A Glimpse of Heaven

In my last post I told you that Jenny Bizaillion had won her reward and was home with God. On Thursday Steve and I were blessed to attend her memorial celebration. Amazingly her brothers Josh and Jonathan performed the service. Josh lead the praise and worship and Jonathan didn't really preach, but talked about Jenny and the hope she had in the Lord. God empowered both of them to bring honor to their sister in a most difficult time. There have been very few moments in my life where I experienced worship the way I did in that service. The Holy Spirit was spilling all over that room. You could feel God's presence in such a strong way. There was a moment at the end of the service where we were all asked to bow. During his prayer Jonathan said something like "God, we have asked that you keep Satan away from this place today, but right now I ask you to reveal this room to him and let him see that he did not win, You did." At that moment I could see heaven and the way that it is going to be when every knee bows down and claims that Jesus is Lord. I can't wait for that day!
Seems that funerals always cause me to be more reflective of my life. Perhaps because you don't want to die knowing you didn't do all that you want to do. I wanted to be closer to God than ever before and realized that is not going to happen unless I start spending more time with Him. And that is only going to happen if I turn the television off. So for the next 30 days I am going to make a committment to not turn on the television until 5 p.m. every day. (well maybe not on Saturdays)
The time I normally spend on the computer and watching T.V. I am going to spend reading the stack of books I have, beginning with Randy Alcorn's book "If God Is Good." Too....I will get up in the morning and only spend 30 minutes on the computer (checking emails and FB status) Then I can't get on it till after 5:00 as well. I will be posting about what I am reading and what God is saying to me. I am anticipating that the next 30 days will be life transforming. I love the song "Ancient Words", perhaps my heart will truly embrace the lyrics in the days to come.
Ancient Words


(Michael W. Smith)


Holy words long preserved
for our walk in this world,
They resound with God's own heart.
Oh let the ancient words impart


Words of Life, words of Hope
Give us strength, help us cope
In this world, where e'er we roam
Ancient words will guide us Home.

CHORUS:
Ancient words ever true
Changing me and changing you,
We have come with open hearts
Oh let the ancient words impart

Holy words of our Faith
Handed down to this age
Came to us through sacrifice
Oh heed the faithful words of Christ.

Holy words long preserved
For our walk in this world.
They resound with God's own heart
Oh let the ancient words impart.

We have come with open hearts
Oh let the ancient words impart

Home Free

In my last post I mentioned Jenny Bizaillion and her physical struggle. She lost her earthly battle but won her heavenly reward yesterday afternoon. I know that when we die in Christ it should really be a celebration, but I also hurt for her husband, child, and the rest of her family who have to continue life without her. I was talking with God and just expressing my confusion as to why one would have to suffer so and a family have to endure watching that suffering when she was going to lose the battle anyway? It just seems cruel. But I do know the cruelty of it all wasn't from God but from our enemy Satan who wants to steal our joy. Yes, for some reason God allows it, but I lay the blame where it belongs and it makes me more eager than before to see Satan get his "final due".

As God so often does in my life, I was reminded of this song from the past by Wayne Watson.

In I'm trying hard not to think you unkind
But Heavenly Father
If you know my heart
Surely you can read my mind
Good people underneath the sea of grief
Some get up and walk away
Some will find ultimate relief

Chorus
Home Free, eventually
At the ultimate healing we will be Home Free
Home Free, oh Ive got a feeling
At the ultimate healing
We will be Home Free

Out in the corridors we pray for life
A mother for her baby, A husband for his wife
Sometimes the good die young
It's sad but true
And while we pray for one more heartbeat
The real comfort is with you

You know pain has little mercy
And suffering's no respecter of age, of race or position
I know every prayer gets answered
But the hardest one to pray is slow to come
Oh Lord, not mine, but Thy will be done

Let it be...

Home Free, eventually
At the ultimate healing we will be Home Free
Home Free, oh Ive got a feeling
At the ultimate healing
We will be Home Free

Where Are You God?

Don't know about you, but there are just times in my life when I have to ask "where are you God?". My head knows He is everywhere. My knowledge knows He is right beside me, but my feelings are "where are you?" Why is it when you are begging for clarification things just seem to get blurrier?? Why is it when you are begging for healing things just seem to get worse?? I have asked for peace and yet peace evades me. It is just so hard to understand. Jesus said he came to give life abundantly, so why is this life so much of the time such a struggle? I know that we don't have the promise that life will be easy, but during these times when the enemy comes against you in such a powerful way I just wish I was stronger. "Resist the devil and he will flee from you". Really?? I yell "Satan, leave me alone" but he is not fleeing. I pray "in the name of Jesus, I tell you to leave" and yet he continues to attack. In the midst of my own disappointment and weariness of the last couple of weeks I have been following the Carepages of Jenny Bizaillion who has been fighting for her life for 14 days. Today over 7,000 times people have posted prayers and thoughts for healing. We thought she was getting better, then she had to have both of her legs amputated below the knee because of gangrene. The last couple of days we thought she was getting better again and now the sepsis is in her brain and causing seizures. How can that be with so many prayers going up for her?? I don't have the answers, I just keep saying to myself "I will trust you Lord, I will trust you Lord. I don't understand, but I trust you Lord." Do you hear me Satan? I will trust the Lord even when He seems silent. I will trust the Lord and not lean on my own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

To Move Or Not To Move??

I am home from my Denver house hunting trip. What an emotional roller coaster that was! I thought I was at peace with the decision not to buy, until I got home and realized that it means I am not moving. Sometimes change just seems good for the sake of change I think. But I am trying to embrace Philippians 4:11-12. Contentment has never been my strong suit. And it is no surprise to anyone who has read my blog for awhile that waiting for God isn't my strong suit either. This time though the part of the puzzle that I just don't understand is why God would have sent an unsolicited buyer for my house who was offering cash "as is". That just doesn't happen very often and we thought it was such a blessing. So I felt a little like Abraham in that God said "go" but in my particular case he didn't provide the "where". It's not like we can just keep our buyer hanging without a definite answer. So once again I feel like I have hit what a friend of mine calls a faith bump. It is amazing when you give Satan a small opening how he turns it into a wide gap. So all day long this is the song that has been coming to my mind and I have been singing "Do I Trust You Lord" by Twila Paris.

Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I know the answers, I've given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don't mean much to me.
This time there's only one thing I've got to know.

Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?

I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord.
I will trust You.

Please help me to also be content.

House Hunting

Boy! Who knew buying a house in the Denver area would be so hard! Houses are so much more expensive here than in the Dallas area. Even though I don't mind downsizing, I don't want to buy a 30 year old house for my 30 year future. I am trying my best to trust that God has already picked our house out and knows how it is always going to work out. I just wish He could make it all clearer. One thing I have discovered, is don't go look at things you can't afford because it just makes the process harder. My emotions jumped on the 2nd house(condo) we saw because it was better than anything I had seen in a month on the internet. However, I don't know if I could see myself living there 30 years from now and there were at least 1,000+ other condos in the area. Not my idea of a neighborhood. So I had to back up and get realistic. Besides it had no features that Steve was wanting and a lot he did not. It did have a great view of the mountains. I have decided to give up on the perfect mountain view knowing that in an hour I can drive up into the mountains. Right now it is all about trying to find something that doesn't stretch us beyond our means. It is so easy to get caught up in what you want and not what you actually need. It is easy for me to be envious of others and wonder how they can afford such a nice home. Steve and I have worked hard over our lives and it just seems like we should have more money tucked away for a day like this, but it is mostly my fault we don't because I am a really bad saver of money. Too it is crazy that in retirement our health insurance is more than a house payment!! Doesn't seem quite right that you work all those years to retire to pay for your medical insurance. Anyway....my nature is to get negative and I really do need to count my blessings and be grateful for what the Lord has given me. So I have to quite frequently say "get behind me Satan". Hopefully in the near future I will be able to post how God blessed this process beyond all I could have asked or imagined.