got to travel, to my parents in Idaho and one time all the way to Denver for a family reunion. I remember we would stay at Circus Circus because it was so cheap and fun.

Crystal was the peacemaker among all the girls. She was full of joy and laughter. I can still see her dimples. All the girls embraced going to church and one of memories of Crystal was in a play we put on at church. We sang "Arky, Arky" and I can still see her up on the block with her umbrella yelling "made it out of gopher barky, barky". Her older sister Susan was her protector.

When Steve and I got married, I had to make a hard decision and move from California and leave the girls. Michelena had been adopted before I left. Shortly after I left, Susan and Crystal were returned to live with their parents. Tawnya went into foster care.

About 8 months ago, Crystal and I reconnected on Facebook, as well as Susan. They were no longer little girls, but grown women. I haven't learned alot about what has happened in the 21 years since I saw them last, but did know that a couple of years ago that Crystal was hit by a car as a pedestrian and had gone through a very long rehab period with numerous surgeries. Unfortunately, she had not received much relief from severe back pain and had to find the courage to fight through every day. In the last month, her posts on Facebook made it obvious she was really struggling and friends were encouraging her to keep her fighting spirit. I am thankful I could speak some truth of God's care for her during her final days. On August 20th, I had tried to encourage her with Isaiah 40:1-3.

Please pray for her sister Susan. She and Crystal were so close and Susan will be missing her dearly. I don't know what either of their relationship is with the Lord, but I pray that the seeds that were planted had taken root and that especially now Susan will know God's comfort and have the hope of heavenly reunions.

In The Name of Christianity

There are times that it is just embarrassing to claim you are a Christian, especially when others do something really stupid in the name of Christianity. The latest news out of Gainesville, Florida where the Dove World Outreach Center is calling for a "International Burn the Quran Day" on September 11th, is one of those moments. You can read more about it at:
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hKWWJdTrfALpbYfWB6fM58p6u-pwD9I3ALN81 (you'll have to cut and paste, I couldn't get the link to work)

This is wrong on so many levels. How can a church do something so wrong?? How can they do something so counter to what Jesus would do?? Remember the WWJD campaign?? "What Would Jesus Do". Perhaps we need to start a new "WWJND"(What Would Jesus Not Do") campaign. I am pretty sure burning the Quran would be on the list.

I understand the evil that was done on 9-11 and the evil that continues to be done by extremist Muslims. I also understand the concern we all need to have in regards to the advancement of the Muslim religion. However, retaliation is never a Christ- like response. Even though this is not taking lives, it is being flagrantly disrespectful and will elicit not only anger, but flame the Muslim thinking of Christians being infidels. How would this be any different than burning the Catholic Bible, the Book of Mormon, Kabbalah, etc.? But all this aside, the question still remains "What Would Jesus Do"?

I can think of a few teachings that would indicate why this action is not what Jesus would do.

1. Matthew 5:42-44 "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"

Pray for those who persecute you, not burn their bibles.

2. Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you."

Would we want Muslims to have a mass burning of our Bible?

3. Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God."

Is having a mass burning of another religion's bible a peaceful act??

4. Matthew 5:39 "But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."

These are just a few. I am sure we can all think of many more. I think the problem is when we think it is our job to get vengeance and we forget that it is not our business. "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord." All God calls us to do is "love our neighbor as ourselves." It is not an easy task, but He gives us the strength to do just that. As His Church we are His representative and He says in John 13:35 "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

So we all have 3 days to pray, pray, pray that the Lord will convict the heart of pastor Terry Jones and any others who have made this plan to burn the Qurans and that they instead will step up and ask forgiveness for this thought and really show the world the love of Christ through their actions. Pastor Terry Jones says "We just want to send a strong message to radical Islam" I pray that they will see that by repenting of this act will be an amazing message and that if He does cancel his plans it would bring glory to God and His kingdom will be advanced in ways beyond all they could ask or imagine.

That Time Again

It is just not believable that we have been here in Colorado Springs 4 months already! I don't know where the time has gone! One thing that I have let slip, and I am not proud about, is my Bible study time. I have spent very little time this summer in the Word. I am not really sure why that is, other than I got out of the habit and just did not make it a priority.

But this week I will get back into a woman's Bible study and I am looking forward to once again doing Beth Moore's study, Stepping Up. I really enjoyed it the first time I did it a couple of years ago, and am sure I will even enjoy it more this time. I am also going to do a community Bible study, BSF, this year on the book of Isaiah. Both of these studies will require daily time in the Word and there will be good accountability, so I will get back into my study habits.

I do think there is a direct coorelation between my lack of Bible study and my low spirits of late. I think it is hard to stay centered on God and His purposes for my life without being diligent to spend time with Him in His Word. Satan robs my joy when I am not centered in God's Word. So I am looking forward to reclaiming that joy. And a by product of this is that I will have some things to share here on my blog about what God is teaching me again. I love documenting the lessons learned, so that I can go back and read them, because I tend to forget way too easily. So I am looking forward to the days ahead.